My (grand)daddy died almost two years ago–the one thing I wanted of his was his salt shaker. Those close to me know how much it means–I’ve written a whole creative nonfiction piece about it.
Alas, others decided it was not to be mine.
The other day, my son expressed frustration–he said he thought he had found a business that makes them. After months of trying to communicate with them, though, he still hadn’t gotten anywhere.
And my heart about burst.
My son has apparently been trying to find a new salt shaker–one that will still remind me of daddy, but one I will be able to hold and to pass down myself.
And that’s exactly what my daddy would be doing right now.
Happy Valentine’s Day, dear readers.
Love each other, like the meat loves the salt.
Update: May 2019
My beloved friend Vanessa found a shaker like Daddy’s on the day she read the original blog. She sent it to my son, who presented it to me as my mother’s day present, which coincided almost exactly with Daddy’s death anniversary.
It’s an antique (like Daddy’s)–I know now it’s a teak Dansk shaker–the “Rosie.”
When I showed it to book group, I explained that I was having trouble figuring out how to refill it. Much Googling later, we discovered that one has to remove the pegs, which were unmovable.
Within moments, an expert friend of book group was found.
And so this shaker is full, in a home far from my original one. With the best family one could ever have.
Q: Karma, Bank of America said no fraud happened after your purse was stolen, implying that you were lying about everything. Whatever happened with that?
A: Well, many people told me to stop banking with them–I don’t have a checking account there, but I do have a credit card with them that I mostly use when traveling, and that’s what got stolen.
Having learned about the power of Twitter from Denise, I took to it. BOA agreed to re-open the case. They gave me a fax number.
So I went back to the 1990s in a time machine (i.e. headed down to the FedEx). I spent thirty minutes trying to send my materials (police report, etc.), to no avail.
Then I walked over to BOA. A very nice banker said she would fax the stuff for me.
It didn’t work.
So she had to call corporate and was put on hold for about 10 minutes. They gave her the same non-working number. While she was on hold again, she joked to me that they just didn’t want to approve my case.
I pretended that was funny.
They gave her another number, and she faxed the materials.
Nothing has happened since then . . .
Q: Karma, how’s your back?
A: We should probably move on. It’s just not good.
Q: Well, speaking of the way your body fails you, how did your comedy show about your chronic pain go?
A: The show was amazing–the crowd was wonderful, and I managed to really tighten it up since the last time I did it. There were lots of questions after–and a lot of hugs. That’s normal after a comedy show, right?
Q: I’m sorry I missed it.
A: That’s not a question.
Q: Okay. Am I sorry I missed it?
A: You’d better be. You can hear me talking about it on Davisville. I’ve also been asked to talk to a group at Sutter Hospital in Davis. And since so many people missed it but wanted to see it, I’m going to try to do the performance in Davis in Spring.
Q: And right after Spring quarter, you’re heading to Oxford, right?
A: Sort of. I have several conferences before then–CCCC, PCA/ACA, MELUS, and the Comic Arts Conference at WonderCon. And I’ve been asked to talk about Atwood at a conference on Canadian women in Bordeaux in mid-June, so I’ll go to that and then head to Oxford, after some time with loved ones in London.
I’m really excited–I love this class–what could be better than teaching fantasy literature in Oxford?–and I feel like I’m going home to teach it. I just gotta get a lot of things organized/changed and finish replacing some of the stolen stuff from my purse before I leave the country for a few months–I just picked up my replacement glasses today.
I am taking the second summer session off, though. I don’t remember the last time that was true–but it’s a break I need.
Q: Will you spend it with your blind kitten?
A: And the sighted one. Thoth’s the one who thinks I’m his mom and suckles my ear and sleeps on my face. He’s also way more demanding–when the vet was giving too much attention to Graymalkin The Blind at their first appointment, Thoth walked over to her and licked her face to steal some of that back.
Thoth at bedtime, after both ears were sufficiently suckled. Graymalkin at nap time
Q: Anything else readers should know?
