Last week definitely had more ups than downs. This week, not so much.
The bad:
Both the boy and I had to deal with medical b.s. Mine included driving all the way to Sacramento with a migraine, to see my TMJ specialist, only to be told that my appointment had completely disappeared from their system.
I’m also prepping for some facet injections in my back. The pain clinic and I are sort of at a stand-still. I don’t respond well enough to the treatments we’re trying, and they’re also a little dangerous (since I’m so young, I shouldn’t have frequent disc injections). They want to burn the nerves in my lumbar spine, but I’m unconvinced, both because nerve pain isn’t the only thing going on and because I’ve had a nerve burn done in my neck, and it backfired. Instead of my brain saying, “we’re not getting pain signals from her neck anymore, so let’s not make her feel pain,” my brain said, “holy fucking shit! They BURNED HER NERVES! Let’s send the regular pain signals and the pain one should feel after being burned!”
The facet injections are a compromise, basically. They’re hoping to show me, through it, that a nerve burn would work there.
Anubis decided that two family members having health problems wasn’t enough, so his urethra got blocked. Now we’re monitoring his pee, and Dante has to help him keep is clean (Anubis’s surgery to widen his urethra has helped, but not quite enough.)
We didn’t get to really celebrate St. Urho’s Day, due to the chaos.
In other news, I took a break from celebrating getting out of medical and consumer debt to check on how those student loans were coming.
Borrowed: 133,733
Paid back so far: 88,744
With interest, what I owed Tuesday: $154,213
My laptop’s keyboard is starting to have sticky keys. Apparently, it’s a known issue, and they should fix it for free, but the fixers say I have to be prepared to be without it for a couple of weeks. My desktop can’t yet do Zoom, so I’ve had to order a web cam with mic before I can get the laptop into the shop.
The meh:
My 300th college course began this week! It’s an intro to lit class at SCC; unfortunately, it’s an 8 week class. And while I got rid of a few units (postmodernism, the Southern Gothic, and fairy tales), it’s still a challenge to do a semester course in half a semester.
5 of the 26 enrolled students didn’t respond to emails or log on to Canvas the first week. Half of the rest are already failing because they haven’t turned in the homework. I’ve reached out to everyone, and most are telling me they just didn’t think the course would be time consuming. When I explain that they would have physically been in a room with me for 6 hours and 40 minutes each week if we were in person, and that they should therefore be prepared to do at least that much (which is much less than the Carnegie expectation of 20 hours/week for this class), they are shocked.
I’m not shocked that they’re shocked, but I’m disheartened.
Many of my students are working full time and also taking a full load of courses, which an 8-week course isn’t compatible with.
Half of the students hated “Hills Like White Elephants,” and I had fun reading their interpretations of what the “operation” was. The most creative was that the American wanted Jig to join a prostitution ring. I also included “Bullet Points” by Jericho Brown in this first week, to show them that poetry isn’t just dead white guys writing about daffodils. Most of the students loved it; the one who wants to be a cop found it offensive.
Next week, we do plays: Frankie and Johnny in the Claire de Lune and Mr Burns: A Post-Electric Play. It’s my first time teaching the latter; I’m cautiously optimistic. Am I having them watch the “Cape Feare” episode of The Simpsons first? Of course!
I finished my four Winter courses, and I got the syllabi and Canvas pages up for my three Davis Spring courses, which was quite a feat. There were a couple of days, including yesterday, when my brain broke.
The good:
I got to see the Sklar Brothers and Grep Proops perform virtual shows.
Spring came.
I took The New Yorker‘s recommendation to watch The Bureau, which is excellent.
I had many students thank me for my work last quarter. A few of them realizing how much time I spend writing to them and talking to them is the only thing that makes it worth it. One student wrote this:
“I have never had another teacher like you before. You terrified me for all of the right reasons. I kept feeling called out in the beginning. I used to write papers for the grader instead of the purpose because of their biased writing styles. In fact, I used to do everything to please other people because I thought that is how life works. I know now how incorrect that way of living is. Maybe this wasn’t your intention, but I understand how I want to live my life from now on. You taught the class with humor, honesty, and empathy: three characteristics I strive to perfect one day. There was never any bullshit, and for that, I am so thankful. You taught the class not only how to become better writers, but also how to be better people.”
