Today was the birthday of my paternal Grandfather’s Gma, Eleanor Maxwell, who was born and raised in Tennessee (1836-1919).

Eleanor’s daughter married Eleanor’s sister’s son.

In other words, my paternal Grandfather’s parents were first cousins, in case you were wondering how white trash I am.

Today in 1875, my (Grand)daddy’s grandfather, John Andersson Waltonen, was born in Finland, on a prosperous dairy farm.

He and one of the milkmaids had a “miracle baby” (according to my GDaddy, “a baby miraculously born only a few months after the wedding”). His family didn’t accept her, since she was lower class, so they immigrated to America.

John’s wife never did learn English.

Without class struggles, lax immigration policies, and premarital sex, I wouldn’t be here.

My goal to do a catch-up at least once a week just isn’t happening this quarter. I’ve got four classes, and I’m doing a couple of informal independent studies.

To complicate matters, my back went out just over a week ago, and then Dante got sick (ER sick), with lingering symptoms.

And here’s what else has happened since I last did a wrap up:

My phone died, but eventually I got another one.

I went to Chicago.

Where I saw Vanessa.

And Denise, who got to be taller than I for once.

I had Nando’s. (And other great food, but Nando’s is special.)

I got to go to a museum.

The government said they were transferring my loans to FedLoan (which I requested in December), so they could determine where I was on the loan forgiveness payback calendar.

I got teary-eyed at the start of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. Not for the reason I would have expected–but for one I’ll try to blog about soon.

I served on an honors defense committee for a student at another college, who wrote an almost 100-page thesis on Atwood.

I gave a talk on asexuality in Sherlock and bit my tongue when a giant asshole in the audience started in on how he was going to shoehorn an asexual character in his not-yet-published (because he doesn’t want to publish it now, since he doesn’t have the second book done, and he knows when the first book is published, the public will DEMAND the sequel, and he just doesn’t need that) sci-fi series, even though he had not heard of asexuality until he entered the room 20 minutes before. Luckily, the other panelist, who is ace, politely suggested he do some research first.

I got a bottle of wine from a former student, who said if she hadn’t had me as her workload teacher freshman year, she wouldn’t be graduating now.

I got to go to wine country for the first time since the pandemic–and a rock shop!

I got certified in CPR, since Dublin is happening.

Several of my students have Covid.

I didn’t get to see people close to me because of Covid, and a member of my chosen family has been diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. So I’m still masking, and I’m doing my version of atheist prayer, and I’m rallying the troops.

Stay safe, my friends.

I wanna be related to Eleanor of Aquitaine, I thought to myself yesterday.

This wasn’t entirely random.

I had read through a copy of my ahnentafel (genealogical) table, compiled by my grandfather many years ago. I have piles and piles of material from him, arranged in not always helpful ways (more on that in future posts).

My table goes to the 17th generation (if you count me as Gen 1). There are 19 ancestors listed in that generation.

In other words, my grandfather had traced us in various countries to the 15th century; this was his retirement project (and he retired in his forties). His greatest achievement was tracing our Finnish line back to the 1500s.

I hadn’t had a close look at my table in a while–I wanted to go through this one because it had info I didn’t know about my birth father (more on that later too).

As I was flipping into the more distant past, I noticed one of my Holland ancestors (gen 15) was noted as a bastard son of a Duke.

In the Gen 16, section, Henry Holland, 3rd Duke of Exeter, was listed, with his death year. It’s just a line.

That same section has a few paragraphs under a German relative’s name, with information about the town, German spelling, and how one guy can’t be another guy’s father.

So this Duke seems pretty unimportant, since there are no notes.

But, I realized, if he’s a Duke, we know who his parents are, surely.

Which took me down a rabbit hole. Henry Holland (and his ancestors and relations) were all heavily involved in The War of the Roses. Henry was an asshole by all accounts. He worked as a Constable at the Tower, and the rack (torture device) was nicknamed “Exeter’s daughter.” He ended up in the Tower much later, when his wife’s family (York) was in ascension, since he was loyal to the other side. (His wife? Richard III’s older sister.)