A: Two of my students were selected for Prized Writing, and one won an honorable mention. One of my winners wrote his creative nonfiction case study in graphic novel format–a first for a publication that’s been going for three decades, so I’m so excited!
The Stand-Up Club is performing on 3/1. And I’ll be performing with the Stand-Up Class on 3/19. By the end of this year, I will have two more books out. By the end of this month, Melissa and I have to send some revisions back to the publisher after peer review.
One of the reviewers said s/he would never assign our book and doubted our credentials because of our use of dashes (i.e. we use dashes instead of commas sometimes) and because we engage our audience with a few colloquialisms; s/he said that while she understood that students would like our book, it was a bad model (because s/he would never let students write something non-academics would want to read).
I’m fairly certain that soul crushing criticism is why my back isn’t working right now.
Reliving that has made me tense up. Time for another anxiety shower.
Red Sister–Mark Lawrence (the first book in the Ancestor Series). I’m a sucker for books about orphan children with special talents at magical schools. So I’m a sucker for this book. I’m starting book two tonight. A
The Invisible Library–Genevieve Cogman (first book in a series). Steampunk? Libarians? Sexy demons? Cogman’s book has all the things I usually love, but I was underwhelmed here. It’s a fast read, and there’s even a twist or two, but it didn’t really capture me the way I wanted it to. B-
People of the Book–Geraldine Brooks. Brooks writes beautiful prose. Here, in a multi-protagonist, time-sweeping narrative, she explores a famous illustrated Jewish text. This is based on the true story of a rare manuscript, a Jewish text illustrated in a medieval Christian style, protected by Muslim scholars. A+
How to Marry a Werewolf–Gail Carriger. A disgraced American and a prideful Werewolf? Everyone around them can see it’s love at first sight. This little novella captures all the things that makes Carriger’s books popular. B
I’m Just a Person–Tig Notaro. I knew a lot of this story, since I’ve seen all of Tig’s comedy and One, Mississippi, the series based on her life. I read this all in one sleepless night. It’s funny and moving, just like Tig. A
Above the China Sea–Sarah Bird. A former student who just returned from a trip to Japan recommended this to me. Two stories overlap in this story of Okinawa: a multiracial military brat grieving her sister in the current time, and a teenage girl working as a nurse in the Imperial Army’s cave hospitals during the American invasion (WWII). Both stories are compelling, but I was drawn to the historical tale more, which is impeccably researched. A
So far, I’m off to a good start. Here are some of the things I made last month.
Slow Roasted Salmon with Citrus, from the New York Times,–A+ (this is good, cold, the next day too). I paired this with a beet and cranberry goat cheese salad.
Slow Cooker Moroccan Chicken, from The Spice House–A+ I had the preserved meyer lemons on hand–they’re easy to make and keep for a really long time in your fridge.
Tumeric Chicken Stew, from Food & Wine–B. I added cauliflower, since I had cauliflower that needed to be used. I asked the boy what he would change about the dish. “More cauliflower!”
Healthy Asian Pork and Rice, from Food & Wine–C. Not much flavor; the leftovers didn’t get eaten.
Blood Orange Margarita from White on Rice–A+. I mixed these in a pitcher and added a bit of kosher salt to the mix rather than putting salt on the rim.
Recipes that weren’t entirely new, but that you should know about:
Meyer Lemon Margaritas from White on Rice–A+ (This is good with blood orange juice too.)
Tom Yum (Thai Hot and Sour Soup) from Lemon Blossoms–I used a tom yum pre-made paste for this and the lemongrass pulp you can get at Safeway–A+
Mashed Cauliflower–Melissa Bender made a version of this one night, and now I do it a lot. Boil water. Add cauliflower until it’s tender. Mash with butter and garlic salt–A
Baked fish poboys, with homemade remoulade, from Simply Recipes–A+. You can do this with any kind of fish. I get frozen swai fillets (they can be cooked thawed or frozen). I spray them with olive oil pam, sprinkle either cajun or blackened seasoning on both sides and bake according to the package directions. Best if the buns are toasted.