I’m pretty sure “[terrifying] for all of the right reasons” should be on my tombstone.
I didn’t get this update out yesterday, because of a migraine. Since migraines are awful, let’s start with the bad:
Migraine, surrounded by crazy tension headache days, including today.
The hail on Wednesday scared poor Snowball.
Fighting constipation for the third month in a row. 🙁
The Meh:
I started seeing a new acupuncturist, which is good, but I had weird hip spasms later, which is bad, but may be unrelated. The guy’s name is John Frink. Pretty sure I’m going to call him “professor” on accident at some point.
I put a great seasoning on some lamb, but the cut wasn’t great. Nice seasoning on some pork chops a different night, but needed to take them out two minutes earlier (both in the air fryer).
I put the hammock back up, although it’s still a little too cold for it.
I had to say goodbye to my courses, which is always bittersweet. There are usually one or two students whom I’m glad I don’t have to deal with anymore, but there are often more students whom I’ll genuinely miss.
The Good:
My college roommate’s audio play was available for a listen!
Another former student got into the grad program of her choice.
Gilbert Gottfried made me laugh way too hard while doing an impression of Bob Dylan as Elmur Fudd, having chased Bugs Bunny off a cliff.
I was able to see the Cesar nominated shorts via the Sacramento French Film Festival.
I made a good Green Curry with chicken.
I attended a pre-conference focused on Atwood.
I got five new-to-me books for $10 at the friends of the library sale.
I’ve decided to stop having one side of the bed be where the books accumulate. After decades of sleeping on the side of a queen mattress, I’ve moved to the middle. The cats like having more space on both sides of me.
It’s the end of the quarter, and many students have thanked me–for designing the course so that they couldn’t do the work without doing the readings. They told me they skip the readings in their other courses, and were at first upset that they couldn’t do that in mine, but now realize that they did learn a lot from the readings, the exercises that accompanied them, and my copious comments.
My union was able to force the UC system into providing us with Covid protections!
As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I finally got out of medical and consumer debt (I’ve been paying $1028 a month to do so, for many, many years)!!!
And just this morning, I got a beautiful painting, from a wonderful friend.
This last week kind of exploded on me. I got a last-minute assignment to teach an intro to lit class that starts next week. I’ve taught the class before, but not online, and not just in 8 weeks.
But I think I worked out how to do it, and I’ve just finished the Canvas shell, so now I can think about what else I did this week.
The Best:
Ellen Forney gave a talk to my writing students, which was wonderful in all sorts of ways, but possibly the best was when she admitted that she was apprehensive about how to do Marbles after she’d decided to try. My students often think good writing just happens, when it’s extremely difficult. Being reminded that even great writers struggle was important for them.
I had cleaners come in and give my house a much-needed reset. Between my ridiculous dust allergies and my awful back, I just can’t do the deep work. My house never stays clean for long, but having it somewhat cleaner helped me focus while my mind was spinning with the lit class.
I decided that because I get SO excited when it’s time for a new issue of Science Fiction and Fantasy, that I would treat myself to a subscription to Asmimov too!
I also started The Girl Who Could Move Shit With Her Mind, by Jackson Ford, which kept me up way too late last night. Can’t wait to finish it later!
Finally, the boy and I binged the last few episodes of The Watch, which we adored.
The Worst:
My body is unhappy, which isn’t unusual, but I was rocked by neck and shoulder spasms so badly the other night that it made me nauseated.
I don’t like the way I talk to myself. As I’m in the throes of an amazing story in SFF, a negative voice is berating me for having so many unread important news articles, biographies, and texts for classes. It tells me I’m fat. It makes me feel guilty for hiring cleaners two or three times a year, berating me for laziness, though I can objectively say I’m not lazy.
The Meh:
Coming 2 America was fine–mostly a nice nostalgia piece.
