There’s a long history to this story. You can read the start of it here. I’ve included a shortened version below, though.*

Mohela, which was my original loan servicer, has taken over managing PSLF for the government. Since I (re)filed for TEPSLF in April, I have been waiting for the DOE to transfer my loans and the application to Mohela, which will go over my payment history and decide if my loans can be forgiven.

I messaged Mohela before I came to Dublin, because the deadline for the TEPSLF application is the end of this month. While I have applied, I am paranoid that the application won’t transfer correctly. I need the agencies to be clear that I am asking for my original Direct Loans, the ones I’ve been paying back since 2007, be considered for forgiveness.

Mohela said they would get back to me with a tally of where I was on the PSLF payment calendar.

Yesterday, I woke up to a message that I had only made 14 qualifying payments on my small parent plus loan. In other words, Mohela still doesn’t have the loan information from DOE about the direct loans and that application.

So I logged in to DOE.

And it only said I owed my small parent plus loan.

This is either excessively good news OR excessively bad news.

Let’s take the good news first:

It could mean that my PSLF application has been approved and my direct loans have been forgiven. Under Biden’s new, small forgiveness plan, my parent loan would also be forgiven. I would be free, after paying back almost 68% of my original loan amount.

Here’s why I don’t think this is good news:

Mohela, the agency handling PSLF, never received that information, so how could my loans be forgiven.

Since I have paid more than 10 years, technically, the DOE owes me money for what I’ve overpaid. They’re supposed to tell me if that happened, but I have not heard anything from them in months (the last communication was basically “we got your PSLF application”).

The confusing loan history on the DOE site says my direct loans were zeroed out due to “consolidation.” If that’s what they think happened, then we’ve gone back to where I was last summer, owing the “new” consolidation loan: I’m worried that they aren’t acknowledging the de-consolidation.

And that’s why this could be exceptionally bad news.

If I’m starting over with a big consolidated loan, I could end up paying a quarter of a million dollars on that original 132,000 loan. I will never be free.

I’m also worried because Biden’s new, small forgiveness program is about to go through when I have no idea what my direct loan status is. If it’s in some weird limbo, if the DOE can’t see it for some reason, then I would miss out on the $20,000 in forgiveness I’m eligible for. (I would get the 3,000 parent loan forgiven, but miss out on the remaining 17,000 that could be applied to my direct loans, which, while I small drop in a large bucket, is still something.)

Here’s what I’m afraid of:

A giant consolidated loan will reappear after the TEPSLF deadline passes and after the new Biden forgiveness passes. The fact that my loans were de-consolidated will be lost, and I’ll be screwed.

Even though the DOE has been making my stomach hurt for years, there is a small ray of hope: if DOE thinks my loans are consolidated again, then my small parent loan shouldn’t be a separate thing I can see . . .

*In short, I paid back almost $90,000 of a $132,000 loan. For the first ten years, I was on the “wrong” kind of plan to get Public Loan Service Forgiveness (PSLF). So I switched plans. And then, the government temporarily expanded (TE) PSLF, so that earlier payments could count.**

Last summer, now owing $154,000 due to interest (yup–you read that right: after paying back about 90,000, I owe MORE than when I started). The form and someone I spoke to at DOE said to consolidate my small parent loan with my direct loans. I did. Then, I discovered that doing so made my loan brand-new, meaning the government would not count any of the 15 years of payments. I was starting from zero on the PSLF clock.

There was crying and vomiting and not sleeping.

I finally got the loans de-consolidated, which is a miracle, since that apparently never happens. Then, for several months, the DOE listed me as owing double–the original loans AND the consolidated loan amount.

When that got fixed, in April, I re-filed for TEPSLF. I’m waiting for an answer.

**Under the Trump administration, fewer than 1% of PSLF applications were approved. Those who were denied were not told how the decisions were made.

The recent news about Biden’s plans have a lot of friends contacting me. They’re familiar enough with my saga to hope I will finally be free.

