Movies*: 134

Ones I most recommend that you might not know about: 3 (The Mitchells vs. The Machines; the new Persuasion; Russell Howard: Lubricant)

Times an Irish woman sitting near me talked all the way through The Banshees of Inisherin, feeling really proud of herself for announcing what a character was about to do, when the character had just said, “I will do x,” but could not grasp one of the last plot points at all: 1

Number of the 53 Oscar nominated films seen: 48

of the Oscar shorts nominated:

4 of the documentary shorts

4 of the live action shorts

4 of the animated shorts

Short film festivals attended: 2

Resolutions to watch a short film a day in 2022: 1

Resolutions broken to watch a short film a day in 2022: 1

Short films watched in total, though: 103

abdominal migraines: 2

Shows rewatched in their entirety**: 14

(Got to Season 28 in The Simpsons rewatch)

Pies in apple bags: 1 (which my nephew ate most of)

Headlining stand-up performances: 1

Laptops broken by cat (with an assist from me): 1

New obsessive hobbies: 1 (genealogy)

Famous ancestors found: tons, cause we’re linked to John of Gaunt on mom’s side

Discoveries that my paternal grandfather’s parents were cousins: 1

Discoveries that I am linked to Scottish Andersons on both parents’ sides: 1

Times I found Daniel Boone in the tree: 1

Times I missed my grandfather, who would have been excited to see what I found as I continued his work: so many

Shows kept up with (and sometimes finished), not counting ones that were rewatched entirely***: 39

Countries traveled in: 5, two of which get their own blog (USA, Republic of Ireland, Scotland, Northern Ireland, Spain)

Incredible heat waves in Spain: 1

Trips to foreign ERs: 1

New tv shows watched****: 35

Hysterectomies that almost got cancelled due to COVID surge in the hospital: 1

Hours the boy waited in the waiting room for my hysterectomy: 12

Times vomiting while being wheeled out of the hospital, because they didn’t admit me for some reason: 2

Times I learned I have a weird M antibody in my blood: 1

Grammar errors in the letter UCD sent me about my weird blood: 3

Trips to Chicago: 2

Museums, galleries, heritage sites, etc: 58

Months I had to wait for an ear exam I needed: 5

Months still waiting for a dermatology appointment: 4

Health system fuck ups related to my allergies in just one week: 4

Average number of healthcare appointments, weekly: 3

Dear Friends Lost: 2

Weird Al shows missed cause I was in Dublin: 1

Trips to Nando’s: 14

Performing Stand-Up, here and abroad: 7

Senior stand-up shows: 3

Sold out stand-up class shows: 1

Times swimming: 3

Breweries in Napa: 1

Wineries in Napa: 1

Times I actually picked up my wine club selections from Placerville: 1

Different whiskies and scotches consumed whilst in the British Isles: 83

Atwood journals out: 1

Atwood journal pages: 405

Times I was surprised by the bad writing other journals apparently let their authors get away with, when reviewing the abstracts in the bibliography section: so many!

New breweries: 6 (3 in Indianapolis)

Servings of lamb: 20

Servings of the best fries in Indy: 2

Bourbons tried in Indy: 6

Atwood Newsletters produced: 3

Letters of Rec written: 12

Live comedy shows attended, including performances by Jim Gaffigan, Tig, Keith Lowell Jensen, John Mulaney, and Hannah Gadsby: 14

New shitty used cars: 1

Times a friend snuck in under my not dating anyone rule: 2

Times one of those friends became my boyfriend, then my fiancé: 1

Days without a bra in a row, since I fell in December and it hurt my busted shoulder too much to get into one: 60 (not counting the December days)

New Recipes Tried******: 61

Favorite new recipes: 7 (Dijon Thyme Burgers; Rosemary Paprika Chicken with Fries; Lamb Ragu; Red Lentil Soup with Lemon; “Best Damn Pork Tenderloin” in the Air Fryer; Huli Huli Chicken with Macaroni Salad with Lemon and Herbs; Chicken and Leek Stew)

Times I was able to cook in my little Dublin room: 0

White Elephant Parties with my new in-laws: 1

Quarters off for medical leave: 1

Days I was horrified anew at the state of the Republican party: 365

Texts from my fiancé’s QAnon mother (whom I have yet to meet & whom everyone keeps warning me about) to his brother, indicating that my fiancé was probably just marrying me for my money: 1

Times I have looked around my shitty apartment or worried about the horrible sounds my car makes and laughed about the idea of anyone thinking I have money: hundreds

Actual concrete plans to tie the knot made: 0

Dishes I made with last new year’s ham*******: 13

New, mysterious body problems: 4

Days waking up not in awful, continuously worsening pain: 0

Courses taught: 9

Terms abroad that almost didn’t happen: 1

Learning that that term abroad may not happen, for anyone, again: 1

Podcasts listened to********: 19

Applications for relief of my direct loans through TEPSLF: 1

Clarity about whether it’s been granted: 0

Letters from DOE saying my small parent loan will be forgiven if the Supreme Court allows it: 1

Times I served on an honors committee for a student writing on Atwood at another university: 1

Conferences attended: 3

Conference appearances I had to cancel to teach in Dublin: 3

Magazines subscribed to*********: 4

Tours of the Isle of Sky: 1

Rioja festivals: 1

Days overseas: 92

Times I explained to my mother why I was going to Peñíscola in Spain & told her how they spelled it: 2

Times my mother got her souvenir magnet from Peñíscola and said, “but did you realize they spelled Pensacola wrong on it: is this a joke magnet?”: 1

Covid Boosters: 1

Times I got Covid, despite all the world traveling I did: 0

Yay for vaccines!!!!!!

