I’ve been mostly nose to the grindstone this week, which means I have the syllabus and first week ready for my two Summer Session 2 courses that start in a month and that I’m caught on the course running now.

Someone close to me got some wonderful news that’s had me smiling all week, but it’s not mine to share.

Friday night, though, sucked.

I’ve started talking to a few people on Bumble, and Saturday night, I was supposed to have my first first date in two years. I put got relatively gussied up and went to the bar. I got there a little early, so I texted him that I had a table in the back and settled in the back.

He never showed.

It was surprising, since he had texted a few times that day about how excited he was to meet me.

After waiting 45 minutes, I messaged, “not coming?” And then I headed home.

He blocked me instead of answering.

Was he just playing games? Did he chicken out?

Naturally, the negative voice in my head has a lot to say about this. She’s sure he came, he saw, and he decided I’m too fat to even be polite to over a drink.

For the record, she’s been saying I’m too fat for love for the last sixty pounds, and before that, she said I was too flat chested and single-mothery.

But I am overweight, and the fact that I’m getting healthier and losing weight doesn’t shut her up.

I wasn’t overly invested in this guy, but that doesn’t take away the sting.

I hate that the negative voice will be able to feed on this for the foreseeable future.

Luckily, I did get my first first date yesterday–a mini one, since it was last minute and I had other dinner plans–with a guy who doesn’t seem to be a player, a chicken, or an asshole.

In other news, my first two wraps are here, after Facebook told me to splurge.

Today, I’m exhausted, so I’m trying to rest up before tomorrow starts another long week, watching Ragnarok on Netflix.

First, the horrifying news: a former student was abducted and murdered in Russia. We were no longer in contact, but my mind conjured her the second I saw her name. She was an extraordinary young woman.

My 304th class began–and advanced writing course at SCC (asynchronous). A few students are already awesome, and a few are already getting on my nerves, due to the inability to go a few hours without emailing me about something they could totally find themselves. I got the whole course loaded–all six weeks are set up on Canvas. And this week I start figuring out my two UCD courses that start just as the SCC one ends.

The Sacramento French Film Festival was this week, so I watched nine films and all the shorts. I also managed to finish the latest season of American Gods and Nghi Vo’s The Chosen and the Beautiful. My brain wants to write nine papers about the former, and I’m glad the latter is part of The Bloggess’s book club, because I need to talk about it. It is beautifully written, but there’s one bold choice that I just don’t get/appreciate. Without giving anything away, I’ll just say that a metaphor becomes literalized in a jarring way that doesn’t really add anything (for me).

I discovered this recipe for skillet enchiladas, and I will never roll enchiladas up and stick them into a hot oven again.

I was part of the judging for Prized Writing (and had another student win), got to celebrate the end of the year with my union, and had a productive end-of-year meeting with the Stand Up Club.

My body has not been helpful at all this week, but I’m back up to 45 minutes on my walk.

I also created a Bumble profile. I’m not really doing anything with it yet. I realize that as things open up, I’ll want to have someone to go to events with–and while I have lots of friends for that, it might be nice to have sex after an event every once in a while.

I’m still hesitant, though, about dating again. It’s often such a demoralizing hassle. And I don’t think I’m looking for anything long-term right now.

My 304th class starts tomorrow. I tried to rest a bit this week, and I did pretty well. The you-must-be-productive-always voice in my head did pressure me to get some things done, like getting rid of some useless recipe books and filing some recipes I did want to keep, but plenty of things went uncleaned, unfiled, undone.

The Sacramento French Film Festival started, and most of it’s virtual, so I’ve already watched several of their films and shorts. I’ve also discovered Netflix’s great series Feel Good, finished Lupin, The Handmaid’s Tale, Kim’s Convenience, and The Kominsky Method, read a bunch of New Yorkers and sci-fi novels (the former on the hammock), watched Kevin Kline and Meryl Streep in Dear Elizabeth (a virtual staged reading), and decided that the music editor on Loki jumped the gun by using “Holding Out for Hero” in episode 2–it’s a boss-fight song, as we know from Shrek 2, so it needs to come later, when the first two lines will have a lot of significance in a confrontation that’s surely coming.

Dante and I also stumbled across a great pre-code comedy yesterday, Design for Living. A woman can’t choose between two suitors, so she lives with both of them, but they all keep violating their “gentlemen’s agreement” on “no sex.”