A lot of them are hoping this new TEPSLF thing will work, so they suggest I apply.

Y’all, that was the program I applied for last summer, the one that advised me to consolidate, which screwed everything up!

I did, however, get the loans de-consolidated, which was a miracle. How do I know? Because every servicer I talk to doesn’t even believe that it happened.

For many moons, the DOE information wasn’t updated properly, so it said I owed the de-consolidated amount and the consolidated amount: double, in other words.

When only the de-consolidated loans appeared again, I filed for TEPSLF again. (UCD has to fill out part of the information–in pen–and everything has to be mailed in.)

In the months since then, I have received a letter from DOE saying I “may” have loan payments that qualify.

Since the TEPSLF final application deadline is next month, I’ve recently emailed my servicer to see if the application is at least logged on their end.

Will it work? Who knows.

I AM eligible for the 20,000 dollars off, though the total I owe will still be higher than what I initially borrowed, despite always making my payments on time. The form for that money isn’t up yet.

I’ve heard that the Biden plan is supposed to stop what happened to me: that if a borrower is making payments, their total owed shouldn’t go up. I haven’t seen verification of this, but that alone would save many future borrowers from suffering the way so many of us have.

I’m starting to go a little bit insane. It’s occurring to me that I leave for Dublin in exactly four weeks–and I’ll be gone for almost twelve weeks!

There’s so much to do, including the last half of my fast-paced summer pre-med writing class & and WorldCon in Chicago (I’ll be there for a week).

I know, intellectually, that I will get enough done to make it to Dublin. I always manage to.

But that doesn’t mean my mind isn’t spinning. It wakes me up in the middle of the night to remind me that I have to get some paperwork from my allergy doc to try to get my xolair injections while I’m away–and that I don’t really have warm socks. And I don’t know how to buy warm socks, since I’m mildly allergic to wool and I honestly don’t know what other fabric is warm, since I live in California and, and, and, and . . .

I have also decided to shift from trying a couple of new recipes each week to making all the summer recipes I most love. And in between all that cooking, I want to see some of you, too.

At some point, I’ll finally write about the last of my Spain trip.

And I should also note that I’m really broken up about two very special women dying.

For now, send me wishes for endurance and a good night’s sleep.

When I was working out what I would do in Spain between my two conferences, I came upon a brief mention of Peñíscola in a guidebook. I did my k-12 education in Pensacola, FL. Most people believe the FL version is a misspelled version of the Spanish one (misspelled ’cause Florida), so I wanted to check in on my namesake. Would their high school mascot be the Tigers too?

It should have been fairly simple to get to Peñíscola–a regional train could move me between stations, and I was assured there would be plenty of cabs.

But my regional train was delayed–and then the train went slower than usual, so I ended up getting to the train station 5 hours later than I should have. A station agent called a cab for the group of us hanging out by the station, and then each cab driver who arrived said they would radio in for another one, until the group was whittled down to me.

The station is not scenic, unless you’re into graffiti, and it was by an industrial plant with a weird smell.

After 45 minutes, it was finally my turn. My cabdriver was distressed when he learned my hotel was on the castle hill. Cabs don’t go there at night, when all the tourists are out. I had to listen to him complain about having to drop me off outside of the castle walls to his boss. “No,” he said in Spanish, “I can’t talk to her; she’s English.”

I was super cranky when we finally got there; navigating the steep little walkways didn’t help.

But the staff at Hotel Joanna was excited when I finally arrived. They showed me to my adorable room, and I ventured to their restaurant for food and this view of the moon over the Mediterranean.

Things were definitely looking up in the morning. First, there was this breakfast for hotel guests:

Second, I had realized I didn’t pack properly for Spain. All of the other women were going around in either shorts or sun dresses. Even women my grandmother’s age were rocking hot sun dresses! Naturally, I thought about how my culture wants women of my age and curviness to cover up. But when in Spain . . .