It was perhaps this disloyalty to the Yorks that enabled his wife to eventually divorce him (something rare at the time).

While my (Grand)Daddy recorded the death date, he didn’t note that most historians think he was likely thrown off a ship on orders of the King (while doing a job for him). (The official story was that he fell off and drowned.)

But what does Daddy go into on that page? How the now nonexistent German village’s name might have been spelled.

Henry Holland’s parents aren’t even on the Gen 17 page, though of course we know who they are (he was the third Duke of Exeter, after all).

Henry was a descendant of King Edward III on both sides of his family.

Why have I always been obsessed with the Order of the Garter?

Now I know I’m descended from one of the original knights–and from a Lady of the Garter.

I know about some beheadings.

About being descended from “the Unready.”

And yes, through my relation to this guy:

. . . I am related to Eleanor of Aquitaine and her husband, Henry II.

Today, I’ve traced us back to the 800s, to generation 38. There are other veins to follow, but since they don’t lead to English kings, they probably won’t go back so far.

One name on the tree caught my eye. In Gen 27, Henry I was married to Matilda of Scotland. Her dad was Malcolm III, whom I know as a boy who flees after Macbeth kills his father in the eponymous play. Thus, in addition to the Scottish line I can trace through the Andersons on my maternal Grandmother’s side and the Pagans also in (Grand)Daddy’s line, I’m descended from King Duncan, this guy:

My Masters was on Macbeth, my favorite Shakespeare play.

There are a lot more cool stories in my tree now.

I will read them the way you should read Shakespeare’s Macbeth (not quite history). I will also read them knowing that there are likely mistakes in the record and at least a few men were probably raising children they only thought were theirs.

My (Grand)Daddy was obviously not really interested in these stories of English and Scottish kings. My son’s guess is likely true: once he hit a royal, the fun was over. Everyone else had already built the trees. It was the search that drove him. His discovery that a sale of land happened between his wife’s ancestors and his many generations back was further proof for him that they were meant to be.

He was interested in what happened to the laborers, the peasants, the bastard children, the ones not famous to have a coat of arms.

The bastard son of the 3rd Duke of Exeter, Thomas Holland, had a grandchild (Gen 13) who immigrated to America. And then a long time after that, Bessie Christina Holland married Waito Walter Waltonen (Gen 4). They had my (Grand)Daddy.

Then I went and had a bastard son, shown here, being fed by his Great-Great-Grandma Bessie.

In no particular order.

Trips to Marina’s cabin in the woods: 1

Octopus necklaces: 1

Octopus necklaces that need a new clasp: 1

Tire blowouts on the freeway: 1

Books Read and Reread: 75

(Blonde Roots by Bernadine Evaristo; The Swallowed Man by Edward Carey; State of Wonder by Ann Patchett; The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern; The Witch’s Heart by Genevieve Gornichec*; Middle-Game by Seanan McGuire; A Darker Shade of Magic (and its two sequels) by V.E. Schwab*; Vicious and Vengeful by V.E. Schwab; The Illigitimates by Killam, Andreyko, Sharpe, and Pantazis; Stiletto by Daniel O’Malley*; Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir*; 1st two books in The Sixth World series by Rebecca Roanhorse; The Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi; The Will and the Wilds by Charlie N. Holmberg; The Chosen and the Beautiful by Nghi Vo; The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab*; McSweeney’s Enchanted Chamber of Astonishing Stories; The Sunset Route by Carrot Quinn; The Children of Virtue and Vengeance by Tomi Adeyemi; Mrs. March by Virginia Feito; City of Ghosts by Victoria Schwab; The Line Becomes a River by Francisco Cantú; The Books of Magic by Neil Gaiman; The Inheritance of Orquidea Divina by Zoraida Cordova; The Last Graduate by Naomi Novik; Sistersong by Lucy Holland; Cat’s Eye by Margaret Atwood*; Artemis by Andy Weir; The Witching Hour by Anne Rice; How Rory Thorne Destroyed the Multiverse by K. Easton; The first six books of the Rivers of London series by Ben Aaronovitch; Fuzz by Mary Roach; Kill the Farm Boy by Kevin Hearne and Delilah S. Dawson; The Tale of the Wicked by John Scalzi; An Election by John Scalzi; The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss*; Ink & Sigil by Kevin Hearne; Snow White, Blood Red Anthology; Across the Green Fields by Seanan McGuire; the first three books in the Glass and Steele series by C.J. Archer; the four books in The Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas; Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory by Martha Wells; the first three books in The Frost Files series by Jackson Ford; Spellmaker by Charlie N. Holmberg; Fugitive Telemetry by Martha Wells; Unexpected Stories by Octavia E. Butler; Kindred by Octavia E. Butler*; Passage by Connie Willis; The Master Magician, The Glass Magician, and The Paper Magician by Charlie N. Holmberg; A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking by T. Kingfisher; the last two books in the Parasitology series by Mira Grant; I Met a Traveller in an Antique Land by Connie Willis; Take a Look at the Five and Ten by Connie Willis; four back issues of Asmimov’s)–asterisks denote the most beloved