I was going to get my second Covid shot next week, but due to my allergy shots and some bullshit about my allergy office being closed over Spring Break, I had to push it back a week.
My pain clinic wants to put cortisone into my lumbar facets, but those can’t be done until awhile after my vaccinations, and my bursitis treatment has to wait until a couple of months after the lumbar treatment.
Ultimately:
I’m reflecting on this year. One year ago today, I flew back from a conference in New Orleans, to a changed world. It was the last week in the quarter–we were given the choice to move that week online. We cancelled Book Group. I haven’t eaten in a restaurant or hugged my California family in a year.
This week, Ellen Forney said to me, about our getting on well in a Zoom meeting, that she thought we would, after she googled me.
Ellen Forney, the amazing author of Marbles, googled me.
Getting to have a conversation with her was one of the best things that happened to me this year.
I haven’t been good about blogging lately. Like everyone, I’m tired and torn in a bunch of different directions.
But I still want to talk to you, so I’m going to start a weekly (hopefully) best and worst list, inspired by The Bloggess’s Weekly Wrap-Up, which will likely be about the media that’s kept me sane.
The Best I’ve Watched Lately:
The Watch
Wanda Vision
Resident Alien
Ramy (especially the Ne Me Quitte Pas episode, which can be watched on its own)
the Calvin episode of Flack, which can also be watched on its own
Nomadland, which finally helped me visualize Wall Drug
The Best Podcast Episodes
All of the Parts of the “DC Sniper” debunkings on You’re Wrong About–I didn’t know what this story was about at all–I don’t think any of us did.
Best New Bands/Artists I’ve Stumbled Across:
Danielle Durack
Tele Novella
Best Books lately:
The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern
A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Mass
Mira Grant’s Parasite Trilogy
The Witch’s Heart by Genevieve Gornichec
Best moments of the week:
Geeking out with Ellen Forney
Hosting the Invisible Disabilities Show for UCD
Learning a student got the internship she wanted
Getting my first dose of the vaccine
Talking about mon chatte in a new stand-up routine with my students
The worst moments:
Trying to combine a paprika lemon chicken and a garlic lemon chicken recipe–why did it turn gross?
Learning that Paul, the best doctor I’ve ever had, is retiring.
For the last ten years, I’ve made a Stalkers mix for my beloved friends for Valentine’s Day.
This year, I had over 20 hours of potential songs. And since we’ve just barely survived 2020 and the start of 2021, I decided this year needed two CDs.
Most of the songs I’ve chosen this last decade are available on Spotify, which means you can all listen to them here.
And now, it’s time to take down my Valentine’s tree.
2020 started badly, and it didn’t get better. I was desperately ill at the beginning of the year, from an illness I got in Greece right before Christmas. It kept giving me pink eye, and I couldn’t hear out of my left ear for over a month. Doing the dishes exhausted me. I missed Christmas and New Years.
Christmas Eve 2019
I was too ill to travel to MLA and still sick when classes began.
I was so happy in early March, to be healthy enough to travel again. Looking back at my conference in New Orleans, less than a week before UCD locked down, I’m horrified. Courtney was supposed to come, but her university was smart enough not to let her. I wandered around the French quarter, visiting my old haunts, establishing new ones, thinking only of my twisted ankle, not knowing that so many people I saw there would get a virus none of us were prepared for, only days later.
Ignorance is Bliss in New Orleans
(Maybe if our President had been honest with us, as he was with Bob Woodward . . .)
Once we all knew what was happening, despite half the country’s insistence it wasn’t, I was anxious, and I couldn’t sleep. The only thing that helped the first wave of anxiety was making a document for my son about what to do if I got it and preparing a go-bag for hospital.
The document is still on my desktop.
The go-bag is still packed.
And then we were forced online.
And then there were fires. And I packed other bags, in case we needed to evacuate.
By summer, I was certified to teach online and balancing the first summer session okay–I was reading in the afternoons on my hammock, doing my yoga, and taking a long walk every day. I was doing miraculous things with my CSA box.