In Zaragoza, right before I left, I picked up a sun dress in a boutique by my hotel.

It wasn’t my usual style. The question I asked myself while shopping was “which one would my new boyfriend want me to wear.”

I put it on for my one full day in Peñíscola.

It was very hot, so I sweated all through my clothes, but I did manage to go to the Museum of the Sea and the Castle.

The Castle was built, centuries ago, by Templars, on the ruins of a Moorish temple they destroyed. After hiking up through the castle and not falling over, even though I and this sign were worried about it, I thought about going to the garden, but I just didn’t have it in me to make it down there. Both the castle and the garden have been featured in Game of Thrones.

I took a nap and graded my students’ work. Then I headed back out for souvenirs and a walk down to the Mediterranean, to finally get my feet in.

I had yummy fish for dinner, house-made strawberry and lemon ice cream, and a serving of a rice-based digestive.

Although I looked all over, Peñíscola just doesn’t have postcards. I guess they’re tired of the jokes?

The next morning, I had my last breakfast there, read the warnings about the extreme heat wave (they said trains might not work, since the tracks could warp, in addition to the regular awful things that heat does) and then left for Valencia.

I got to the train station early, only to discover that the station was arranged weirdly. In most stations, platform 1 is right beside the terminal. Here, the signs all said that Platform 2 was–and then you got 1 and 3.

I asked the station agent if indeed the layout made no sense. He confirmed the weirdness, and I spent my remaining time there explaining, in Spanish, to Spaniards, how the station worked. It was standing-room only on the train for a few hours, but at last I arrived in Valencia, which I’ll write about next.

I got my final grades in today for Spring 2022–it’s the end of my 23rd year of teaching.

My 24th year begins on 6/20, starting with class 316. Over the next week, I need to finish putting the course page together.

And I’m starting to panic: in addition to teaching both summer sessions, I have to get ready to leave the country twice. I leave for Spain in three weeks: I have two conferences back to back there.

And it’s official: I’m going to Dublin at the end of September.

I need my brain to shut up about it all, though, so I can sleep. It’s especially worried right now about how to pack for over two weeks in Spain (while working) and almost three months in Dublin. It keeps reminding me that I’m not supposed to carry anything heavy.

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve introduced the senior comedy show, been to Jacob’s goodbye show, and hosted the extraordinary stand-up class final performance.

I got all dressed up for the senior comedy show: the theme was black tie, and I didn’t have an appropriate outfit, so I had to get a new one. I pulled some black heels out of the very top of the closet. The bottom of both came off before I made it out on stage.

Saying goodbye to my graduating comedy students is breaking my heart.

Last weekend, I saw three plays: a workshop of a new musical about Houdini, Henry V via National Theatre Live, and The Lifespan of a Fact at CapStage. I was especially interested in the latter, since I’ve met its subject, John D’Agata. His aversion to fact checking (and the play about it) is mentioned in Melissa and my sources textbook. One of the authors of the play and I got to chatting on social media after I posted about it.

I’ve recently started dating again. In fact, I was a very sweet guy’s first date from the internet ever. He seemed genuinely surprised when I told him how common it was to find someone there. I had an awful second date with someone too.

Dating is always anxiety producing, and I think of Margaret Atwood’s quote in Cat’s Eye: “I’d been reading modern French novels and William Faulkner as well. I knew what love was supposed to be: obsession, with undertones of nausea.”

The boy and I saw Bob’s Burgers: The Movie, which was great.

My colleagues and I got together at the park–someone missing how I used to spoil them at the grading sessions I ran asked me to make something, so I treated them all to rum cake.

My son’s new girlfriend gave me farm-fresh eggs, and I made quiche, scrambled eggs, and pound cake. She also brought me a new whiskey: so good!

I’ve also been writing a lot of letters of rec, I got a dental cleaning and filling fix, did my yearly eye appointment, and ordered new glasses. I also wrote a furious letter to UCD, after a shot nurse there decided she was done giving me the asthma drug I desperately need, without telling me (I was still on the schedule and still showed up for my appointment, though she was nowhere to be found), and without making sure I could get the shots with my new allergist. So I guess I’m just going to miss this month’s doses.