The book from last year I can’t get out of my mind: Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller

Books I’m reading right now: 7

Haircuts: 2, which is 2 more than last year!

Bras worn since I fucked up my shoulder a month ago: 0

Average number of times I scream during the day by moving my arm wrong: 3

Average number of times I scream and wake myself up at night by moving my arm wrong: 5

Dishes I made with my 2021 New Year Ham: 8

(Split Pea Soup; Baked Potato Soup; Ham Dinner; Herbed White Bean Soup; Ham Tetrazzinni; Jambalaya; Ham & Zucchini Bread; Quiche)

Letters of Rec written: 12 (they’re down because of the pandemic)

Magazine Subscriptions: 6

(Discovery; The New Yorker; Food and Wine; All Recipes; Asimov’s; Science Fiction and Fantasy)

Uncomfortable, unadjustable treadmills bought: 1

Other health and safety setbacks to my attempts to be in better shape: 5

Pounds I lost, slowly, anyway: 15

Equity Professional Development workshops attended: 3

Times I rolled my eyes when in equity workshops I was told that we shouldn’t ever count work as late, give zeros to missing assignments, or give credit to students who actually do all the assignments well (they are apparently all wealthy and entitled), or count anything in the final grade except the one assignment they did the best on: SO many.

Simpsons/Davis/Doctor Who paintings acquired: 1

New to me TV watched/binged: 51

(Bridgerton; Supernatural; Star Trek Lower Decks*; All Creatures Great and Small; The Flight Attendant; Miss Scarlet and Duke; Mr. Mayor; Flack; Resident Alien*; Call My Agent; The Watch; Luther; It’s a Sin; The Bureau; Staged*; Lupin; Made for Love; The Nevers*; Family Business; Shtisel; Falcon and the Winter Soldier; Hacks; Ted Lasso*; For All Mankind*; Atlantic Crossing; Wandavision; Loki*; Feel Good; Us; Ragnarok; Blindspotting; Schmigadoon; I’m Sorry*; Dickinson; Katla; Harley Quinn*; Only Murders in the Building; The Chair; The Cook of Castamar; Reservation Dogs; Y The Last Man; Ghosts*; Seaside Hotel*; Landscapers; Station 11; The Miniaturist; The Chaperone; The Long Song; Dexter: New Blood; Another Life)

Air fryers bought and used SO much: 2

Spiders falling into in my wine, drowning, because they were hiding in my aerator: 1

Shows I kept up with: 28

(Doctor Who–I actually finished rewatching all of them again, which I started last year; His Dark Materials; The Discovery of Witches; SNL (except Musk); Seth Meyers (not the interviews, though); Disenchantment; Ramy; The Simpsons; Bob’s Burgers; Stath Lets Flats; John Oliver; Avenue 5; Breeders; The Handmaid’s Tale; The Daily Show; Shrill; Kim’s Convenience; the end of Conan’s show; The Kominski Method; Miracle Workers; AP Bio; After Life; Dead to Me; The Great; Star Trek Discovery; Lost in Space; Grace and Frankie; Woke)