It’s been terribly hot (think 109), but I’ve managed to walk every day, even though it meant get up much earlier than I needed to on my week off.

I tried a few new recipes–one great curry, a nice asian sauteed spinach, and one so-so curry. I’ve got a new chicken recipe in the crock pot now. And this was also the week I had my first air-fried okra of the season.

Finally, I invited Facebook and Twitter to pressure me into buying a few wraps/kimonos. They obliged.

Happy Pride, Solstice, Juneteenth, and Father’s Day Weekend!

Here’s a picture of me, wanting to imitate my (Grand)Daddy and using Mr. Potato Head’s pipe to do so.

Finals week is done–the grades are in!

One of my summer courses starts next week, but I’ve got the first four weeks set up on Canvas, SO I AM NOT DOING ANY SCHOOL WORK THIS WEEK!

(Except for answering the inevitable, inescapable emails.)

The quarter was fine–every time I teach the International Relations class in Spring, I have a student not do the work but expect to pass, because they’ve already graduated in spirit. And I always have a few squeak by. But there was also a wonderful surprise. The student who thought she graduated years ago turned out to be fantastic. And she said she was surprised by how helpful, practical, and entertaining my class was, saying she wished she had taken it before she started her career. I’m really glad that she got stuck with me when she had to come back.

In other news this week, I was exposed to someone with Covid, but I didn’t get it because of this cool thing called “vaccines.”

Dante’s gums are still sore, so the cooking experiments continue.

I had to spend about $500 to fix a power steering fluid leak, and I did a home test for sleep apnea.

What’s been good this week? Loki (the writer was channelling Douglas Adams in the first episode), Hacks, Kim’s Convenience, and reading The Children of Blood and Bone.

I’ll end up writing about Hacks at some point . . . or at least presenting on it at PCA.

I’m exhausted. Looking back at this week, it’s not surprising. It’s the end of week 10, which means I’ve done a lot of grading and had some touching goodbyes with students I’ll miss.

I was also a scoring leader for the AWPE, which went well.

Everything was complicated by my back, which decided I wasn’t allowed to bend over for a couple of days. I’m happy with how my new stand-up came out, especially when I was hurting so much during the performance. My chiropractor was leaving town for a wedding the next day, but was willing to see me after the show, to make sure I didn’t have to wait until Monday to get fixed.

My students were all amazing; I’m so proud of them! You can watch the show here.

Dante ran AV, even though he was recovering from his surgery–I was expecting him to be able to handle more solid food by now, so my fridge is packed with stuff I have to eat by myself. Luckily, though, I always make too much of everything, so there’s plenty of brothy things. He has, though, made a list of what he’s craving, for when he can chew. Are we still watching The Simpsons all day long? Of course we are!

My union has overwhelmingly authorized its leadership to strike. We’re hoping this pushes the UC System to engage with our exceptionally reasonable demands (for example, we would like our junior lecturers to have the same job security adjuncts at California Community Colleges have). We don’t want to have to strike, but we also have gone over a year out of contract.

A wonderful friend, colleague, and mentor is retiring, and if I didn’t live so close to her, I’d be completely devastated.

There are also birthdays and virtual plays this week, and thanks to vaccines, I’ve been able to actually see and hug some of my dearest friends again.

I also had a bout of Spring Cleaning, so my living room got a deep clean and some minor redecoration. I’m absolutely awful at hanging pictures, and I have a shit ton of them, so my walls are decorative, but not stylish. I had someone hang some new movie star art–I thought my picture of Katharine Hepburn needed some friends, and to rehang some of the other pieces.

My crappy (but dreadfully expensive) Davis apartment will never look grown up, but at least my geeky things are displayed more artfully.

Finally, I have the happiest news! My doctor is still going to work a couple of days a week, so I don’t have to find a new GP! I’m ecstatic that Paul will still be leading the team.

I write this with The Simpsons on, as they’ve been for three days. When the boy or I are injured, this is what comforts us.

And the boy is injured. His wisdom teeth were taken out Friday morning. We had a few tough moments right after the surgery. He was nauseated and bleeding, and his body’s attempts to throw up meant a lot of blood went everywhere.