I watched the first day of Congressional testimony in the January 6th investigation and cried.

I didn’t get Covid, though I feared I would. It’s a matter of time, I know. It’s just too contagious to avoid it forever.

In closing today, I’ll leave you with the best compliment I got from a graduating student: “Yours was the first class at UCD that I couldn’t bullshit my way through.”

Since the last wrap up, I’ve celebrated Whacking Day, seen Tootsie, and made a couple of great dishes, including air fryer pork tenderloin and brussels & a fig and ginger upside down cake. The Kids in the Hall is back!

The best thing, though, was Davy’s goodbye show. Davy is a wonderful comic, and I’ve greatly enjoyed working with him these last four years. I got to open for him, and I will cherish that memory.

The worst thing, though, is that I might have Covid. Lots of my students have been sick, and I was definitely exposed to a friend’s illness on Friday. Today, my throat hurts, and I have a fever. The former could be regular allergy problems, though.

Week 9 of the quarter starts tomorrow, but I may have to move us online, based on what a rapid test and the symptom survey says. This will also delay a solid return to dating, which I’m considering, now that I’m all healed up from my surgery.

My goal to do a catch-up at least once a week just isn’t happening this quarter. I’ve got four classes, and I’m doing a couple of informal independent studies.

To complicate matters, my back went out just over a week ago, and then Dante got sick (ER sick), with lingering symptoms.

And here’s what else has happened since I last did a wrap up:

My phone died, but eventually I got another one.

I went to Chicago.

Where I saw Vanessa.

And Denise, who got to be taller than I for once.

I had Nando’s. (And other great food, but Nando’s is special.)

I got to go to a museum.

The government said they were transferring my loans to FedLoan (which I requested in December), so they could determine where I was on the loan forgiveness payback calendar.

I got teary-eyed at the start of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. Not for the reason I would have expected–but for one I’ll try to blog about soon.

I served on an honors defense committee for a student at another college, who wrote an almost 100-page thesis on Atwood.

I gave a talk on asexuality in Sherlock and bit my tongue when a giant asshole in the audience started in on how he was going to shoehorn an asexual character in his not-yet-published (because he doesn’t want to publish it now, since he doesn’t have the second book done, and he knows when the first book is published, the public will DEMAND the sequel, and he just doesn’t need that) sci-fi series, even though he had not heard of asexuality until he entered the room 20 minutes before. Luckily, the other panelist, who is ace, politely suggested he do some research first.

I got a bottle of wine from a former student, who said if she hadn’t had me as her workload teacher freshman year, she wouldn’t be graduating now.

I got to go to wine country for the first time since the pandemic–and a rock shop!

I got certified in CPR, since Dublin is happening.

Several of my students have Covid.

I didn’t get to see people close to me because of Covid, and a member of my chosen family has been diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. So I’m still masking, and I’m doing my version of atheist prayer, and I’m rallying the troops.

Stay safe, my friends.

The third week of classes is almost over. Most of my students are going to be okay. A couple are not. A few are awesome.

In addition to the usual course load, I’m working with two of my former comedy students to produce half hour “goodbye” sets (they’re graduating): something I used to do before the pandemic. It’s a lot of work, but I’ve known these kids for years, and I want to give them a proper sendoff.

Anubis just got his stitches out, after yet another bladder surgery. An unfortunate bout of diarrhea means we need to rent a carpet cleaner soon.

I saw John Mulaney at the Golden One Center. I love him, but I don’t ever want to see comedy in a venue like that again. It’s too big. And I was seated in the front row balcony–a really narrow space. Every time someone had to pee, I worried one of us was going to fall over to our deaths. Is there a little bit of plastic to protect your drink from falling? Yes. Protection from YOU falling? Nope.

