A student just cited the magic toaster as a source in her essay.

Explanation: I am a visual thinker; AI is nebulous, so I envision it as a magic toaster. It’s not a great toaster, as it routinely makes shit up (aka hallucinating), cites things published in predatory journals, etc. It’s also a terrible writer.

I spend a lot of time telling my students why I don’t want them to use it. I have no interest in what the toaster thinks, and I shouldn’t spend the too-little time I have on this planet commenting on its nonsense. I also ask them what will happen when I give AI a bad grade: will they go to the toaster and explain that I hated that introduction?

Despite this, I’ve seen an explosion of AI use, and now I’m spending more time turning people in to SJA than in trying to warn them.

I have an online freshman course at SCC, and it’s been most destructive there. One homework assignment was to gear us up for an analysis of a film of their choosing: the students will argue whether the film ultimately upholds traditional gender roles and stereotypes or subverts them.

The assignment asked for a one-paragraph summary of the film and a one-paragraph explanation of why it would be a good fit for this assignment.

1/3rd of the students had AI write those paragraphs. How could I tell? The paragraphs didn’t sound like any other writing the students had done, and they all sounded the same. Each assignment ended, for example, with AI saying the film would make a “nuanced case study …”

None of the students denied using AI. And none of them apologized for it.

Several of them later turned in drafts written by AI; I wrote them all notes about how they were going to fail the assignment. I also told them all I would be running each essay through an AI detector, and stressed that AI should not be used on this essay, other than for grammar/spelling.

As I was glancing through the essays yesterday morning, my heart dropped. Students were required to use three secondary sources. One had AI as her third source. “According to AI, Moana is a movie about . . .” The Works Cited page entry was “AI. Google.”

I emailed the student, who said she remembered me saying they could use AI if they cited it.

Here’s what the syllabus says: “… You may use Grammarly and other editing programs to identify and fix typos, spelling errors, punctuation, and sentence errors. You may not use these editors to add new words, sentences, or ideas. I’m fine with you using [AI] to brainstorm and to edit/proofread (as long as you cite and talk about it in the memo). What’s not okay: letting AI write a draft for you. If you can point to sentence in your paper and say, ‘AI wrote that part,’ then something’s wrong.”

I have also done extensive source work with the students, going over reliable sources and how to find them. I have stressed that AI is unreliable, and I have forbidden students to use sources with no authors and cheat sites. AI, in this context, is a combo of both.

AI isn’t an expert on Moana, I explained to the student; it hasn’t actually seen the film.

My last message to the students before the paper was due said: “Don’t use one of the four forbidden sources. Don’t use AI.”

The only comfort I have is reminding myself that the student doesn’t watch most of the videos and didn’t do all of the homework on sources, but I still feel like a new line has been crossed.

Our old couches are really old: they were used when I bought them in 2007. They bear cat scratches and have almost no support, so hubby wanted something more comfortable.

I suggested doing a curb search: it is move in/out season in Davis, after all.

He shot me down, but I didn’t really know where one gets new couches. Then I remembered hearing that some conservatives think a furniture company traffics children, so I went to that company’s site & looked at what was on sale, opting for a couch / chair combo.

(Not because I endorse child trafficking, but because that’s not happening & I figure this conspiracy theory might be hurting their bottom line.)

I knew we needed some pillows, and I remembered seeing some cat themed ones years ago, so I ordered the slips and shoved the old couch pillows into them.

At the same time, I have been undertaking an organizational clean up around here. I’m not going to post pictures of the closets and under sink cabinets, but I sometimes open the bathroom cupboard when I’m stressed just to remind myself that I am getting things done and that, for this brief time, things are actually where they should be.

(Why am I stressed? The usual health stuff, some less usual family health stuff, having been forcibly moved to an academic “unit” & not knowing what that means, and the oncoming storm that is five courses (four preps) for Fall.)

The reorganization has necessitated some accent shelves and a small spice rack.

As the hubby and I are both bad about putting things up straight, we contracted a task rabbit, who then didn’t show up cause they were sick. A week later, they were still sick and then a different task rabbit just didn’t show up at all, so I figured out how to do the straight and even thing, cussed a lot, because the drill and I are not friends, but got it all up!

My husband has what he describes as “man feet.” Last Friday, I went to a very overdue pedicure & insisted he go with me. When I told him he would get to sit in a massage chair, he agreed.

He proudly announced it was his first time, and the ladies who worked there made a big deal about him–telling him he was lucky to have a wife who cared about his feet, etc. They clapped when they learned he’s an AEMT.

He was enjoying his pedicure so much that he let them upsell him to a manicure. He didn’t go for any polish, but he got the works, including paraffin.