Books finished**********: 111

Anubis ER visits: 1

Anubis surgeries: 1

Years since I had physically seen my now fiancé when we had our first date: 20

Dates with said fiancé: 11

Shortest number of days each date consisted of: 3

Times my voting ballot got to me in Ireland, despite simply having my name and the name of the street on it: 1

Times I got dressed up with the Pumpkin King, in February: 1

Live Plays attended***********: 19

Times I posted about a play and then got to chat with the playwright: 1

Talks attended: 1 (Kendi)

Perfect engagement days: 1

The details:

*Movies: Labyrinth; Being the Ricardos; South Part: Post-Covid; The Wings of the Dove; Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them I; Chaplin; Return to Hogwarts; Queen Bees; Mary Poppins Returns; Luca; Paddington 2; Red Notice; Eddie Izzard: Sexie; Eddie Izzard: Stripped; Save Yourselves!; Force Majeure; Ron’s Gone Wrong; Living in Oblivion; Nights at the Museum Trilogy; Spenser; Don’t Look Up; Leslie Jones: Problem Child; Michael Che: Shame the Devil; The Courier; Sister Act; Russell Howard: Recalibrate; Tick, Tick, Boom!; The Addams Family; The Hand of God; Four Good Days; Ali Wong: Don Wong; Licorice Pizza; The Lost Daughter; The Worst Person in the World; Summer of Soul; Attica; Daniel Deronda miniseries; The French Dispatch; Keith Lowell Jensen: Not for Rehire; Taylor Tomlinson: Quarter Life Crisis: Iliza Shlesinger: Unveiled; Taylor Tomlinson: Look at You; Russell Howard: Lubricant (4x); Nate Bargatze special in The Standups; Nate Bargatze: The Tennessee Kid; Jim Gaffigan: Comedy Monster; Seeing Red; The Mitchells vs. The Machines; CODA; Drive My Car; Parallel Mothers; King Richard; Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings; Death on the Nile; Flee; West Side Story; The Tragedy of Macbeth; Nightmare Alley; Belfast (x2); No Time to Die; Cruella; Lunana: A Yak in the Classroom; The Eyes of Tammy Faye; Ascension; Death on the Nile; Beetlejuice; Lucy and Desi; The Iron Giant; The Adam Project; They Came Together; Jerrod Carmichael: Rothaniel; Doctor Strange 2; Travels with my Aunt; Kimi; A Room with a View; St. Elmo’s Fire; Tonight or Never; Special Agent; Le Test; Arthur Rambo; The Princess Bride; Brave; Meet the Parents; The Green Knight; Star Trek IV; Everything, Everywhere, All At Once (x2); Downton Abbey; Persuasion; Thor: Love and Thunder; Us; Uncharted; The Duke; The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent; Cabin in the Woods; Nope; Prey; See How They Run; Ron Funches: Giggle Fit; Decision to Leave; Black Adam; The Woman King; Enola Holmes 2; Confess, Fletch; Wakanda Forever; Hasan Minhaj: King’s Jester; The Wonder; Patton Oswalt: We All Scream; Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris; Mr. Malcolm’s List; Jurassic Park: Dominion; Trevor Noah: I Wish You Would; 4 Thin Man movies; The Fifth Element; Bridget Jones’s Diary; 8-bit Christmas; The Banshees of Inisherin; Bros; Aftersun; Disenchanted; She Said; Always; Once; Living; National Theatre Live: The Seagull, Jack Absolute Flies Again, The Book of Dust, Henry V, and Prima Facie; Marcel The Shell With Shoes On; Glass Onion

**Shows rewatched: Modern Family; Scrubs; The Good Place; Barry; Only Murders in the Building; Good Omens; For All Mankind; Resident Alien; The Unbreakable Kimmie Schmidt; Ted Lasso; Community; I’m Sorry (3X); Avenue 5; Star Trek: Lower Decks

***Shows kept up with (and sometimes finished), not counting ones that were rewatched entirely: The Simpsons; The Expanse; Archer; Seaside Hotel; Dexter; Bob’s Burgers; All Creatures Great and Small; After Life; Saturday Night Live; Ramy; Reservation Dogs; Woke; Mr. Mayor; Discovery of Witches; Master of None; Star Trek: Discovery; The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel; Killing Eve; Picard; Outlander; Mr. Mayor; The Last Kingdom; Last Week Tonight with John Oliver; Hacks; Grace and Frankie; Stranger Things; Russian Doll; Bridgerton; Harley Quinn; Breeders; Better Call Saul; Disenchantment; The Crown; Dead to Me; Miss Scarlet and the Duke; Doctor Who; Late Night with Seth Meyers; The Good Fight; What We Do in the Shadows

****New Shows: The Other Two; Silent Sea; Around the World in 80 Days; Foundation; Invasion; Vienna Blood; Mare of Easttown; Sex Lives of College Girls; Siempre Bruja; Acapulco; Sweet Tooth; The Woman in the House Across from the Girl in the Window; The Gilded Age; Framed: A Sicilian Murder Mystery; The After Party; Awkwakina is Nora from Queens; Inventing Anna; Vikings: Valhalla; Our Flag Means Death; Abbot Elementary; Star Trek: Strange New Worlds; Kids in the Hall reboot; Vikings; Uncoupled; The White Queen; Sandman; Moonhaven; A League of Their Own; A Private Affair; She-Hulk Attorney at Law; The Extraordinary Attorney Woo; Paper Girls; Reboot; Station 11