After almost four month, I was finally able to re-start my allergy treatment, at a different clinic. Because it’s been so long, they had to take my dose way down, and I have to go in every week now. On top of that, I still go to my regular UCD place to get my Xolair shots twice a month.

In other words, I used to have two shot appointments a month. Now, because UCD can’t seem to find an allergist, I have six. That sucks.

I got to see the National Theatre Live production of The Book of Dust, at the Tower Theater. They did a really beautiful job with it. It was the first time my friend and former Oxford assistant and I had seen each other in a long time.

I have discovered there’s a technical term for another way in which my body is weird.

I saw my ENT last week, because ever since Covid, or whatever I had at the very end of 2019, my right ear has been off: feeling stopped up, with low level pain. My ears have never been great: any change in elevation, even going to the foothills, is painful. It also makes me look awful: my eyes start to water uncontrollably.

In his exam, my ENT asked me to pop my ears.

I explained I couldn’t do that. He assured me I could. So I plugged my nose and blew.

“Oh, wow. You actually can’t. Nothing in your ear moved at all.”

He used a complex scientific term for what I was supposed to be able to do, one I can’t remember now and which isn’t coming up when I search for it.

I honestly hadn’t realized that everyone else could just pop their ears at will; I just thought my painful ears were part of everything hurting when it shouldn’t.

The good news: there’s apparently a treatment we can try, after we run a few hearing tests. As much as I travel, I hope it helps.

Finally, the Dean said a couple of week ago that if I only had 11 students for Dublin in the Fall, we couldn’t go. I did one last push. And it paid off. My 12th student has enrolled, so Dublin, here we come!

I haven’t had the chance to blog in a while, so this is going to be quite the catch all. Here’s what’s happening / what happened recently, in no particular order.

After taking off my bra in the ER on 12/2, after falling and fucking up my shoulder, I finally put a bra back on on 3/2.

I discovered The Mitchells vs. the Machines, which is now one of my favorite movies of all time.

I visited Indy and Chicagoland, which allowed me to see Vanessa, Tiffany, and Denise. Along the way, I got to meet V’s “committee” at her neighborhood bar, have four servings of lamb, visit three breweries; have a private whiskey tasting, watch Turning Red with my niece, get asked about cussing by my nephew, get spoiled with great food by Tiffany; watch Labyrinth with my niece and Vanessa, guard my food from my kitty nephew; explore stand-up with Ben and Kevin; watch my niece learn to make cocktails with Vanessa, visit a horror store, a science and surplus store, and a bookstore with Tiffany, get kicked in the back by two different boys on two different flights, meet a new friend, Eugene, spring forward for hopefully the last time, and introduce Denise to her now-favorite action / superhero movie.

All the while, I’ve been struggling with allergies. Due to problems at UCD Health, I haven’t been able to get my allergy shots since December, and I feel it. I still have to wait a few more weeks before I can start treatment again.

Anubis has had yet another health crisis. Crystals and stones in his bladder resulted in a cat ER visit. And as I write this, he’s in surgery to get them removed.

I’m still trying to figure out my student loans. The DOE finally fixed their paperwork to say I just had the original, de-coupled loans back in December. I immediately filed for loan forgiveness again. They haven’t acknowledged receipt of the application. I emailed them, but the reply ignored my question completely and simply gave me a pat answer about loan forgiveness for teachers who work in k-12.

I’m worried that they’ll simply ignore my application until the temporary access to forgiveness goes away.

My break became less restful when I was given an exciting opportunity: taking over teaching this Fall’s inaugural Dublin program. I had to swing into action to create a new syllabus, videos, and other outreach materials. Not sure if it’s going to work; in this climate, enrollments are low, so the course may not make.

I’ve started the quarter now–most of my undergraduates are wearing masks. Most of my graduate students are not. While on “break,” I was able to set up every aspect of my four courses and to answer my former students’ queries, of which there were many.

This year also saw the latest day a Christmas tree came down: 3/21!