1st CSA box
Then, right before my birthday and before summer session 2 started, my back went out. And my two summer session classes bled into my six fall courses, and my back was still bad.
And the boy started grad school.
And then I had a couple of months in which I bled so badly, for so long, that I lost even more energy.
And I couldn’t even walk around the block. And I was barely able to get the work done, though I did.
I did.
And all the while, Trump and the Republicans were lying about Covid. And those of us who were trying to stay safe were mocked.
I’m now on the edge of a new school term, after a shorter break than usual. MLA is in a few days. I have to do the Atwood journal. Four classes, none of which I’ve taught online before, start in a few days.
It’s time for a messy “by the numbers.” Asterisks denote what I particularly loved.
Podcasts I appeared on: 4
Weeks in a two month period in which I bled, usually heavily: 6.
Days in 2020 that my 2019 tree was up: 33
New (to me) shows binged: 48: Flowers; Dracula; Watchmen*; The Mandalorian; Miracle Workers; Avenue 5*; Seven Worlds, One Planet; Picard; The Good Fight; Evil; Veep; The Miniaturist; Run*; The Great; Self Made; The Kominsky Method; Upload*; Space Force; Unorthodox; Vida; Breeders; Brockmire; I’ll Be Gone in the Dark; Planet Earth; Devs; Perry Mason*; Modern Love; Hang Ups; Psych; The Wire*; Warrior Nun; I May Destroy You*; Lovecraft Country*; Ghost Bride; Another Life; Big Little Lies; Breeders; Away; Muppets Now**; The Undoing; Stath Lets Flats*; The Duchess; The Expanse*; Delicious; Woke*; Ramy; Supernatural; Star Trek: Lower Decks*
new shows I tried but gave up on: tons
shows I had to stop watching after season 3 for my mental health because I hated the middle daughter so much: 1 (Better Things)
Old shows I kept up with: 22*: Schitt’s Creek, Outlander, Seth Meyers (the first part), Bob’s Burgers, The Simpsons, Grace and Frankie, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Shrill, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver; Star Trek Discovery; Samantha Bee; Killing Eve; What We Do in the Shadows; Last Kingdom; After Life; Dead to Me; SNL; At Home with Amy Sedaris; The Umbrella Academy; The Crown; His Dark Materials; Brooklyn 99; Fargo; Better Call Saul
Old shows I binged again: 13*: Doctor Who; Monty Python’s Flying Circus; Sherlock; Call the Midwife; Barry; Baskets; Downton Abbey; Good Omens; The Good Place (twice); Counterpart; One Mississippi; Stranger Things; Arrested Development
Podcasts: Wait Wait*; Invisibilia; Up First; Fresh Air; Birbiglia’s Working It Out*; RadioLab; Serial; This American Life*; Nice White People; Short Wave; The Devil’s Violin*; You’re Wrong About*; Morning Edition; Hidden Brain; NPR’s New Music Fridays on Spotify; All Things Considered
Mix tapes made for my friends: 3
New favorite band: Tele Novella
Letters of rec written: 25
Movies out (before the dark times): 7: Little Women; Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker, Parasite; Knives Out*; Oscar Animated Shorts; 1917;Birds of Prey
watched filmed comedy specials by: Whitney Cummings; David Cross; Leslie Jones; Daniel Sloss; Michael Ian Black; Amanda Seales; Patton Oswalt; Jim Gaffigan; Kevin Hart; Wanda Sykes
Favorite new Christmas special: Lego Star Wars
Movies I watched at home: Not as many as you’d think, but still too many to remember. Best: Enola Holmes
Surprising crushes I nursed while watching too much TCM: 2
William Powell, whose crazy powerful charm more than makes up for having a mustache.
Jane Russell, who makes me question my heterosexuality almost as much as Salma Hayek.
Russell in how 2020 should have goneRussell in how the year went
Plays Out (before the dark times): 8: Sarah Nurse of Salem; Alabaster; Dear Evan Hansen; The Play That Goes Wrong*; Peter and the Star Catcher; The Piano Lesson; Cyrano; Fleabag*.