Not-new shows I rewatched in their entirety: 8

(The Expanse; Star Trek: Voyager; Brooklyn 99; Torchwood; Futurama XMas episodes; BBC’s Pride and Prejudice; Call the Midwife; finished rewatching Schitt’s Creek again)

Seasons of The Simpsons the boy and I rewatched: 27

Campus Book Project Talks Given: 2

Postcards and letters sent: not sure, but about 200

Awesome Keynote Speeches Given: 1

Amazing Online Margaret Atwood Conferences: 1

Favorite New Recipes: 13

(corn ice cream; skillet enchiladas; air fryer katsu; greek chicken; air fryer tandoori chicken; harissa chicken; lentils with sausage and apples; drunken noodles; gingerbread cake; green curry chicken with green beans; salmon in fig sauce; fig cake; honey-glazed chicken and shallots)

Average number of health appointments per week: 3

Average number of pills I take first thing: 10

Time-to-take-my-pills times per day: 5

In-person conferences: 1

Audience members at the in-person conference presentation who were not the chair, a speaker, or a speaker’s boyfriend: 1

Movies watched and rewatched: 176

(The Thin Man Returns; Another Thin Man; WW84; Soul; That Touch of Mink; Elizabeth is Missing; Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid; Nomadland*; The Thin Man Goes Home; Coming 2 America; The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone; The Age of Innocence; How to Be A Good Wife; The Adventures of Margo and Marguerite; SFFF Short Films; Judas and the Black Messiah; Minari; Trial of the Chicago Seven; Mank; Over the Moon; Oscar Shorts; Borat Subsequent Moviefilm; Sound of Metal; Wolfwalkers*; White Tiger; Covergirl; Tenet; Hopscotch; Thunder Force; The ABCs of Love; Army of the Dead; Wild Irish Thyme; Shrek 1 & 2; Song of the Thin Man; 36 Hours; The Goonies*; Willow; Rava and the Last Dragon; Murphy’s Romance; Design for Living; Eat a Bowl of Tea; SFFF Shorts (2nd set); Love Affair(s); Faithful; Live Flesh; Dark Habits; The Sunshine Boys; De Gaulle; Delete History; Josep; The Bears’ Famous Invasion of Sicily; Red Soil; The V.I.P.s; A Son; All Hands on Deck; June Bride; Appearances; Chariots of Fire; In the Heights; Blue Bird; The Circus; Passion Fish; Waiting for Guffman; Ready or Not; Torn Curtain; The Madness of King George; The Man Who Came to Dinner; Father of the Bride; Pulp; Body Heat; Rachel, Rachel; Running on Empty; Gypsy; Antonio Gaudi; Stowaway; Deathtrap; They Met in Bombay; And So They Were Married; Black Widow; Spider-Man: Homecoming*; Spider-Man: Far From Home; Tequila Sunrise; Secrets and Lies; Any Wednesday; Fun with Dick and Jane (the original); Beverly Hills Cop (all three); The Hard Way; The Suicide Squad 2; Bowfinger; City Slickers; After Earth; French Exit; Greed; See No Evil, Hear No Evil; Batman; Shang-Chi*; Gunpowder Milkshake; Star Trek; Xanadu; The Extra Man; Addicted to Love; Reminiscence; Their Finest; Contagion; Free Guy; Practical Magic; A Promising Young Woman; Primal Fear; No Reservations; Cabin in the Woods*; Blood and Wine; Get Out*; The Witches of Eastwick; Scotland, PA*; Hocus Pocus; Death Becomes Her; The Addams Family (2019); Beautiful Creatures; Super 8; News of the World; What About Bob; Edward Scissorhands*; Ruthless People; Let the Right One In*; The Philadelphia Story*; Alien*; And So It Goes; My Octopus Teacher; Journey 2; Jungle Cruise; Dune; Psycho; For Your Consideration; Shaun of the Dead*; Cinema Paradiso*; Single All the Way; Six Minutes to Midnight; Bridget Jones’s Diary; The Electrical Life of Louis Wain; Russell Howard: Lubricant; The Nightmare Before Christmas; Ironman 3; Jim Gaffigan: Comedy Monster; The Power of the Dog; The Matrix Trilogy; Ocean’s 11; Four Weddings and a Funeral; Breaking News in Yuba County; Scott Pilgrim vs. the World; new Pixar and Disney and Marvel shorts; Silent Night; Oceans 12; Oceans 13; It’s a Wonderful Life; The Bishop’s Wife; Miracle on 34th Street (original); Eddie Izzard: Unrepeatable; Eddie Izzard: Definite Article; Eddie Izzard: Glorious; The Matrix Resurrections; Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill; Seven Psychopaths; Spiderman: No Way Home; Encanto; Rush Hour; Deadpool*; Deadpool 2*; Eddie Izzard: Circle; Tig Notaro: Drawn; Taylor Tomlinson: Quarter-Life Crisis?; Daniel Sloss: X; Daniel Sloss: Dark)