I let him pick out my toe color.

Today, he went back to buy the bottle, so I can do my hands to match. On the way, he picked up some thank you flowers for the women–one of his toes, which had chronic pain, no longer hurts.

They gave him the nail polish for free.

When sick in Oxford on a rainy day, what’s an American to do but cuddle up with a cuppa and read a book set in Oxford?

I started The Moving Toyshop, by Edmund Crispin (1946). The series features an Oxford literature professor as the detective and lines like the ones below, so I thought I would love it:

“I am getting old and stale. I act with calculation. I take heed for the morrow. This morning I caught myself paying a bill as soon as it came in. This must all be stopped. In another age I should have devoured the living hearts of children to bring back my lost youth. As it is . . . I shall go to Oxford.”

“Oxford is the one place in Europe where a man can do anything, however eccentric, and arouse no interest or emotion at all.”

But then there was the first look at the murder victim:

“There was no ring on her left hand, and the flatness of her breasts had already suggested that she was unmarried.”

Later, we’re told that a picture of the victim is surprising: “it was not the face of an ineffectual spinster.”

In these instances, my brain threw up defenses: “hey, we’re not all . . .”

What’s weird here isn’t so much that a 1946 novel written by a man was sexist.

I’ve been married and divorced, and I’m married now. I’ve been a mother every single second I’ve been an adult.

What’s weird is that I’m not a spinster, but my brain decidedly thinks I am. It’s always had a “we” response to statements about us . . . I mean, them . . . ever since I was a little girl.

I guess I was always a black sheep enough to know that I was destined to be the maiden aunt, well, not the maiden aunt, but the eccentric aunt who was a “bad” influence on the children.

Wallie William Waltonen married Winca Jewreen Graves. They went on to raise four children (Kativa, Monty Ree, Marty Dee, and Mindy Lee) and a trouble-making granddaughter, Karma Jewreen.

This week, I got the Atwood journal out, after finally getting a missing piece. It was important to me to do that before doing the all-day upper division comp exam scoring yesterday.

Since then:

There weren’t enough scorers, so I have to find time this weekend to score a bunch more essays.

Came home to a dead water heater.

Thoth brought in a rat and put it in the food bowl, like “I made dinner!”

I spent most of the night sick in the bathroom.

Just got an email that the last piece of the journal has a mistake they didn’t catch, so it’s technically not done.

I’m tired.

Number of resolutions made last year: 5

(rest more, try at least 52 new recipes, see a movie in the theatre each week; learn to make 12 new cocktails)

Number of resolutions kept: 2

Days in hammock: 0

New Recipes Tried: 59

(Best new recipe: Spicy Thai Eggplant with Ground Pork and Tofu)

New Cocktails Made: 17

Podcasts I’ve tried to keep up with: 23

Magazine subscriptions I tried to keep up with: 6

Times Karen drove down from Santa Rosa to see me: 2

Movies watched: 69

(including 6 at the Sacramento French Film Festival)

Oscar-Nominated Movies last year: 9 + 15 this year = 24

Oscar-Nominated Shorts: 11

Drunk women encountered at the airport who could not believe she had to change terminals to get to Omaha: 1

Times Jeff accidentally told the Omaha woman to get off the tram at the wrong stop: 1

Times I overheard Italians saying “Mamma Mia” in a completely natural way, which I didn’t believe they did: 6 (three just at the airport when dealing with tourists)

Times my house was completely clean: 0

Times in Ireland that I went to find a King crest souvenir because a paternal ancestor migrated from Derry to PA in the 1700s, and a Conroy crest souvenir because my maternal cousins’ paternal ancestor migrated from Derry to PA in the 1800s, and I learned that some Conroys anglicized their names to King, so maybe my cousins and I are related in another way way back: 1

Painful two-part dental procedures: 1

Places visited: 9

(Chicago, Indianapolis, Milan, London, Guatemala, Northern Ireland, Malta, Anaheim, Verona)

Weeks away from home: 8

Full days home between Milan and Ireland: 5

New nieces: 1

Bad mental health months: 2

New combination air fryers / toaster ovens, which resulted in the net loss of one kitchen tool: 1

Visits to the airport Pappadeux: 2

Derry Girl sets sat upon: 2

Museums & Galleries: 25

Times Jeff and I went back to the same favorite restaurant in Malta: 5

Fancy multi-course dinners in Malta: 1

Times I could get a taxi easily in Derry: 1

Times I could NOT get a taxi easily in Derry: 3

Times I could NOT get a taxi at all in Derry: 3

Times I set up a taxi and waited for it on the street at 5 a.m. and it didn’t come and didn’t come and finally they sent another taxi because the first one had a flat and the driver told me to relax because we had plenty of time, but then I got to the airport (the airport with *1* terminal) and they had stopped check in and the lady who worked there started to lecture me about getting to the airport on time and I started to cry and she let me check in, so I did get to join the 11 other people getting on the plane a while later: 1