Plays streaming, including “live” plays done in innovative Zoom ways: 13: One Man, Two Guvnors; School Girls; Jane Eyre*; Ann; Gloria; How it Happened; Become the Flowers; The Great Leap; Russian Troll Farm; Uncle Vanya; Barbecue; Time Stands Still; Heroes of the Fourth Turning
Books: 72, including rereads: American War by Omar El Akkad*; The Truth by Michael Palin; Lady Oracle by Atwood; The Color Purple by Alice Walker; Smoke Gets In Your Eyes* & From Here to Eternity* by Caitlin Doughty; Step Aside, Pops by Kate Beaton*; We Ride Upon Sticks by Quan Barry; American Sherlock by Kate Winkler Dawson; Wow, No Thank You by Samantha Irby*; The House of Broken Angels by Luis Alberto Urrea; Tamsin by Peter S. Beagle; Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas; Horrorstor by Grady Hendrix; There’s Nothing in This Book I Meant to Say by Paula Poundstone; The Accidental Further Adventures of the Hundred-Year-Old Man by Jonas Jonasoon; They Did Bad Things by Lauren A Forry; Little Bee by Chris Cleave; 1491 by Charles C. Mann; Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia; This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone*; Holy Sister by Mark Lawrence; Born a Crime by Trevor Noah*; The Girl at the Baggage Claim by Gish Jen; Crossings by Alex Landragin; The Rook by Daniel O’Malley*; When They Call You a Terrorist by Patrisse Khan-Cullors & Asha Bandele*; The Bone Shard Daughter by Andrea Stewart; A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik*; So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo; How to Be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X Kendi*; The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead*; Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs by Caitlin Doughty*; Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh*; The Night Circus by Eric Morgenstern*; MaddAddam by Margaret Atwood*; The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood*; Southern Book Club’s Guide to Vampire Slaying by Grady Hendrix; The Thirty Names of Night by Zeyn Joukhadar; The Plastic Magician by Charlie N. Holmberg*; Terra Incognita by Connie Willis; Truth and Beauty by Anne Patchett; Spellbreaker by Charlie N. Holmberg*; Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller**; the first 5 Jane Yellowrock novels by Faith Hunter; Doomsday Book by Connie Willis*; Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel*; Meat Cute by Gail Carriger; The Glass Hotel byEmily St. John Mandel; In an Absent Dream by Seanan McGuire*; The Consuming Fire by John Scalzi*; Network Effect by Martha Wells*; The Last Emperox by John Scalzi*; To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis; Come Tumbling Down by Seanan McGuire*; Caleb’s Crossing by Geraldine Brooks; A Tale of Time City by Diana Wynne Jones; The Sinister Mystery of the Mesmerizing Girl by Theodora Goss; The Inheritance Trilogy, The Killing Moon, The Broken Earth Trilogy by N.K. Jemisin; Parasite by Mira Grant*; Early Writings by Margaret Atwood, a new collection; Dark Archives by Megan Rosenbloom
I love this book SO much!
Times I discovered that the UCD library only had 1 Jemisin book, so I asked Roberto to fix it and then all of her books appeared for me (you’re welcome, UCD): 1
Other readings, including my comics, my New Yorkers, my Discovers, my Science Fiction and Fantasy Magazines, etc: who knows? A LOT.
Times Margaret Atwood had a problem and I got Roberto to solve it: 1
Books that got a fair shot: 39
Negative thoughts about my body shape/size: countless
New Favorite Recipes: 17: Quesadillas that the boy makes; Greek Chicken Skewers; Honey Curry Chicken; Ranch Pork Chops; Honey Garlic Pork Chops; Katsu; Chinese-spiced Ribs; Bolognese; Oven Fried Chicken; Butter Chicken; Tim’s Zucchini Bread; My new marinara sauce; Curried Chicken and Zucchini; Roasted Chicken with Figs and Rosemary; Mexican Street Corn Chowder; Roasted Cauliflower Curry Stew; Chile Verde Stew
Summer CSAs that pushed my creativity: 1
Fall CSAs that I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle: 1
Imperfect Foods subscriptions to replace my CSA: 1
Uterine scrapings: 1
Servings of crawfish pie: 2
Classes taught: 16
Days of 2020 when we were working out of contract: 335
Ridiculous UC Bargaining Sessions I observed: 6
Oscar parties: 1
Times I made my own pastrami: 1
Pounds I put on: 5-7, depending on the day.