******New Recipes Tried: Apple-Ham Quiche; Raspberry-Ham Sandwiches; Creamy Cauliflower, Potato, and White Bean Soup; Dijon Thyme Burgers; Garlic Soy Chicken Thighs; Piri Piri Chicken Breast and Pasta; Spanish Tortilla with Ham; Black Manhattan cocktail; Pad Krapow Gai; French Bread Pizza; Sweet and Sour Brussels Sprouts; Chili-spiced Chicken; One Dance cocktail; Kofta Burgers; Homemade Air Fryer Fries; Curried Lentil Stew with Ham; Chicken Parmesan Sliders; Chicken Bacon Ranch Bake; Slow Cooker Sweet and Sour Chicken; Rosemary Paprika Chicken with Fries; Spiralized Potato Nests; French Onion Pork Chops; Sesame Chicken in the Slow Cooker; Cumin Burgers with Harissa Mayo; Air Fryer Cod Sandwich; Air Fryer Salmon Patties; Hoisin Pork in the Air Fryer; Air Fryer Burgers with Thai Peanut Sauce; Homemade Pizza with homemade crust; Better Than Sex Cake; Pork in Plum Sauce; Shrimp, Brussels, and Polenta in the Air Fryer; Lamb Ragu; Red Lentil Soup with Lemon; Thai Drumsticks in the Air Fryer; Mojo-Marinated Pork; Chicken Cordon Bleu in the air fryer; Chicken Burgers with Spicy Peanut Sauce; Sweet Hot Baked Chicken Breast; “Best Damn Pork Tenderloin” in the Air Fryer; Chinese Pork Medallions with Ginger Lemon Sauce; Fig and Ginger Upside-Down Cake; Pork Tenderloin in Chimichurri; Teriyaki Chicken and Bok Choy; Thai-Style Stir-fried Ground Pork with Basil (Pad Ka Prao); Huli Huli Chicken with Macaroni Salad with Lemon and Herbs; Grilled Okra, Corn, and Tomato Salad; Vietnamese Lemongrass Pork; Chicken and Leek Stew; Ham Hock and Lentil Soup; Air Fryer Chili Lime Chicken Thighs; Limoncello Mojito; Middle Eastern Herb and Garlic Chicken; Soboro Donburi; Crunchy Baked Pesto Chicken Thighs; Garlic Chili Green Beans with Black Bean Chicken; Chef John’s Drunken Noodles; White Manhattan cocktail; White Lady cocktail; New York Sour cocktail

*******Dishes I made with my new year ham: Cubanos; Raspberry-Ham Sandwiches; Apple-Ham Quiche; Baked-Potato Soup; Ham Dinner; Andouille Mac and Cheese; Creamy Cauliflower, Potato, and White Bean Soup; Split Pea Soup; Spanish Tortilla with Ham; Curried Lentil Stew with Ham; Quiche; Ham Tetrazinni; Lentil Soup with Ham

********Podcasts: Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me; You’re Wrong About; Morning Edition; Reveal; Savage Lovecast; This American Life; Side Door; Radio Lab; On Our Watch; Dolly Parton’s America; The Experiment; Mississippi Goddamn; The Trojan Horse Affair; The War of the Roses; American History Tellers; We Were Three; Working it Out; LeVar Burton Reads; This Podcast Will Kill You

*********Magazines: The New Yorker; Asimov’s; Discover; Fantasy and Science-Fiction Magazine

**********Books: Contemporary Women’s Post-Apocalyptic Fiction by Susan Watkins; The Rivers of London Books 7 & 8 & 9, Tales from the Folly by Ben Aaronovitch; The President’s Brain is Missing by John Scalzi; Dearly by Margaret Atwood; Still Life by Sarah Winman; Meat Cute: The Hedgehog Incident by Gail Carriger; Delightfully Deadly trilogy by Gail Carriger; Inanna’s Tears by Rob Vollman & MPMANN; Cathedral by Raymond Carver; Jim Henson’s Labyrinth: Coronation volumes; Wolf Hall; D: A Tale of Two Worlds by Michel Faber; Monstress vol. 1 by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda; The Best of Me by David Sedaris; The Best American Comics 2018; A History of Wild Places by Shea Ernshaw; Ancient Egypt by Campbell Price; Little Weirds by Jenny Slate; Hamnet by Maggie O’ Farrell; The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi; Circus of Wonders by Elizabeth Macneal; Gallant by V.E. Schwab; Ink & Sigil 2 by Kevin Hearne; Ark by Veronica Roth; Randomize by Andy Weir; Emergency Skin by N.K. Jemisin; The Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi; No Country for Old Gnomes by Kevin Hearne; How Quini the Squid Misplaced His Klobucar by Rich Larson; My Evil Mother by Margaret Atwood; Wolf of Wessex by Matthew Harffy; What Have You Changed Your Mind About? by John Brockman; Kaikeyi by Vaishnavi Patel; Everything My Mother Taught Me by Alice Hoffman; Halfway to Free by Emma Donoghue; How the Multiverse Got Its Revenge by K. Eason; The Year of Lear by James S. Shapiro; Hurricane Girl by Marge Dermansky; Wild Country and Crowbones by Anne Bishop; The Rabbit Factor by Antti Tuomainen; Incryptid 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 by Seanan McGuire; The Magician’s Diary by C.J. Archer; A Shitload of Crazy Powers by Jackson Ford; Unforgettable by Eric James Stone; Paladin’s Grace & Paladin’s Strength by T. Kingfisher; Florida Woman by Deb Rogers; An Elderly Lady is Up to No Good by Helene Tursten; The Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean; Where the Drowned Girls Go by Seanan McGuire; The Pirate Queen by Judith Cooke; Woman, Eating by Claire Kohda; Artifact Space by Miles Cameron; Clocktaur books by T. Kingfisher; We Are Bone and Earth by Esi Edugyan; Ash Wednesday by Paula McLain; The Near Witch by V.E. Schwab; Uncharted Waters by Sally Hepworth; You’re Invited by Amanda Jayatissa; One Way by SJ Morden; Themes and Variations by David Sedaris; Young, Damned, and Fair by Gareth Russell; That Time I Got Drunk and Saved a Demon by Kimberly Lemming; The Dispatcher by John Scalzi; Keeper of Enchanted Rooms by Charlie N. Holmberg; The Book of the Unnamed Midwife by Meg Elison; That Leviathan, Whom Thou Hast Made by Eric James Stone; A Psalm for the Wild-Built: 1 by Beck Chambers; The Princess Beard by Kevin Hearne and Delilah S. Dawson; The School Mistress by Tess Thompson; The City of Brass by S.A. Chakraborty; Glass and Steele 4, 5, & 6 by C.J. Arthur; The Changeling by Victor LaValle; The Man Who Died by Antti Tuomainen; A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine; Palm Beach, Finland by Antti Tuomainen; Magic Bitter, Magic Sweet by Charlie N. Holmberg; The Fortunes of Jaded Women by Carolyn Huynh; The Spare Man by Mary Robinette Kowal; Letter to My Younger Self, edited by Jane Graham; Maniac of New York series of comics; ExtraOrdinary series of comics; The Maid by Nita Prose; The Pull of the Stars by Emma Donoghue