Students who got into Prized Writing: 2

Conferences: 7

New summer abroad classes developed: 1

Film Festivals: 2

Indian fairs: 1

Trying fry bread for the first time: 1

A dinner ruined by nearby conservative Americans in Milan: 1

Times I wanted a gazpacho (with egg topping), but misread the menu and somehow ended up paying 16 euros for *a* poached egg with gazpacho drizzle: 1

Poached eggs enjoyed: 0

London Arboretums: 1

New lovely scarves: 3

Times I got Covid: 1

Days picking up wine with my man: 1

Times a pharmacist in Milan was rude when I needed help for my IBS: 1 (“No. We don’t have it! Goodbye!!!”)

Nando’s meals: 6

Atwood talks given: 1

Times I got a flat tire on the way to my Atwood talk and abandoned my car on the side of the road to make it on time: 1

Meals at my favorite Milan restaurant (Mappamando): 5

Comedy Specials Watched: 21

Live Comedy Shows: 3 (Keith Lowell Jensen; Judah Friedlander; Hannah Einbinder)

Other Live Shows: 3 (Nina Totenberg; Meow Meow; The Labricks)

Times Meow Meow had Jeff come up on stage as part of her act: 1

New tires required: 2

Front end work required: 1

Times Dante got a flat while my car was in the shop: 1

Days just in December when I couldn’t walk: 3

Days in December when I could just shuffle: 5

Classes taught: 12

(full time is 7)

New ornaments for the tree: 11

Time I tried Malort: 1

Times I enjoyed Malort: 0

Times I finished 25 years of teaching and threw myself a party: 1

Times I got closure or clarity on my student loans: 0

Times I had to start repayments on my student loans: 0

(Have they been forgiven? Who knows. Probably?)

Live Plays: 16

Hours spent researching my family tree: not enough + too much. This next year, I’ll keep track of how many people I add.

Ear Surgeries: 1

Worsening health conditions, including my clumsiness (I have broken three wine glasses while doing dishes this week): all – 1 (my ears)

TV Shows: 84

Arts and crafts projects: 1

New roombas: 1

Lower bite guards that don’t stop me from grinding at all: 1

Books Completed: 84

New jewelry organizers: 1

Stand-up performances with my students: 4

Completely dreadful scamming Airbnb hosts: 1

Times I read through this list and realized why I might be ending the year exhausted beyond measure: 1

Perfect weddings in Guatemala: 1

Wedding ceremonies in Woodland to make it legal here too: 1

The Details:

New recipes: Spiced Roast Chicken with Tangy Yogurt Sauce; Berry-Jam Fried Chicken with Savory Cornbread; Mustard and Rosemary Pork Tenderloin with Fried Apples; Saucy Chicken and Peppers with Manchego Polenta; Slow Cooker Chicken and Stuffing; Red Wine Chocolate Cake; Pork Medallions with Red Pepper Sauce; Ginger-Sesame Pork Burgers with Slaw; Thai One-Pot; Laap Pla Duk (Thai Catfish Salad); Chicken Soup with Chilis, Coconut Milk & Lime; Corned Beef; Meyer Lemon Olive Oil Cake; Garlic Red Pepper Chicken; Peanut Noodle Salad with Cucumber and Roast Pork; Pastrami Carbonara; TikTok Baked Spaghetti with Bison; Creamy, Lemon Pasta (from NYT); Best Damn Air Fryer Chicken Legs; Spiced Pork Chops with Peas, Radishes, and Mint; Spicy Thai Eggplant, Pork, and Tofu*; Crock Pot Pork from AllRecipes, with Air Fryer Green Beans from The New York Times; French Sloppy Joes; Lamb Burgers; Chicken Stroganoff; Rosemary, Honey, and Fig Cake; Egg and Potato Chip Tortilla; Slow Cooker Massaman Curry; Murgh Kari (Indian Chicken Curry); Skillet Tortellini with Corn and Rosemary; Catalan Tomato Bread; Slow Cooker Ethiopian-Spiced Chicken and Black Lentil Stew; Fig Sour Cream Cake with Caramel Cream Sauce; Laab; Air Fryer Ranch Pork Chops; Crunchy Baked Pesto Chicken Thighs; Slow Cooker Sweet and Sour Chicken Thighs; Cumin Lamb Noodles with Eggplant; Soy-Butter Corn Ramen; Air Fryer Sesame Chicken Breast; Blueberry No-Churn Ice Cream; Sheet-Pan Chicken Thighs with Spicy Corn; Air Fryer Chicken Wellington; Slow-cooker Spanish Chicken; Coconut Curry Salmon; Pizza Chicken; Cannelloni*; Slow Cooker Coconut Pork Curry; Air Fryer Cod; Grilled Tandoori Chicken Sandwiches; Chicken Pesto Pasta Bake; Pork au Poivre; Dutch Baby (Ham and Cheese); Fettuccini with Ham and Zucchini; Curried Lentils with Ham; Summer Rolls; Salmon with Lemon-Ginger Butter; No Bake Eggnog Pie; Grandma’s Casserole, but with Elk!