My Chronic Pain: A Comedy show is coming up–Thursday, 1/31, at 5:30, I’ll be in the Comprehensive Cancer Center Auditorium at UCD Medical in Sacramento, encouraging people to laugh with me about my pain.
(PS–It’s free.)
I did an interview today for Davisville on KDRT; it will play throughout the week on the station. Two of my students are interviewing me at 8 a.m. for the campus radio station.
So medicine is on my mind.
Coincidentally, I’m reading Quackery: A Brief History of the Worst Ways to Cure Everything by Lydia Kang and Nate Pedersen.
When they’re discussing mercury, they talk about how the element found its way into overuse in the American medical system. The US Army Medical Corp happened to make a symbolic mistake when they chose their emblem back in 1902 (i.e., they chose the wrong symbol, which becomes symbolic). They chose the caduceus instead of the rod of asclepius. The latter was a symbol of health and healing. The former, which is still misused in America, is Hermes’s/Mercury’s staff.
Mercury the element poisons people. Mercury’s staff represents greed, avarice, and thievery (you know: capitalism).
I’m not dating right now. It’s been less than a month since I broke up with my last guy. In the time since, there’s been Christmas, a conference, the start of a quarter, a crisis for one of my projects, lung problems, a stolen purse, etc.
I’m exhausted; the idea of putting a profile back up makes me want to hobble to my bed and stay there.
(Maybe if I stay there long enough, I’ll fall asleep for 100 years. If fairy tales are to be believed, the stranger who comes into my bedroom and starts touching me is a winner. Plus, they say you find your mate when you’re not looking. Not being conscious = not looking.)
So imagine my annoyance when a guy on FB started putting the moves on me, like it was a dating site (I had confirmed his friend request because, even though I didn’t recognize him, I thought I might have met him at a conference or something).
I told him I don’t chat with random people on FB. He said he thought FB was for making friends. I said some people might use it that way, but that I didn’t–that I use it to keep in contact with friends, family, and fans.
He then started talking about my pictures on FB and complimented me in what I consider a cheesy way (no, I’m obviously not the first woman made after Eve).
The next morning, he tried again. I reminded him that I don’t chat on FB.
He said he wanted to get to know me and then asked about the weather.
Then he said I didn’t need to be rude, after I told him I was working and didn’t have time to chat, especially about the weather.
I explained that I was merely being clear, and that I was frustrated that he continued to try to chat with me.
Then many, many messages came.
He is godly, you see.
A widower.
A lonely widower.
His spirit tells him I have a good heart.
He doesn’t understand why “all [I] give [him] is rejection.”
Rejection, of course, is all one should expect when approaching strangers, no matter what one hopes.
I don’t make resolutions–if I did, breaking them would be just another thing to beat myself up about (like most Americans, I have a negative running commentary that tells me I’m too fat, that I’m not kind enough, that I don’t work hard enough (that one is insane, considering how much I work), etc.).
But I have aspirations.
I want to try more new recipes. My goal is at least four a month.
I want to discover new music. You, dear reader, can help me with that.
I want to watch more stand-up comedy. My goal is at least two new specials a month.
I want to buy more things second-hand. This is hard, because I hate shopping in the first place, so jumping on the internet for exactly what I want is much easier.
I want to be less aspirational when buying fruit and yogurt. I am not going to eat as many servings as I think I will in the moment, and I don’t want to waste food.
I want to blog more.
I want to spend more time with my friends.
I would like to hurt less and to work less, but I don’t have any idea how to do that right now, except for to keep doing what I’m doing–my exercises, my appointments, my paying down medical debt.
Most importantly, I want to try to fight back more against that awful voice in my head.
I would like to treat myself as well as people who love me do.