***********Plays: Pass Over; Death and Harry Houdini; Lifespan of a Fact; Smart People; Sanctuary City; The Last Return; Vanishing Grace; Lost Hearts; The Best Man; The Whiskey Wars; Solar Bones; Potted Potter; If These Wigs Could Talk; Haunted; Sky Falls; The Weir; An Lan; Afterplay; Tootsie

In some of my classes, I offer book club extra credit. Students read a book, and we meet during finals week to talk about it.

Several years ago, I chose Maus for my Writing in Social Justice class.

We had a wonderful discussion, but one moment will stay with me forever. One student said Maus taught her about the camps.

The rest of us were aghast. She knew about the Holocaust, right? Yes, but she had never heard of the camps.

She thought all of the Jews and other people the Nazis didn’t like were simply shot on sight.

She had never watched any of the great films: Life is Beautiful, Schindler’s List. She didn’t know where and how Anne Frank died.

A student dedicated to social justice was missing a key part of history.

That’s why we must not ban books; we must read them.

I can’t remember who recommended Anne Rice’s vampire series to me when I was a teenager, but I quickly fell in love. I quickly moved on to her other books.

I loved how engrossing they were and appreciated that they were long, so I could stay in those worlds for a long time.

I also loved that so many were set in New Orleans. My stepfather had a time share there–one week a year, it was my home.

In my early attempt to read everything she’d written, I picked up Sleeping Beauty, only to discover S&M. It wasn’t my thing, but my mom and aunt thought it was hilarious that I’d accidentally read porn.

It wasn’t only the Vampire series, though. The Mayfair witches books weaved their spell. The two books I remember most, all these years later, though, are stand-alone: The Feast of All Saints, about free blacks in antebellum New Orleans, and Cry to Heaven, about the castrati in Italy. They’re the books I still own, the ones that survived all the purges and the moves.

I haven’t read an Anne Rice book in a long time. I tried a late entry in the Vampire series a few years ago, and while it felt . . . familiar, it wasn’t anything I wanted to sink my teeth into.

But I will always remember those early days with her books. Once, I was reading Cry to Heaven on a beach. When my boyfriend tried to ask me about lunch, coming back to reality was a struggle–I had to blink several times, to reassure myself I was in fact in Florida and not in Italy. I said we could do whatever my boyfriend wanted, hoping he would let me get back to the cobblestone streets of centuries ago.

I haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey, but I’m sure Rice’s S&M book was written better.

When my students say Stephanie Meyer made vampires sexy, Antonio Banderas’s Armand rises from his slumber and wraps his lips around my heart.

Tonight, I’m going to raise a glass of very red wine to heartthrobs, New Orleans, and Anne Rice.

In no particular order.

Trips to Marina’s cabin in the woods: 1

Octopus necklaces: 1

Octopus necklaces that need a new clasp: 1

Tire blowouts on the freeway: 1

Books Read and Reread: 75

(Blonde Roots by Bernadine Evaristo; The Swallowed Man by Edward Carey; State of Wonder by Ann Patchett; The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern; The Witch’s Heart by Genevieve Gornichec*; Middle-Game by Seanan McGuire; A Darker Shade of Magic (and its two sequels) by V.E. Schwab*; Vicious and Vengeful by V.E. Schwab; The Illigitimates by Killam, Andreyko, Sharpe, and Pantazis; Stiletto by Daniel O’Malley*; Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir*; 1st two books in The Sixth World series by Rebecca Roanhorse; The Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi; The Will and the Wilds by Charlie N. Holmberg; The Chosen and the Beautiful by Nghi Vo; The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab*; McSweeney’s Enchanted Chamber of Astonishing Stories; The Sunset Route by Carrot Quinn; The Children of Virtue and Vengeance by Tomi Adeyemi; Mrs. March by Virginia Feito; City of Ghosts by Victoria Schwab; The Line Becomes a River by Francisco Cantú; The Books of Magic by Neil Gaiman; The Inheritance of Orquidea Divina by Zoraida Cordova; The Last Graduate by Naomi Novik; Sistersong by Lucy Holland; Cat’s Eye by Margaret Atwood*; Artemis by Andy Weir; The Witching Hour by Anne Rice; How Rory Thorne Destroyed the Multiverse by K. Easton; The first six books of the Rivers of London series by Ben Aaronovitch; Fuzz by Mary Roach; Kill the Farm Boy by Kevin Hearne and Delilah S. Dawson; The Tale of the Wicked by John Scalzi; An Election by John Scalzi; The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss*; Ink & Sigil by Kevin Hearne; Snow White, Blood Red Anthology; Across the Green Fields by Seanan McGuire; the first three books in the Glass and Steele series by C.J. Archer; the four books in The Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas; Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory by Martha Wells; the first three books in The Frost Files series by Jackson Ford; Spellmaker by Charlie N. Holmberg; Fugitive Telemetry by Martha Wells; Unexpected Stories by Octavia E. Butler; Kindred by Octavia E. Butler*; Passage by Connie Willis; The Master Magician, The Glass Magician, and The Paper Magician by Charlie N. Holmberg; A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking by T. Kingfisher; the last two books in the Parasitology series by Mira Grant; I Met a Traveller in an Antique Land by Connie Willis; Take a Look at the Five and Ten by Connie Willis; four back issues of Asmimov’s)–asterisks denote the most beloved

The book from last year I can’t get out of my mind: Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller

Books I’m reading right now: 7

Haircuts: 2, which is 2 more than last year!