New Cocktails: Moonpool; Lemon Basil Martini; Death in the Afternoon; Corpse Reviver 2; Lemon Lavender Sour*; Blood Orange Irish Mule; Brainstorm; Emerald; Southside*; Tom Collins with Wild Pink Icelandic Gin; Monte Carlo; Lemon Lavender Old Fashioned; Blackthorn; French Absinthe; New York Sour*; El Diablo; Hot Buttered Rum

Podcasts: RadioLab; This American Life; Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me; History of Egypt; Morning Edition; All Things Considered; American History Tellers; Sidedoor; LeVar Burton Reads; Savage Lovecast; Will Be Wild; Working It Out; More Perfect; Fresh Air with Terry Gross; You’re Wrong About; The Retrievals; Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend; 1865; Over My Dead Body; Beef and Dairy Network Podcast; Wiser than Me; This is History with Dan Jones; American Scandal; RadioLab

Magazines: The New Yorker; Discover; Smithsonian; Fantasy and Science Fiction; Asimov’s; National Geographic

Movies: Good Luck to You, Leo Grande; Weird; The Mitchells Vs. The Machines; Lover Come Back; The Muppets; The Muppets Most Wanted; Star Wars IV, V, VI; Star Trek 2009; Guardians of the Galaxy; You Hurt My Feelings; Love Sarah; Ticket to Paradise; Brian and Charles; The Lion in Winter; Luther: The Fallen Sun; Indiana Jones 1, 2. Spiderverse 2; The Night of the 12th; Everybody Loves Jeanne; Little Ones; The (In)Famous Youssef Salem; Labyrinth; Past Lives; Indiana Jones V; Dungeons and Dragons; Emily the Criminal; Shaun the Sheep; Blue Beetle; Austenland; Linoleum; A Man Called Otto; Barbie (twice); Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings; Bob and Marge Go Large; Hunt for the Wilderpeople; Crazy Rich Asians; The Nannies; The Man Who Came to Dinner; Bridget Jones’s Diary; Paddington 2; Toni; Catherine Called Birdie; Clueless; The Boy and the Heron; Trains, Planes, and Automobiles; Chicken Run 2; Poor Things; Persuasion; Elvis, Everything, Everywhere, All At Once; The Fabelmans; Tar; Triangle of Sadness; Women Talking; Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio; Puss in Boots: The Last Wish; The Sea Beast; The Whale; Blonde; To Leslie; Empire of Light; Babylon; Saltburn; Renfield

Comedy Specials: Wanda Sykes: I’m an Entertainer; Nate Bargatze: Hello, World; Jim Gaffigan: Quality Time; Kathleen Madigan: Hunting Bigfoot; Russell Howard: Lubricant (2); Mike Birbiglia: What I Should Have Said Was Nothing; Birbiglia: My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend; Neal Brennan: Blocks; Leanne Morgan: I’m Every Woman; Randy Feltface: Smug Druggles; Randy Feltface: The Book of Randicus; Zainab Johnson: Hijabs Off; Sarah Silverman: Someone You Love; Birbiglia: The Old Man and the Pool; Pete Holmes: I Am Not for Everyone; Leo Reich: Literally Who Cares?!; Maria Bamford: Local Act; Trever Noah: Where Was I?; Eliza Shlesinger: Unveiled; Ari Eldjárn: Pardon My Icelandic; John Leguizamo: Latin History for Morons

Live Plays: The Hombres; Book of Mormon; The Predictor; Accidental Death of an Anarchist; Tambo and Bones; Strange Loop; Dr. Semmelweis; The Play That Goes Wrong; Clyde’s; Ragtime; Harry Clarke; The Anarchists; POTUS; Christmas at Pemberly 3; To Kill a Mockingbird; Hadestown