I want to remember that every picture of me is a beautiful picture, no matter what I look like, as long as I’m happy in it.
Times I got to be in a room with Peter S. Beagle: 1
Plays/Performances (The Nether at CapStage, Cudamani at Mondavi, Eddie Izzard at Mondavi, Weird Al at the Crest, The Bluest Eye at UCD, Office Hour at Berkeley Rep, Angels in America at Berkeley Rep, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in London, Tartuffe in London, The Jungle in London, Everyone’s Talking About Jaime in London; The Thanksgiving Play at CapStage; Tig Notaro in Napa; three staged readings at CapStage; The Wolves at CapStage; Alan Parsons Project at the Crest; A Doll’s House, Part 2 at Berkeley Rep; Snow in Midsummer in Ashland, Manahatta in Ashland, The Way the Mountain Moved in Ashland, The Book of Will in Ashland, Brian Poshein at the Punchline; Sweat at CapStage; Rae Gouirand in Woodland; Paula Poundstone at PCA/ACA; Paula Poundstone at Mondavi; Meet Me in St. Louis at the Woodland Opera House): 29
(Best Play: The Jungle)
(Worst Play: Tartuffe (Runner up: Meet Me in St. Louis))
Campus Book Project Performances Performed: 2
Safe cars purchased for the boy: 1
Healthcare appts: too many (I average three/four a week)
Conferences (SWPCA/ACA (Albuquerque), PCA/ACA (Indianapolis), Great Writing Conference (London), WorldCon in San Jose; MPCA/ACA in Indianapolis; Utopian Studies (Berkeley): 6
Conferences turned down: 2
Trips with Melissa: 3
Trips with Vanessa: 3
Berkeley
Side trips to Santa Fe: 1
Santa Fe
Times I had a color-changing cocktail: 1
Speakers hosted through Conversations with Writers: 1 (Mike Winfield!)
Times I got to see what was in Frida Kahlo’s bathroom: 1
Close disasters that harmed our lungs and closed our schools: 1
Times I was featured in UC Davis magazine: 1
Margaret Atwood Journal volumes edited: 1
Times I walked past George RR Martin: 3
Honey festivals attended: 1
Presents from my mother for my birthday in August: unknown; she swears she’ll get around to sending it/them.
Appreciation certificates: 1
Showcases with my stand-up kids: many
Books turned in to publishers: 2
Book proposals turned in to publishers: 1
Awesome book covers Denise fought hard for and that we got: 1
Book club meetings at my place: about 50
Days I thought, “wow, I thought this country couldn’t get any worse, but . . .”: 365
Cheating students caught: 5
Upper Division Comp Exam Administrations: 3
Cats who passed: 2
Osiris and I on his last day
Kittens we adopted: 2
Thoth is the black one; Graymalkin is the gray one.
Black cats who now live here: 2
Parts of my face that are safe from a black kitten: 0
Thoth, with me in his mouth
Blind cats who now live here: 1
Blogs I discovered praising my teaching: 1
New restaurants: Many
(Favorite: Talli-Joe’s in London)
Museums: many
Karlissa at the British Museum
Times I decided to dye the ends of my hair blue-black, for a comic book Wonder Woman effect, which was supposed to be gone after 7-14 washes: 1
Months the ends of my hair have been green: 6 (and counting)
Books read: lots
Books given up on: 3
New musicians discovered: many
(favorite: Laura Mvula)
Nandos meals: 1
This obscenity is aimed at the photographer, dear reader.
Shows binge-watched: Too many?
Haircuts: 1
Pedicures: 3 (lifetime: 3)
Manicures: 0 (lifetime: 0)
Time with friends: Never enough.
Abdominal migraines: 1
Visits to the ER for abdominal migraines: 1
Times during that visit that I had to explain to healthcare professionals what abdominal migraines are: 3
Times I had to go the ER because I suddenly started feeling really weird and it hurt to breathe but I was in a meeting with our HR person and I thought to myself, “something is really wrong. As soon as I get out of this meeting and teach my class and grade some papers, I should lie down.” But then the HR woman said, “you are rapidly changing colors. Can I call you an ambulance?”