Bras worn since I fucked up my shoulder a month ago: 0

Average number of times I scream during the day by moving my arm wrong: 3

Average number of times I scream and wake myself up at night by moving my arm wrong: 5

Dishes I made with my 2021 New Year Ham: 8

(Split Pea Soup; Baked Potato Soup; Ham Dinner; Herbed White Bean Soup; Ham Tetrazzinni; Jambalaya; Ham & Zucchini Bread; Quiche)

Letters of Rec written: 12 (they’re down because of the pandemic)

Magazine Subscriptions: 6

(Discovery; The New Yorker; Food and Wine; All Recipes; Asimov’s; Science Fiction and Fantasy)

Uncomfortable, unadjustable treadmills bought: 1

Other health and safety setbacks to my attempts to be in better shape: 5

Pounds I lost, slowly, anyway: 15

Equity Professional Development workshops attended: 3

Times I rolled my eyes when in equity workshops I was told that we shouldn’t ever count work as late, give zeros to missing assignments, or give credit to students who actually do all the assignments well (they are apparently all wealthy and entitled), or count anything in the final grade except the one assignment they did the best on: SO many.

Simpsons/Davis/Doctor Who paintings acquired: 1

New to me TV watched/binged: 51

(Bridgerton; Supernatural; Star Trek Lower Decks*; All Creatures Great and Small; The Flight Attendant; Miss Scarlet and Duke; Mr. Mayor; Flack; Resident Alien*; Call My Agent; The Watch; Luther; It’s a Sin; The Bureau; Staged*; Lupin; Made for Love; The Nevers*; Family Business; Shtisel; Falcon and the Winter Soldier; Hacks; Ted Lasso*; For All Mankind*; Atlantic Crossing; Wandavision; Loki*; Feel Good; Us; Ragnarok; Blindspotting; Schmigadoon; I’m Sorry*; Dickinson; Katla; Harley Quinn*; Only Murders in the Building; The Chair; The Cook of Castamar; Reservation Dogs; Y The Last Man; Ghosts*; Seaside Hotel*; Landscapers; Station 11; The Miniaturist; The Chaperone; The Long Song; Dexter: New Blood; Another Life)

Air fryers bought and used SO much: 2

Spiders falling into in my wine, drowning, because they were hiding in my aerator: 1

Shows I kept up with: 28

(Doctor Who–I actually finished rewatching all of them again, which I started last year; His Dark Materials; The Discovery of Witches; SNL (except Musk); Seth Meyers (not the interviews, though); Disenchantment; Ramy; The Simpsons; Bob’s Burgers; Stath Lets Flats; John Oliver; Avenue 5; Breeders; The Handmaid’s Tale; The Daily Show; Shrill; Kim’s Convenience; the end of Conan’s show; The Kominski Method; Miracle Workers; AP Bio; After Life; Dead to Me; The Great; Star Trek Discovery; Lost in Space; Grace and Frankie; Woke)

Not-new shows I rewatched in their entirety: 8

(The Expanse; Star Trek: Voyager; Brooklyn 99; Torchwood; Futurama XMas episodes; BBC’s Pride and Prejudice; Call the Midwife; finished rewatching Schitt’s Creek again)

Seasons of The Simpsons the boy and I rewatched: 27

Campus Book Project Talks Given: 2

Postcards and letters sent: not sure, but about 200

Awesome Keynote Speeches Given: 1

Amazing Online Margaret Atwood Conferences: 1

Favorite New Recipes: 13

(corn ice cream; skillet enchiladas; air fryer katsu; greek chicken; air fryer tandoori chicken; harissa chicken; lentils with sausage and apples; drunken noodles; gingerbread cake; green curry chicken with green beans; salmon in fig sauce; fig cake; honey-glazed chicken and shallots)

Average number of health appointments per week: 3

Average number of pills I take first thing: 10

Time-to-take-my-pills times per day: 5

In-person conferences: 1

Audience members at the in-person conference presentation who were not the chair, a speaker, or a speaker’s boyfriend: 1