New Shows: Andor; Kindred; His Dark Materials; The Last of Us; Moon Knight; Queen Charlotte; American Born Chinese; Poker Face; Shrinking; The Bear; Blindspotting; Ahsoka; Hijak; Life on Our Planet; White House Plumbers; Over the Garden Walls; Colin from Accounts; The Diplomat; Obama’s Working series

Mostly Kept Up With: Call the Midwife; Foundation; Outlander; Futurama; Star Trek: Strange New Worlds; Harley Quinn; The After Party; Foundation; Picard; Schmigadoon; Loki; Upload; Lower Decks; Breeders; Disenchantment; Lupin; Our Flag Means Death; Vienna Blood; Doctor Who; For All Mankind; Bob’s Burgers; SNL; The Simpsons; Fargo; Gilded Age; Reservation Dogs; The Crown; Abbot Elementary; Barry; The Great; Marvel’s What If; Good Omens; All Creatures Great and Small; Vikings: Valhalla; Last Week Tonight with John Oliver; Seth Meyers; Colbert; Daily Show; Resident Alien; Ted Lasso; Marvelous Mrs. Maisel; Barry; Miracle Workers

Shows Jeff and I binged that I had seen before: The Americans; Counterpart; Acapulco; Brooklyn 99; Killing Eve; For All Mankind; The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt; The After Party; Schmigadoon; Only Murders in the Building; Ted Lasso

Other binges: Kim’s Convenience; The Spanish Queen; Julia; Scrubs; Archer; The White Princess; The White Queen; This is Going to Hurt; The Witcher (S1); I Love That For You; Vikings

My dream, from 7-8 this morning:

I screened a movie for friends. There had been a murder on a campus, which created fear and chaos. A dashing young vampire took the opportunity to ingratiate himself with a beautiful woman and her friend. While they were all at his apartment, the power went out, and he went to light candles, but the match wouldn’t catch. Somehow, this affected time, both forwards and backwards. Suddenly, the woman and her friend didn’t find him charming anymore, among other problems (him becoming a suspect in the murder).

More people had come over to watch the movie halfway through. They were complaining about it (one complainer was played by the same actor who was Dr. Cox in Scrubs). Our power went out, and I started to light candles as I explained what they had missed in the beginning. Did I mention the meta-ness when my candles didn’t catch? Yes. Did I tell people that the movie was Sliding Doors, but with vampires? Yes. Did I suggest that we all watch Shadow of the Vampire? Yes.

How do I know this was my 7-8 dream? Because I also woke up at 7, from a dream in which Melissa and I were going to a play in the Bay area. We took Thoth and Graymalkin with us, dropping them off in an empty lab on the Berkeley campus on the way. When we returned, the lab was covered in litter. The professor who ran the lab was a very hot guy in a wheelchair. He was telling me I didn’t have to clean it up if I would go out on a date with him. I explained I had a fiancé. He said, “I can tell you’re still attracted to me.” I explained that having a fiancé didn’t mean other people became unattractive, and I was relieved he knew I thought he was hot, because I didn’t want him to think being in a wheelchair was the reason I wouldn’t go out with him.

Interpretations:

I watch a lot of movies.

I want people to know I’m woke.

I’m impotent, since I couldn’t get the match to catch, but so was the vampire.

Growing up, I didn’t see the appeal of St. Patrick’s Day at all. My non-Irish grandmother would boil corned beef and cabbage, and people featured on tv news would drink too much. It was just the tradition fallacy: we had to eat a very bland meal because we had been doing so every year. If this was supposed to be good, I thought, surely we would have it more often.

I embraced St. Urho’s Day, which I’ve written several posts about on this blog. It was a way to be close to my grandfather, to embrace my Finnish heritage, and to celebrate the comedy of a completely made-up holiday.

Two things happened last year, though, that have shifted me.

First, I used some of my recovery time from surgery to continue my grandfather’s genealogy work. I’m actually a little bit Irish. The Irish ancestors I know about so far are Malones and O’Ferrells.

And then I lived in Dublin for three months, which I absolutely loved. Ireland is dear to my memory and my heart, and now that I’ve had my own local pub and other haunts, it’s one of my former homes.

Thus, today I am making corned beef for the first time. It’s in the crock pot. Since I don’t like boiled cabbage, I’m going to have some spring rolls as an appetizer.

(I’m not worried about being inauthentic: in Ireland, the dish isn’t corned beef and cabbage; it’s Irish bacon and cabbage. Side note: Irish bacon is about as appealing to me as boiled cabbage.)

I’ll pair my dinner with one of my Irish whiskies. And I’ll pet my cats, since it’s also St. Gertrude’s Day.