Movies in a movie theatre: 3

Times I’ve watched Labyrinth since Vanessa moved to Indiana: 0

Plans to watch Labyrinth on 1/1/21: 1

Movies I watch without cleaning, answering email, or otherwise trying to be productive: almost none

Days without period blood this month: 8

Days until my hysterectomy: 14

Wine advent calendars: 1

Whiskey advent calendars: 1

Things I didn’t do, places I didn’t visit, friends I didn’t see, because of Covid: innumerable

Classes taught: 16 (four in person)–it’s one line, but this was the bulk of the year

Plays, live, on PBS, and on Zoom: 18

(Angry Raucous and Shamelessly Gorgeous; Joy, Unboxed; Smart People; The Baltimore Waltz, Content; On the Rhine; The Sisters Rosensweig; Writing Fragments; Dear Elizabeth; Small Step; The Brunch Club; A Bee in a Jar; an MFA project on food; Ripe Frenzy; Freedom of Speech; Still Will Be Heard; Ann; Gloria: A Life; Admissions)

Days I didn’t do school or admin work this month: 6 (the most of any month!)

Wisconsin things I tried: 5

(A brandy old-fashioned (I prefer an old-fashioned old-fashioned); fried cheese curds; local sausage; local beer; apple pie in a paper bag)

Public Service Loan Applications I filed: 2

Times the DOE gave me terrible advice, which caused the first application to be rejected, which upped my monthly payment amount to more than my rent, which restarted my PLSF clock, which would have changed what I ultimately paid to the DOE to a quarter of a million dollars, and which caused incredible tension and stress: 2

Fingers I have crossed that the second application works: all of them, toes too. Please cross yours.

Nights of shagging: 1, which is one more than last year

Trips to Indiana: 1

Incredible birthdays in Indiana, which included “duck and duck” and “corn brulee”: 1

Trips to Chicago: 1

Atwood Presidencies ended: 1

Atwood Journal Editorships that continue: 1

Merit raises I won in the last three-year review, on top of my regular cost of living raise, because I am a bad-ass: 1

Fights the union won, after years of negotiations: 1

Strikes averted: 1

Raises I’ll get because of my union in the next few years: several

Cable cords cut: 1

DVRs the company said I didn’t have to give back: 1

Subscription streaming services, though not usually at the same time: 8

Cars in our household: 2

Currently working cars in our household: 1

Energy to deal with the non-working car: 0

Kimonos bought: 6

Kimonos kept: 5

Days I tried to edit an essay about the Sons of Jacob right-wing overthrow of the American government in The Handmaid’s Tale while an actual right-wing coup happened: 1

Republican officials who seem to take a fucking coup seriously: 1

(Oh, wait: her party voted her out.)