Movies watched and rewatched: 176

(The Thin Man Returns; Another Thin Man; WW84; Soul; That Touch of Mink; Elizabeth is Missing; Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid; Nomadland*; The Thin Man Goes Home; Coming 2 America; The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone; The Age of Innocence; How to Be A Good Wife; The Adventures of Margo and Marguerite; SFFF Short Films; Judas and the Black Messiah; Minari; Trial of the Chicago Seven; Mank; Over the Moon; Oscar Shorts; Borat Subsequent Moviefilm; Sound of Metal; Wolfwalkers*; White Tiger; Covergirl; Tenet; Hopscotch; Thunder Force; The ABCs of Love; Army of the Dead; Wild Irish Thyme; Shrek 1 & 2; Song of the Thin Man; 36 Hours; The Goonies*; Willow; Rava and the Last Dragon; Murphy’s Romance; Design for Living; Eat a Bowl of Tea; SFFF Shorts (2nd set); Love Affair(s); Faithful; Live Flesh; Dark Habits; The Sunshine Boys; De Gaulle; Delete History; Josep; The Bears’ Famous Invasion of Sicily; Red Soil; The V.I.P.s; A Son; All Hands on Deck; June Bride; Appearances; Chariots of Fire; In the Heights; Blue Bird; The Circus; Passion Fish; Waiting for Guffman; Ready or Not; Torn Curtain; The Madness of King George; The Man Who Came to Dinner; Father of the Bride; Pulp; Body Heat; Rachel, Rachel; Running on Empty; Gypsy; Antonio Gaudi; Stowaway; Deathtrap; They Met in Bombay; And So They Were Married; Black Widow; Spider-Man: Homecoming*; Spider-Man: Far From Home; Tequila Sunrise; Secrets and Lies; Any Wednesday; Fun with Dick and Jane (the original); Beverly Hills Cop (all three); The Hard Way; The Suicide Squad 2; Bowfinger; City Slickers; After Earth; French Exit; Greed; See No Evil, Hear No Evil; Batman; Shang-Chi*; Gunpowder Milkshake; Star Trek; Xanadu; The Extra Man; Addicted to Love; Reminiscence; Their Finest; Contagion; Free Guy; Practical Magic; A Promising Young Woman; Primal Fear; No Reservations; Cabin in the Woods*; Blood and Wine; Get Out*; The Witches of Eastwick; Scotland, PA*; Hocus Pocus; Death Becomes Her; The Addams Family (2019); Beautiful Creatures; Super 8; News of the World; What About Bob; Edward Scissorhands*; Ruthless People; Let the Right One In*; The Philadelphia Story*; Alien*; And So It Goes; My Octopus Teacher; Journey 2; Jungle Cruise; Dune; Psycho; For Your Consideration; Shaun of the Dead*; Cinema Paradiso*; Single All the Way; Six Minutes to Midnight; Bridget Jones’s Diary; The Electrical Life of Louis Wain; Russell Howard: Lubricant; The Nightmare Before Christmas; Ironman 3; Jim Gaffigan: Comedy Monster; The Power of the Dog; The Matrix Trilogy; Ocean’s 11; Four Weddings and a Funeral; Breaking News in Yuba County; Scott Pilgrim vs. the World; new Pixar and Disney and Marvel shorts; Silent Night; Oceans 12; Oceans 13; It’s a Wonderful Life; The Bishop’s Wife; Miracle on 34th Street (original); Eddie Izzard: Unrepeatable; Eddie Izzard: Definite Article; Eddie Izzard: Glorious; The Matrix Resurrections; Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill; Seven Psychopaths; Spiderman: No Way Home; Encanto; Rush Hour; Deadpool*; Deadpool 2*; Eddie Izzard: Circle; Tig Notaro: Drawn; Taylor Tomlinson: Quarter-Life Crisis?; Daniel Sloss: X; Daniel Sloss: Dark)

Movies in a movie theatre: 3

Times I’ve watched Labyrinth since Vanessa moved to Indiana: 0

Plans to watch Labyrinth on 1/1/21: 1

Movies I watch without cleaning, answering email, or otherwise trying to be productive: almost none

Days without period blood this month: 8

Days until my hysterectomy: 14

Wine advent calendars: 1

Whiskey advent calendars: 1

Things I didn’t do, places I didn’t visit, friends I didn’t see, because of Covid: innumerable

Classes taught: 16 (four in person)–it’s one line, but this was the bulk of the year

Plays, live, on PBS, and on Zoom: 18

(Angry Raucous and Shamelessly Gorgeous; Joy, Unboxed; Smart People; The Baltimore Waltz, Content; On the Rhine; The Sisters Rosensweig; Writing Fragments; Dear Elizabeth; Small Step; The Brunch Club; A Bee in a Jar; an MFA project on food; Ripe Frenzy; Freedom of Speech; Still Will Be Heard; Ann; Gloria: A Life; Admissions)

Days I didn’t do school or admin work this month: 6 (the most of any month!)

Wisconsin things I tried: 5

(A brandy old-fashioned (I prefer an old-fashioned old-fashioned); fried cheese curds; local sausage; local beer; apple pie in a paper bag)

Public Service Loan Applications I filed: 2

Times the DOE gave me terrible advice, which caused the first application to be rejected, which upped my monthly payment amount to more than my rent, which restarted my PLSF clock, which would have changed what I ultimately paid to the DOE to a quarter of a million dollars, and which caused incredible tension and stress: 2

Fingers I have crossed that the second application works: all of them, toes too. Please cross yours.

Nights of shagging: 1, which is one more than last year

Trips to Indiana: 1

Incredible birthdays in Indiana, which included “duck and duck” and “corn brulee”: 1

Trips to Chicago: 1

Atwood Presidencies ended: 1

Atwood Journal Editorships that continue: 1

Merit raises I won in the last three-year review, on top of my regular cost of living raise, because I am a bad-ass: 1

Fights the union won, after years of negotiations: 1

Strikes averted: 1

Raises I’ll get because of my union in the next few years: several

Cable cords cut: 1

DVRs the company said I didn’t have to give back: 1

Subscription streaming services, though not usually at the same time: 8

Cars in our household: 2

Currently working cars in our household: 1

Energy to deal with the non-working car: 0

Kimonos bought: 6

Kimonos kept: 5

Days I tried to edit an essay about the Sons of Jacob right-wing overthrow of the American government in The Handmaid’s Tale while an actual right-wing coup happened: 1

Republican officials who seem to take a fucking coup seriously: 1

(Oh, wait: her party voted her out.)

Republican officials with any integrity or moral compass on this issue, now that the one is kicked out: 0

Atwood journals out: 1

pages of the Atwood journal: 340

Great covers for the Atwood journal by Scott Shaw: 1

Toes I quickly dipped in the dating pool: 1

Times I was stood up: 1

Times I wasn’t stood up: 1

Toes pulled back up out of the dating pool: 1

New slogans, taken from student evals: 1

(“terrifying in all the right ways”)

MLA presentations in slippers and pajama bottoms: 1

Zoom classes, presentations, and conferences without shoes: all of them

Museums/Exhibits attended: 2

My back going out ruining the first week of class: 1

An ER trip ruining a last class: 1

Facet injections: many, but just one session

Colonoscopies and endoscopies: 1 of each

Uterine scrapings: 1

New xmas tree ornaments: 1

Christmas trees put up, with just lights and that one ornament: 1

Handmade figurines of Emmet Otter’s Jug Band: 4

Christmas card to (and from) a penpal I’ve been writing to since middle school: 1