Times I had my son come pick me up from the HR woman’s office because there was no way I was going to pay $800 for an ambulance again.
Times I told the ER doc that I was relieved that he didn’t know what was wrong with me, because if he did know, it would mean I’d had a heart attack or an embolism: 1
Times I took an actual vacation to Ashland: 1
Times my car was chased by a wild turkies: 2
New recipes: Many
(Favorites: crock pot pra ram; creamy creole pasta with shrimp)
Raises for an accomplishment from three years ago: 1
Raises for an accomplishment from two years ago: 1
Ridiculously awful things UCD has done since then (to me and mine), including making it impossible for me to get another merit raise: 2
This summer, I got to be in the same room with Peter S. Beagle.
It was WorldCon, and we were celebrating The Last Unicorn, which will soon be reissued, with Beagle’s notes.
I love both the book and the movie (Angela Lansbury as a hag? Yes, please!). Not only did I watch the hell out of my VHS copy when I was young, but I’m sure I damaged it by spending a whole afternoon pausing, rewinding, and re-playing each song so I could write out the song lyrics by hand.
Here are a few things Beagle let us in on at WorldCon:
Christopher Lee, when agreeing to be the aging King in the film, said he wanted to do it because it was the closest he would get to playing Lear.
The butterfly’s ramblings contain a reference to Six Who Pass While the Lentils Boil by Stuart Walker.
The butterfly is Beagle’s “self portrait.”
Molly and Schmendrick weren’t in the first draft at all, which Beagle says is especially surprising since “Molly is the heart of the book.”
I’m looking forward to learning more when the special edition comes out.
Until then, I’m just gonna keep watching this cover of theme song by Ninja Sex Party.
The Sac State copy of The Last Unicorn has Beagle’s signature!
Anubis, my son’s giant black cat, has had a cold. Even though he only touches the kittens when batting them away, he has passed it on.
Thoth (my little black cat) is sneezing quite a lot.
This is unfortunate, since he frequently sleeps on or near my face.
Thoth, asleep, with my chin in his mouth.
This morning, he woke me up by sneezing directly into my mouth.
So that was the start of the day, followed by an awareness of pain on the left side of my back, which isn’t unusual–it’s been acting up.
I checked the clock, discovering it was one minute after I was supposed to be at my allergy shot appointment.
(I’m not usually the type to sleep in, so I hadn’t thought to set the alarm.)
I ran into the bathroom, to pee and change.
My back went out in between the two.
So I ended up at my appointment, limping, twenty minutes late, and still in my pajamas.
While my shot nurse was injecting me (it’s four vials every two weeks–it takes a while), we discussed my problem. Then she called my GP’s PA, upstairs.
Luckily, I’m around there so often that everyone knows my name and the things my body gets up to.
My GP said he would fit me in in an hour.
I went home so the boy could drive me back (I’m not allowed to drive after a back pain shot).
On the way, we discussed the morning and the unliklihood of my getting a cold from the a cat.
“But this is how bird flus and swine flus start.”
I decided that we should definitely call it the Anubis plague if it does happen.
The boy said I should ask the doctor about it, but we had other things to discuss.
Doc: How did you throw it out?
Me: Trying to change into big girl pants.
Doc: Yeah. Each time I throw my back out, I try not to repeat that motion.
Me: I have to change into big girl pants again someday, Paul.
Doc: That’s true. One time, I was in the closet and I [starts bending down] . . . I should not act this out.
Me: Probably not.
Doc: I thought about just letting [the shot nurse] give you the meds cause I was busy, but then I thought that was irresponsible, but now that I’m with you, saying it out loud, I realize I should have just let her give you the shot.
Me: Probably.
So now I’m home, on my back.
A little sick black kitten is cuddled up with me, sleeping on my neck.
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