Republican officials with any integrity or moral compass on this issue, now that the one is kicked out: 0

Atwood journals out: 1

pages of the Atwood journal: 340

Great covers for the Atwood journal by Scott Shaw: 1

Toes I quickly dipped in the dating pool: 1

Times I was stood up: 1

Times I wasn’t stood up: 1

Toes pulled back up out of the dating pool: 1

New slogans, taken from student evals: 1

(“terrifying in all the right ways”)

MLA presentations in slippers and pajama bottoms: 1

Zoom classes, presentations, and conferences without shoes: all of them

Museums/Exhibits attended: 2

My back going out ruining the first week of class: 1

An ER trip ruining a last class: 1

Facet injections: many, but just one session

Colonoscopies and endoscopies: 1 of each

Uterine scrapings: 1

New xmas tree ornaments: 1

Christmas trees put up, with just lights and that one ornament: 1

Handmade figurines of Emmet Otter’s Jug Band: 4

Christmas card to (and from) a penpal I’ve been writing to since middle school: 1

Presents the boy got me after I nursed him through his oral surgery: 1

Double Mix CD for Valentine’s Day: 1

Double Mix CD for Halloween: 1

Double Mix CD for Christmas: 1

New artists I like that I discovered by listening to NPR’s New Music Playlist on Spotify each week: about two dozen

Live and Zoom Stand-Up watched: 30

(Judah Friedlander; Judy Gold; Dr. Katz Live (3); Todd Barry; SF Sketchfest; my students 7 times; Invisible Disabilities; Birbiglia (2); Maria Bamford (2); Myq Kaplan; Sarah Silverman; the Sklar Brothers; Greg Proops; Todd Barry + Natasha Leggaro birthday show; Pete Holmes; Star Wars Day Show; Louie Anderson; Keith Lowell Jensen; Jackie Kashian; New Year’s Eve Show)

Grief counseling in office hours: many

Night guards made: 2

Night guards I had to stop wearing because it made me grind more: 1

Night guards that may help with something, not sure yet: 1

Students who got into Prized Writing: 2

Podcasts: 21

(Radio Lab*; You’re Wrong About*; Fresh Air; This American Life*; Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me*; Morning Edition; All Things Considered; Working it Out; The Improvement Association*; WTF; 1619; Don’t Ask Tig; Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend; The Experiment; On Our Watch; Invisibilia; Savage Lovecast*; Sex, Death & Money; LeVar Burton Reads; This Podcast Will Kill You; Reveal)

(The two episodes of Radio Lab I most recommend: “Everybody’s Got One”; “Oliver Sipple”)

My stand-up performances: 3

(mon chatte; my partisan pussy; bikes)

Times I got to geek out over Zoom with Ellen Forney: 2

Vaccine Doses: 3

Primary care physicians who retired but came back, like they said they would, despite what everyone thought: 1

Letters from Atwood: 1

Days the cats made me a little happier than I would have been without them: 365

Years I’ve wanted eggnog pie, but not made eggnog pie: so many

Times I finally made eggnog pie: 1

Times I screwed up the texture of the eggnog pie, because I got distracted by Betty White, one of my heroes, dying and thus let part of it set too long while I cried: 1

Slightly-screwed up eggnog pies that I’m going to eat anyway: 1

Yesterday, I was listening to This American Life on my walk. One short episode, “The Rundown,” talked about Starlee Kind’s mission to rid the world of small talk.

She walked the audience through how to have great conversations with people instead.

All I could think about was Du and how she already instigates and carries fantastic conversations with people. We even joke about how her gregariousness got me married once (she just can’t help starting up with random Canadians on the streets of Toronto, or anywhere).

Everyone adores Denise, and I’m sure part of why is her conversational skills. She’s thoughtful, quick-witted, humorous, but most of all, she’s really listening to what we all say, and encouraging us to say more.

Today is her birthday, and I’m so lucky that she’s chosen to have so many laughs and great talks with me.

Yesterday was “May the Fourth Be With You Day,” which meant I had to choose which of my five Star Wars shirts to wear. We watched the new Simpsons/Star Wars short, and I ended my day with a Star Wars-themed stand-up show on RushTix, hosted by Brian Posehn.

He was talking about his toys, which made me think about all the ones I had as a kid, which made me remember a time when I bought my son a few.