Campus roles given up: 1: Upper Division Composition Exam Director
Covid Tests: 2
Ultrasounds: 2
Endoscopies: 1
TMJ splints created: 1
Times I was disappointed when the doctor looking at my hyperflexibility didn’t ask me if I could clap with one hand: 1
Poison rings acquired: 1
Hammocks I didn’t get to spend enough time in: 1
Awards won by Amy, which I nominated her for: 1
Stand-up performed: 3
Museums: 4: Voodoo Museum; Pharmacy Museum*; WWII Museum; Backstreet Museum
Expensive surgeries for Anubis: 1
Live Comedy via Zoom etc: 20: Keith Lowell Jensen; Maria Bamford (x2); My students (x3); John Cleese; Grep Proops; Norm Macdonald; Todd Barry (x2); Myq (3); Ron Funches (x2); Judah Friedlander; Mike Birbiglia (x3).
Campus Book Project Events I led: 2
Talks to Graduate Students, in which I was apparently racist and classist, for saying they should proofread and be able to take questions: 1
Atwood Book Launches I participated in: 2
New pairs of glasses: 1
Grey streaks: 2
Shots into my spine: 2
Most times I heard, in one day, “wow, your arm won’t stop bleeding”: 2
Broken phones: 1
New Diagnoses: 1
Pages of the single-spaced PDF reappointment application for my job: 57
When I reached my insurance copay limit: June
When they stopped billing me: December 29th
Long phone calls I anticipate making in 2021 to get my money back: 6
December 2020 xmas trees I ended up with: 2
Times I ate out on a patio after the dark times started: 1
Times I went to TJ’s, Safeway, and Target in person after the dark times started (total): 7
Times I ate in a restaurant, went to a movie, had book group, etc. after the dark times started: 0
Days in relative isolation/lockdown: 296
Types of Christmas cookies made: 1
Dates: 0
Times I wished I were dating: 0
Times I wished I could have sex with someone in person: lots
But times I wished I lived with a guy or had a boyfriend: 0
Evenings at my favorite New Orleans bar: 3
Conferences attended in person: 2
Conferences attended virtually: 1
Conferences cancelled: 5
New kitchen toys: 1 (mini air fryer)
Packages that got stolen off my porch, that I know of: 1
Toddler nephews who like to carry a picture of me around the house: 1
Times my chiropractor saw me for the same neck problem: 8
Times he charged me: 1
Spiral hams gotten at the last minute (12/31): 1
Books published: 1
Life-long Republican Mothers who are now Democrats since they stopped watching Fox News: 1
Weeks I had “off” from teaching, but certainly not from prepping/grading: 3
Halloweens I didn’t celebrate: 1
Postcards and letters mailed: over 200
Times I know I didn’t actually do well keeping in touch with the people I love, due to work, illness, exhaustion, and my general aversion to phones: many
Times I was thankful that my friends stuck by me and with me, when old friends reached out unexpectedly, when I was able to make genuine connections to students old and new, and when I got to be thankful for all of you: many more.
Glimmers of hope after the last election: a few
Noisy, adorable, incredibly needed for my sanity and oxytocin kittens acquired: 1
Christmas trees are my favorite thing about Christmas. I like to get them early and leave them up until MLK day, if possible.
Last year, I was very ill at Christmas, so ill that the only affectation of Christmas was a lit tree, sans ornaments.
This year, I decided to forego picking out a tree in person, opting to buy one online. I made the purchase on the 4th, sad that the delivery date was set for the 10th.
And then I was even sadder, because the 10th came and went. UPS couldn’t track the tree; they’d never gotten it.