Things have settled down since, and we have a large stock of pudding, mashed potatoes, soups, and ice cream.

In other news, I’m proud of myself for diagnosing a weird car noise correctly, I watched (and loved) Ted Lasso, and I’m working as a scoring leader for this year’s AWPE.

I’ve also written a new stand-up routine, which I will premiere Tuesday night!

Last weekend, I finished grading my SCC lit class, which leaves me with just three courses for the next three weeks. And then I’ll get a whole week off before my summer courses start. (My goal, in addition to finishing my three courses successfully, is to prep my June course well enough that I can actually take that week off from work.)

The end of the SCC lit class could have gone better. One struggling student cheated on both her last paper and the final. Another, who needed an A+ on every remaining assignment to pass, skipped assignments, turned in a research paper without any research in it, and then turned in an incomplete final AFTER I’d turned in the grades.

(Did he tell me he needed another day? Of course not. That would entail communicating with me.)

My comedy students’ final is soon, so I need to write my routine, since I’m the MC.

A beloved colleague brought my attention to a temporary fix the DOE might have for people like me, who paid an incredible amount of money to the “wrong” plans. So I’m filing for that. Do they want ink signatures from UCD to prove I have worked there all this time? They do. Is the website confusing, because it says I’m not eligible since I, like everyone else, is in automatic Covid deferment, but then also have a paragraph about how I should ignore the giant warning on every singe page about that, since they’re the ones who deferred me? Yes.

I tried Jupiter Rising, but didn’t like it. Tried Invincible. Might like it. Tried Hacks with Jean Smart. Fucking loved it. Started Ted Lasso. Will binge more soon. Couldn’t quite get through Army of the Dead last night. Started and finished this season of Shrill, which is awesome. Watched Jason Alexander et al in The Sisters Rosensweig via Zoom and The ABCS of Love via the Sacramento French Film Festival.

I’m mourning Paul Mooney and Charles Grodin.

My upper division students are struggling, because I’m making them write a grown up argument (one in which the thesis is actually debatable (for reasonable people) and defendable, and one that works to inform and persuade its intended audience, and one that fully and fairly engages with counter-argument).

You’d be surprised how many draft theses are unconstitutional, EVEN AFTER I SAID IN THE VIDEO ABOUT THIS THAT THEY SHOULD NOT MAKE UNCONSTITUTIONAL ARGUMENTS.

I spent 9 straight hours giving feedback on drafts on Thursday. Then, I tried to join some high school friends for a Zoom reunion, but I felt so sick with exhaustion that I had to go lie down.

The most stressful thing this week, though, was another visit with my TMJ dentist.

I told his assistant that I wanted to talk about getting a lower night guard and/or a dental device for mild apnea (since the dentist is convinced my tongue is in the wrong place when I sleep). The dentist was dismissive of anyone who’s vouched for lower guards. (“Well, I guess your friends have made literally thousands of upper night guards like I have, right?”) But he agreed to let me have a lower one and “run [my] own little experiment.”

But, I said. If you think I need that apnea dental device, shouldn’t I get that and not use any type of guard?

We came to consensus on trying that first. I have to do a sleep study for insurance to approve it.

Then he brought up all the other things he wants to do: the frenectomy, sawing down some of the protruding bones in my mouth, braces, etc.

I said I’d like to go in stages since I have other doctors who want to do things to my body that are also extreme.

We left that conversation with him knowing nothing more about me, but with me knowing about all of his surgeries. Sigh.

He said to get the sleep study done and then we’d do a scan for the device.

When I was alone again with the assistant, who had been in the room the whole time, he tried to schedule me for a scan for a lower night guard.

“That’s not where we landed,” I explained. “We need to schedule a scan.”

“For braces?”

No.

Once I got him to realize we were trying for the apnea device, he wanted to get the device going right away.

“Don’t I have to get the sleep study first?”

“I don’t think so. They’ll want to study you with it in.”

“But the doctor said I needed the study before insurance would authorize the device.”

“Oh, yeah. That makes sense.”

He scheduled me for a scan next week, saying we can do the scan without authorization, but I don’t trust him, so I’m calling tomorrow to talk to someone who can parse conversations better.

Overall, though, it was a good week.

My son and I celebrated the end of his first year in grad school with a sushi feast.