Christmas was coming, and I found myself in the bargain bin at Toys R Us, in an attempt to provide a good holiday on a single-mom budget. The year before, Star Wars toys had been big, which meant they were relegated to the bin this year. I bought several ships for us to put together.

Christmas was spent with my extended family.

On Christmas night, my son and I were on the floor next to my grandfather’s chair, attaching wings, figuring out which stickers went where.

My grandfather said, “You’re being a good mom.”

I was surprised for a few reasons. First, my grandfather was a man of few words; praise was rare.

Second, putting toys together didn’t seem like anything special to me. It wasn’t staying up with him all night when he got sick, making his favorite dinner even though I would have to stay up even later to finish my paper, not murdering him when he wouldn’t let me even go to the bathroom by myself, no matter how much I begged . . .

Still, I treasure this rare moment of acknowledgment. I hope it gave my grandfather some pleasure to watch the little girl he raised play with his great-grandson.

Too many tomatoes, eggplants, and sprigs of basil?

Not anymore!

Ingredients:

• Olive Oil
• Tomatoes (any kind will work), roughly diced
• Eggplants (any kind), peeled and roughly diced
• Basil
• Italian Seasoning
• Salt
• Pepper
• Garlic
• Wine (red or white, as long as it’s dry)
• A spoonful of honey or sugar
• optional: tomato paste
• Italian sausage (any kind)
• optional: cayenne
• Heavy cream
• Parsley

Why no measurements? That’s not how kitchen improv with your CSA works!

Method:

1. Put the olive oil, tomatoes, eggplant, basil, Italian seasoning, salt, pepper, garlic, wine, and honey or sugar into a large pot. Heat on low for several hours, stirring infrequently, The vegetables will break down.
2. Use an immersion blender to mix everything (or transfer everything to a food processor or blender, mix, and return to the pot).
3. Cook the Italian sausage. Add to the marinara.
4. If it’s too soupy, perhaps because the tomatoes were really juicy, add tomato paste.
5. Mix parmesan cheese (1/2 cup-ish) and a cup-ish of heavy cream. Adjust seasoning. (If the Italian sausage isn’t spicy, I add cayenne to give the sauce a kick.) Adding some chopped spinach into this step would work great, if you have some.
6. Serve over pasta, topped with parsley and additional parmesan cheese.
7. Since you made so much, put some in the freezer.

This recipe came from my Summer of 2020 CSA adventure. I had run out of ways to use eggplant and tomatoes and basil (especially since my son wouldn’t eat eggplant). I asked for his permission to try to make a marinara that would include eggplant.

This worked so well; the smokiness of the eggplant balances and complements the other ingredients. We tried other proteins, but when we didn’t have Italian sausage, it just wasn’t the same.

If we were vegetarian and didn’t know the joys of what Italian sausage would do, though, we would have still loved this dish.

I still have lots of this in my freezer, and the boy is happy when I resurrect some for a weeknight pasta fest.

I gave you the recipe before my life story, unlike so many recipe sites.

But here’s some life story, which has nothing to do with the recipe:

I was with my grandparents for my summers (and more) as a kid. They would often let my cousins and I play in the pool in the afternoons, until the first thunderclap.

There was always a first thunderclap, usually around 2 p.m., signaling a storm that would last about two hours.

That’s how Northern Florida works.

I would run in the house and change while my grandfather made popcorn. I would then take my place on his lap; we would watch The People’s Court, trying to guess how Judge Wapner would rule.

It’s the smells I remember most: buttered popcorn and the chlorine lingering on my hair. But I can also still hear the heavy rain pouring on our round house in the woods.

When therapists have asked me to picture myself somewhere safe, I’m on that lap, eating popcorn, smelling chlorine, listening to the rainstorms, determining justice.

Yesterday was (Grand)daddy’s birthday. It’s been three and a half years since we lost him.

This was the first year that I turned the calendar to September and didn’t think, “oh, I gotta make Daddy cookies for his birthday.”

I decided yesterday, though, to make his favorite cookies every year on his birthday.