The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 54

dating

So a couple of weeks ago, I did an experiment–I called guys on not reading my profile.

The first result (and a reminder of what my profile says) is here.

Guy Two uses 11 words to describe himself on his profile. I couldn’t read his answers to questions, but OKC tells me he’s 40% incompatible with me, based on what I care about.

Him: Hi.. how s it going You are beautiful, I hope we can be friends

Me: I’m looking for a partner, not just a friend. But thank you for the compliment; it was nice to wake up to! 🙂 Have a great day!

Him: Morning .. everything starts with friendship ​

I would like to take you out

Me: Things do start with friendship, but your profile says friendship is what you’re looking for–not long-term dating. It also says you want kids. I’m not having any more of those.

Him: I am still learning how to use this dating site. Yes I want relationship with my compatible person. Kids depend on my partner ​

Me: Did you “lock” almost all of your questions? I can only see your answers to two of them.

Him: No​

Wasn’t comfortable to put my info in my profile

Me: I’m confused then–the site says you’ve answered forty questions, but I can only see your answers to two. It is telling me that, based on your answers, we’re not a good match.

Him: You can ask any question you want ​

Me: If you read my profile all the way through, you’ll know I hate it when guys say that. 🙂

Him: My bad

Me: I’m on OKC instead of other sites so I don’t have to play 20 questions to figure out basic compatibility. Can you see all of my answers?

Him: I didn’t read yet

And then maybe he did–cause that was the (always inevitable) end.​

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The Continuing Adventure’s of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 53

dating

I decided to do an experiment.

The first sentence in my profile is Please read the “You should message me if” section before messaging.

The You Should Message Me If part says, . . . you are liberal (especially socially), smart, sexy, secure in yourself, funny, appreciative of smart and funny women, and a nonsmoker. No long distance, please. (If you’re a difficult/long drive away, it’s not gonna happen.)

This site isn’t connected to my phone, so I’m not really available to chat; instead, I come online once or twice a day to read and answer messages. So tell me something about yourself or ask me a question or tell me a dating horror story–I love those. If we find we have things to talk about, we’ll set up a meet. (If you’re the type of guy who needs to text a girl every three minutes and have her text you back right away, I’m probably not the girl for you.)

I’m only likely to answer if you’ve answered plenty of OKC’s questions (I don’t want to have to ask you if you’re jealous, if you’re homophobic, if you don’t believe in dinosaurs, etc. when OKC can ask you for me), if you have a picture, if you’ve said more than just “hi”/”good morning”/etc. in your message, and if you’ve filled out your profile with more than “ask me” or the equivalent.

The experiment: for a day, call people on obviously not reading.

Man 1 only said this on his profile: A loving and caring man.

He had answered 25 questions. Based on that, we are 35% NOT suited for each other.

Him: hello,how are you doing?

Me: I don’t think you read my profile.

Him: lol

what makes you think that way

Me: Because I don’t think you’ve read the “message me if” part at all–you’re basically doing everything I said not to do.

Him: funny

Me: Not trying to be–just being honest. Anyway, I hope you find what you’re looking for. Have a good night.

 

More results of the experiment to follow.

 

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 52

dating

I’m judgmental, as you know, dear readers. Countless men have told me so. They use the word mostly when I catch them in lies–about being married, about being a completely different person from their picture, etc.

Are there women who are not prone to judge those who lie to them?

Is this what guys mean when they say they want someone who’s easy going?

Or when they say they want someone without baggage?

(I admit: a lack of baggage (read: experience) would probably make me helpless in the face of the lies and toying around.)

Recently, a guy was flirty and expressed interest in a date. But then said he wouldn’t be free for a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks went by. Mostly silence.

Me: So did you actually want to set up that date sometime?

A couple of days went by.

Me: Okay. Bye, window shopper.

Him: Window shopper? Nice, that’s a little harsh and judgmental

Me: I’m judging based on the evidence I have to go on, yes.
You may have your reasons, but all I got was silence. Any outside observer who looked at this conversation would conclude that you wanted to flirt, but not really go out.
Window shopper is one of the nicer metaphors for that, really.
I hope you find what you’re looking for.

 

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 51

dating

Two guys in two days with the same problem.

Both guys have the bare minimum on their profile, haven’t answered OKC questions, etc, and thus have not met the basic requirements (which you, my loyal readers, urge me to maintain).

Guy 1: Hola mami u look great 

[Several hours later]

Guy 1: How come u didnt say hi 

Me: As my profile says, “I’m only likely to answer if you’ve answered plenty of OKC’s questions (I don’t want to have to ask you if you’re jealous, if you’re homophobic, if you don’t believe in dinosaurs, etc. when OKC can ask you for me), if you have a picture, if you’ve said more than just “hi”/”good morning”/etc. in your message, and if you’ve filled out your profile with more than “ask me” or the equivalent.” 