As the days went by, I lost hope. I called the company and asked if the tree was really coming. The woman’s response was a simple, “I think I should give you a refund.”
So I went to get my tree in person after all.
We didn’t put up fragile ornaments, because of Snowball.
That was a good decision, because she LOVES the tree. She loves running around it, biting it, jumping on it, deciding which ornaments shouldn’t be on it anymore, and working to bring them down.
Then, a few days before Christmas, when my original tree unexpectedly appeared, we put it on the small patio for her and decorated it with her ribbons and toys.
When I was younger, I thought it was silly for PhDs to call themselves doctors.
At the time, I didn’t understand how academia works. I thought all my teachers were “professors” and that they all had PhDs. Thus, I thought academic PhDs should just call themselves professors.
I’m pretty sure I called everyone “professor” when I was an undergrad, except for people who went by their first names.
But when I was the instructor, in grad school, I blanched at the “Professor.” I encouraged the students to use “Karma.” One student couldn’t handle that. He called me “teach.” One class kept pushing. Could they call me “Dr.”? No. When I explained that I would soon have my Masters, they latched onto that word. They said “Master Karma” with upturned lips, thinking they were being naughty somehow.
When I got my Masters and started teaching community college, about 20 years ago, “Professor” became true, but students didn’t like it. I kept crossing out “Mrs.” in the “Mrs. Waltonen” they addressed their essays to.
Just two years ago, after making the correction on multiple essays, I wrote that phrase on the board. “Okay, who knows why this isn’t my name?”
“But it IS your name,” one stubborn student insisted.
“Because I’m married to Mr. Waltonen?”
“YES!”
“Except I’m not. I’m not married; I’m divorced. And there is no Mr. Waltonen I’m divorced from. If you insist on thinking of me in terms of marital status, then I’m a Ms. But it’s rude. The etiquette rule is to use someone’s highest title. I get to be in this room teaching you because I’m a Dr. and an adjunct Professor.”
Things are more complicated at UCD. I’m not a Professor there, since that word is reserved for tenure-track research faculty.
When I changed from being grad school teacher Karma to Lecturer Karma, I decided “Dr. Karma” was the way to go, especially since I didn’t want to hear my last name mispronounced all day.
I don’t correct students who call me Professor, usually. It’s strange, though, that a generation of students who can give an hour-long lecture on why we need to call people what they prefer to be called, to honor their identity, ignores the part of my syllabus that says, “Dr. Karma or Dr. Waltonen are appropriate ways to address me.”
The more I get involved in fighting for my rights as a lecturer, the more I insist on the proper address from UCD. In union negotiations, UC people regularly claim (lie) that lecturers don’t mentor students or produce research. Thus, when the university features my work, I make sure the word “professor” isn’t there and that “lecturer” and “Dr.” are.
I’ve met people who look askance at my title (they’re often M.D.s). They don’t usually know that “Doctor” comes from an old word for “Teacher” or that M.D.s stole the word from us when they finally professionalized, when they wanted equal respect to PhDs. They definitely don’t know about the complicated politics in the UC system.
When I tell them that I’m not a “professor,” and ask what my students should call me, they relent. They know it would be an insult to pretend I don’t have any advance degrees.
(Also, “Dr. Karma” is just too fucking cool to give up.)
This morning, I awoke from a nightmare. My son and I and the cats were hiding in my childhood home in the woods. We couldn’t leave, couldn’t get away, because of the T-Rex hunting us.*
One of the ways I had tried to get us out was raising a T-Rex to defend us, but the larger one killed her.
The dream ended with us huddled in the bathroom (the only room without windows) as the T-Rex was breaking into the sun porch.
At least there were no assholes in the dream, telling me that T-Rexes are hoaxes, that we should let them kill the weak and slow, that Trump did a great job because he banned T-Rexes from one country, while ridiculing those citizens who set up T-Rex defenses . . .
*T-Rex was likely a scavenger, but it makes sense that a dream set in a childhood home would have my childhood beliefs about paleontology.
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