Presents the boy got me after I nursed him through his oral surgery: 1

Double Mix CD for Valentine’s Day: 1

Double Mix CD for Halloween: 1

Double Mix CD for Christmas: 1

New artists I like that I discovered by listening to NPR’s New Music Playlist on Spotify each week: about two dozen

Live and Zoom Stand-Up watched: 30

(Judah Friedlander; Judy Gold; Dr. Katz Live (3); Todd Barry; SF Sketchfest; my students 7 times; Invisible Disabilities; Birbiglia (2); Maria Bamford (2); Myq Kaplan; Sarah Silverman; the Sklar Brothers; Greg Proops; Todd Barry + Natasha Leggaro birthday show; Pete Holmes; Star Wars Day Show; Louie Anderson; Keith Lowell Jensen; Jackie Kashian; New Year’s Eve Show)

Grief counseling in office hours: many

Night guards made: 2

Night guards I had to stop wearing because it made me grind more: 1

Night guards that may help with something, not sure yet: 1

Students who got into Prized Writing: 2

Podcasts: 21

(Radio Lab*; You’re Wrong About*; Fresh Air; This American Life*; Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me*; Morning Edition; All Things Considered; Working it Out; The Improvement Association*; WTF; 1619; Don’t Ask Tig; Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend; The Experiment; On Our Watch; Invisibilia; Savage Lovecast*; Sex, Death & Money; LeVar Burton Reads; This Podcast Will Kill You; Reveal)

(The two episodes of Radio Lab I most recommend: “Everybody’s Got One”; “Oliver Sipple”)

My stand-up performances: 3

(mon chatte; my partisan pussy; bikes)

Times I got to geek out over Zoom with Ellen Forney: 2

Vaccine Doses: 3

Primary care physicians who retired but came back, like they said they would, despite what everyone thought: 1

Letters from Atwood: 1

Days the cats made me a little happier than I would have been without them: 365

Years I’ve wanted eggnog pie, but not made eggnog pie: so many

Times I finally made eggnog pie: 1

Times I screwed up the texture of the eggnog pie, because I got distracted by Betty White, one of my heroes, dying and thus let part of it set too long while I cried: 1

Slightly-screwed up eggnog pies that I’m going to eat anyway: 1

First, the horrifying news: a former student was abducted and murdered in Russia. We were no longer in contact, but my mind conjured her the second I saw her name. She was an extraordinary young woman.

My 304th class began–and advanced writing course at SCC (asynchronous). A few students are already awesome, and a few are already getting on my nerves, due to the inability to go a few hours without emailing me about something they could totally find themselves. I got the whole course loaded–all six weeks are set up on Canvas. And this week I start figuring out my two UCD courses that start just as the SCC one ends.

The Sacramento French Film Festival was this week, so I watched nine films and all the shorts. I also managed to finish the latest season of American Gods and Nghi Vo’s The Chosen and the Beautiful. My brain wants to write nine papers about the former, and I’m glad the latter is part of The Bloggess’s book club, because I need to talk about it. It is beautifully written, but there’s one bold choice that I just don’t get/appreciate. Without giving anything away, I’ll just say that a metaphor becomes literalized in a jarring way that doesn’t really add anything (for me).

I discovered this recipe for skillet enchiladas, and I will never roll enchiladas up and stick them into a hot oven again.

I was part of the judging for Prized Writing (and had another student win), got to celebrate the end of the year with my union, and had a productive end-of-year meeting with the Stand Up Club.

My body has not been helpful at all this week, but I’m back up to 45 minutes on my walk.

I also created a Bumble profile. I’m not really doing anything with it yet. I realize that as things open up, I’ll want to have someone to go to events with–and while I have lots of friends for that, it might be nice to have sex after an event every once in a while.

I’m still hesitant, though, about dating again. It’s often such a demoralizing hassle. And I don’t think I’m looking for anything long-term right now.

“What wonders the compost bin is revealing, and who put in that avocado pit?”

That sounds like something I would do
I flash back to our full paper bag
That ends up behind our apartment complex
(And then? Who knows.)

Atwood has been gardening again
Planting and pruning
Knowing the helpful from the hurtful
Creating a balance I don’t understand

The generations before me,
Three of which I lived with,
Had farms
Or at least gardens

But they let me read
And kept me out of the chicken coop
My brain grew well red
My thumb grew black

My foremothers didn’t read dystopias
And my grandmother “retired” when her husband did
So I can cook, but not can
Sew, but not quilt

I’m not prepared for the zombies

Or even, as Atwood tweet-warns,
For the solar flare
Or an EMP attack

In my fantasy,
I find Atwood,
Who is prepared

In her books,
I’ve learned about replenishing ararats
And purslane
And what to do when it happens

I won’t be much help to her,
In terms of knowledge,
But I like to believe
That I would follow her directions

(Fantasy me is less bossy)
Not wasting her time
(Except in those moments
When she wanted me to)

I imagine us safe
-Ish
An evening lit by candles we made
After a cobbler that didn’t disappoint her

I would have had trouble
With the wood fire stove
But I’ve always known how to milk goats
And any fool can pick blueberries
(I even know to wear gloves
And watch for snakes.)

I manage to say something
She thinks is smart
And she laughs
And tells me to call her Peggy

And we no longer have leftovers
So I don’t have to worry
About the compost rules

This last week kind of exploded on me. I got a last-minute assignment to teach an intro to lit class that starts next week. I’ve taught the class before, but not online, and not just in 8 weeks.

But I think I worked out how to do it, and I’ve just finished the Canvas shell, so now I can think about what else I did this week.

The Best:

Ellen Forney gave a talk to my writing students, which was wonderful in all sorts of ways, but possibly the best was when she admitted that she was apprehensive about how to do Marbles after she’d decided to try. My students often think good writing just happens, when it’s extremely difficult. Being reminded that even great writers struggle was important for them.

I had cleaners come in and give my house a much-needed reset. Between my ridiculous dust allergies and my awful back, I just can’t do the deep work. My house never stays clean for long, but having it somewhat cleaner helped me focus while my mind was spinning with the lit class.