A beloved friend got me an amazing gift:

And I am celebrating that, as of last night, it’s no longer been a year and seven months since I’ve had sex with another person.

Yay vaccines!

I was so wrapped up in the rest of last week’s wrap up that I forgot to mention one of the most exciting things. I dreamed about Dan Savage, of the Savage Love Podcast. I tweeted about it, and he mentioned read and responded to my tweet on the show!

This last week, I was busy with UCD starting up; I welcomed classes 301, 302, and 303!

Two bummers this week: I was searching for my documents on the internet (something I do every once in a while to protect my intellectual property). I discovered one of my students last quarter stole 11 documents and put them up on Course Hero.

Think “stole” is too harsh a word? Students uploading to Course Hero have to say THEY are the copyright holder of the work.

So yeah. Stole.

Their code of conduct explicitly forbids sharing our materials, and I make a huge deal about this in class, since I had a student put a draft I shared with them online, which later led to me being accused of plagiarizing my own work when I tried to submit my piece to a journal.

As I was searching, I got sucked into the black hole that is Rate My Professor, which I know I should never read. I’m going to blame my mild OCD on obsessing over this. All I’ve been able to do the past couple of days is to argue with the naysayers in my head (“WTF? All the other students said this course was organized gorgeously! I got unprompted compliments! And if you were having trouble, why didn’t you tell me so we could fix the problem instead of yelling to the universe that I need to be fired?!?”)

Are there good reviews too?

Yes.

Do I know more students like me than hate me?

Yes.

Objectively.

Do I try to fight the negative voices by remembering I won the teaching award?

I do.

Does it help when I’m trying to sleep?

It does not.

In other news, I have indefinitely postponed the back surgery I was going to do this week. I have had many procedures similar to this one, and I’ve never gotten a bad feeling, but intuition says no to this one.

I think it’s because I know they will use this procedure to try to talk me into a nerve burn, which I don’t want.

Thus, intuition is like, “hey, let’s NOT go the medical center for another “this will only rarely paralyze people” thing when it’s just going to lead to an argument you don’t want to have.”

My treadmill came last night. Predictably, the not-quite-English instructions may have had us oil the belt incorrectly. The instructions also don’t include anything about changing the incline or the height of the handlebars, so I’ll have to do some tinkering, but my thighs already hurt from overdoing it.

Or doing it wrong. Not sure.

This week, I also bought the new album by my new favorite band, Tele Novella, I got my oil changed, we survived a flat-tire-on-the-boy’s-car wrench in one of the days, I made my first lohikeitto (Finnish Salmon Soup) of the season, and I tried two new recipes: lemongrass chicken (in the air fryer) and spicy cajun shrimp.

I got my post-Easter ham this morning, which I start playing with tomorrow.

I got my second vaccine! I could tell it was going to fuck me up, because I got numb in my arm, neck, and face right after the injection. Luckily, I had planned taking the next day off, which ended up being my only day off in Spring Break.

It was perfect for bingeing The Bureau, my new addiction.

My son and I have also decided to rewatch this little show called The Simpsons. Since we only get through a few a week, it will take a few years.

I saw two stand-up comedy shows and caught this month’s Sacramento French Film Festival offering, The Fantastic Journey of Margot and Marguerite, which was, as hyped, fantastic.

I did my taxes, got everything ready for UCD classes to start tomorrow, pulled my hair out over two problematic students at SCC, and attended a webinar on equitable grading.

I tried two new recipes:

Tumeric Black Pepper Chicken with Asparagus

Pork Chops in a Lemon Caper Sauce

And I got another air fryer.

Yup. Another air fryer.

I got a small one to experiment with a few months ago, and I fell in love with it. Lately, I’ve been disappointed that when I want to cook meat, potatoes, and a veg, I have to choose just one for the air fryer. I’m also thinking ahead to summer, when I will want to cook without heating up the kitchen. The air fryers don’t add much heat to the kitchen, and food cooks really fast in them.

My first night with two air fryers, I put a layer of green beans down in the big one, topped with a grill layer of chicken breasts.

The smaller air fryer got the potatoes. In 20 minutes, I had this:

I also discovered that I don’t have to do a boil and slow roast of pork ribs for them to be tender. They take 20 minutes in the air fryer.

Finally, Graymalkin got a new box. He’s a very happy boy.