I decided that because I get SO excited when it’s time for a new issue of Science Fiction and Fantasy, that I would treat myself to a subscription to Asmimov too!

I also started The Girl Who Could Move Shit With Her Mind, by Jackson Ford, which kept me up way too late last night. Can’t wait to finish it later!

Finally, the boy and I binged the last few episodes of The Watch, which we adored.

The Worst:

My body is unhappy, which isn’t unusual, but I was rocked by neck and shoulder spasms so badly the other night that it made me nauseated.

I don’t like the way I talk to myself. As I’m in the throes of an amazing story in SFF, a negative voice is berating me for having so many unread important news articles, biographies, and texts for classes. It tells me I’m fat. It makes me feel guilty for hiring cleaners two or three times a year, berating me for laziness, though I can objectively say I’m not lazy.

The Meh:

Coming 2 America was fine–mostly a nice nostalgia piece.

I was going to get my second Covid shot next week, but due to my allergy shots and some bullshit about my allergy office being closed over Spring Break, I had to push it back a week.

My pain clinic wants to put cortisone into my lumbar facets, but those can’t be done until awhile after my vaccinations, and my bursitis treatment has to wait until a couple of months after the lumbar treatment.

Ultimately:

I’m reflecting on this year. One year ago today, I flew back from a conference in New Orleans, to a changed world. It was the last week in the quarter–we were given the choice to move that week online. We cancelled Book Group. I haven’t eaten in a restaurant or hugged my California family in a year.

This week, Ellen Forney said to me, about our getting on well in a Zoom meeting, that she thought we would, after she googled me.

Ellen Forney, the amazing author of Marbles, googled me.

Getting to have a conversation with her was one of the best things that happened to me this year.

I haven’t been good about blogging lately. Like everyone, I’m tired and torn in a bunch of different directions.

But I still want to talk to you, so I’m going to start a weekly (hopefully) best and worst list, inspired by The Bloggess’s Weekly Wrap-Up, which will likely be about the media that’s kept me sane.

The Best I’ve Watched Lately:

• The Watch
• Wanda Vision
• Resident Alien
• Ramy (especially the Ne Me Quitte Pas episode, which can be watched on its own)
• the Calvin episode of Flack, which can also be watched on its own
• Nomadland, which finally helped me visualize Wall Drug

The Best Podcast Episodes

• All of the Parts of the “DC Sniper” debunkings on You’re Wrong About–I didn’t know what this story was about at all–I don’t think any of us did.

Best New Bands/Artists I’ve Stumbled Across:

• Danielle Durack
• Tele Novella

Best Books lately:

• The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern
• A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Mass
• Mira Grant’s Parasite Trilogy
• The Witch’s Heart by Genevieve Gornichec

Best moments of the week:

• Geeking out with Ellen Forney
• Hosting the Invisible Disabilities Show for UCD
• Learning a student got the internship she wanted
• Getting my first dose of the vaccine
• Talking about mon chatte in a new stand-up routine with my students

The worst moments:

• Trying to combine a paprika lemon chicken and a garlic lemon chicken recipe–why did it turn gross?
• Learning that Paul, the best doctor I’ve ever had, is retiring.

When I was younger, I thought it was silly for PhDs to call themselves doctors.

At the time, I didn’t understand how academia works. I thought all my teachers were “professors” and that they all had PhDs. Thus, I thought academic PhDs should just call themselves professors.

I’m pretty sure I called everyone “professor” when I was an undergrad, except for people who went by their first names.

But when I was the instructor, in grad school, I blanched at the “Professor.” I encouraged the students to use “Karma.” One student couldn’t handle that. He called me “teach.” One class kept pushing. Could they call me “Dr.”? No. When I explained that I would soon have my Masters, they latched onto that word. They said “Master Karma” with upturned lips, thinking they were being naughty somehow.

When I got my Masters and started teaching community college, about 20 years ago, “Professor” became true, but students didn’t like it. I kept crossing out “Mrs.” in the “Mrs. Waltonen” they addressed their essays to.

Just two years ago, after making the correction on multiple essays, I wrote that phrase on the board. “Okay, who knows why this isn’t my name?”

“But it IS your name,” one stubborn student insisted.

“Because I’m married to Mr. Waltonen?”

“YES!”

“Except I’m not. I’m not married; I’m divorced. And there is no Mr. Waltonen I’m divorced from. If you insist on thinking of me in terms of marital status, then I’m a Ms. But it’s rude. The etiquette rule is to use someone’s highest title. I get to be in this room teaching you because I’m a Dr. and an adjunct Professor.”

Things are more complicated at UCD. I’m not a Professor there, since that word is reserved for tenure-track research faculty.

When I changed from being grad school teacher Karma to Lecturer Karma, I decided “Dr. Karma” was the way to go, especially since I didn’t want to hear my last name mispronounced all day.

I don’t correct students who call me Professor, usually. It’s strange, though, that a generation of students who can give an hour-long lecture on why we need to call people what they prefer to be called, to honor their identity, ignores the part of my syllabus that says, “Dr. Karma or Dr. Waltonen are appropriate ways to address me.”

The more I get involved in fighting for my rights as a lecturer, the more I insist on the proper address from UCD. In union negotiations, UC people regularly claim (lie) that lecturers don’t mentor students or produce research. Thus, when the university features my work, I make sure the word “professor” isn’t there and that “lecturer” and “Dr.” are.

I’ve met people who look askance at my title (they’re often M.D.s). They don’t usually know that “Doctor” comes from an old word for “Teacher” or that M.D.s stole the word from us when they finally professionalized, when they wanted equal respect to PhDs. They definitely don’t know about the complicated politics in the UC system.

When I tell them that I’m not a “professor,” and ask what my students should call me, they relent. They know it would be an insult to pretend I don’t have any advance degrees.

(Also, “Dr. Karma” is just too fucking cool to give up.)