Guy 1: Ur taking life way too serious 

Me: If you think so, then we’re obviously not a good fit.
I hope you find someone carefree and that you have a great day! 

🙂

Guy 1: Uptite 

Wats ur name im [his name here]

WTF?

 

 

Guy 2: Hello.

[later]

Guy 2: Hmm

Really? Is it really a hmm-level mystery why I didn’t answer?

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 50

dating, Politics and other nonsense

This entire conversation was awful, but see if you can spot the line that most made me go, “eww . . . what?! . . . eww!”

Him: Did you cry when Trump won?

Me: Yes. Many times. What about you?

Him: It didn’t really matter to me which pig got voted into the farm house.

[I decide not to answer. Two days later.]

Him: Feel like wine and a movie tonight?

Me: No, thanks.
I have to confess: I’m very sensitive about the election. I know too many people who are a lot more vulnerable right now. Thus, the pig reference just didn’t sit well with me.
I hope you find someone more carefree and that you have a great evening!

Him: You don’t see Animal Farm going on before your eyes?

Me: I think a lot of absurd things happen in politics, but I don’t at all think Clinton as President vs. Trump as President is any kind of equal threat to me, to the environment, to my students, etc.

Him: Keep thinking that. But in the meantime, there’s this warm man over here who would like to pur his arms around you if you change your mind.

Me: I’m not going to change my mind. I cried with the trans student I mentor after the election. I’m working with my department to take action to protect our muslim students and our dreamers. I’m fighting for my students to have access to birth control and abortions. I’m fighting for free speech and scientific literacy. A few years ago, I moved my disabled aunt to California so she could get access to care because she was literally dying in a Republican state that rejected the part of Obamacare that would cover her. I could go on, but I’ve got way too many papers to grade today.

Look, I’m sure you’re a decent person, but you’re not the person for me. And I’m not at all desperate, so I don’t have to settle for just a warm body. 🙂
I hope you find someone beautifully suited to you and wish you all the best.

Him: Ok, good luck to you too

[Eight days later]

Him: Surprised you haven’t left the country yet

Me: It’s not going to get fixed that way.

Him: Ok, so you’re going to fix it?

Me: Are you meaning to be hostile right now? Since I don’t know you, I’m not sure how to read this conversation.

Him: Nope…remember, I’m an INTJ [he’d mentioned that in his profile, and was counting on me to have assigned meaning to it]

[I decide not to answer. Several hours go by. This next one gets sent in the middle of the night:]

Him: I want you to connect and bond with me.

Me: I’m not interested in that.

Him: That’s really unfortunatw

 

Okay, reader. You saw the whole thing. Which part icked you out most?

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 49

dating

A 37 year old guy from Illinois (Rock Island, where a couple of my friends live) tried to strike up something with me. This is the full conversation.

Him: Sorry to say are you really 41?
Me: Yup. Why would I lie about that?
Him: You dont look it a bit?
Could u date someone younger?
Me: You’re only a couple of years younger than I am–that’s not why we can’t date. We can’t date because you’re in Rock Island and we aren’t compatible in what we want and what’s important to us.
Him: How?
can u make it more clear
Me: Have you looked at our compatibility and our questions? Your questions say you’re looking for someone to have children with–I’m not having another child. You think jealousy is healthy in a relationship–I don’t date jealous people (especially jealous people with guns). Your profile says your Christianity is important to you–it doesn’t make any sense to partner with an atheist.
Him: Hmmm okay

 

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 47

dating

Recently, a guy struck up a conversation with me on OKC. He then mentioned he was going to try Zoosk.

I pointed him to my column on how much that site sucks.

A few days later, I got this:

I had a few strange responses on Zoosk, so I read your blog, which may be the first blog I’ve actually completed. I had no idea you speak Spanish ( que bueno). Yeah guys suck at chatting, and we are from mars. I have said or chatted “how was your day”, simply because I’m lazy, and most likely will never receive a reply.
Well back to my situation, I had two responses that were almost identical.
“I’m really busy now packing”. I’m thinking “So”, packing isn’t a 24/7 job.
Maybe something is fishy with Zoosk.
30 bucks down but not the end of the world.
[his name here]
P.S.
For a guy to even write more than 2 words is an honest attempt at communication.

I wrote a long answer about how he and other men were causing their own problem–we don’t answer, because they’re lazy. They justify being lazy cause we don’t answer.

(I didn’t bother with the Mars bullshit. I don’t think men are incapable of writing a profile of a message or that all women are master communicators, but it didn’t seem worthwhile to enter into that particular debate here.)

His response:

I’d say for the most part, picture is all I look at, and attraction dictates effort. Second thing I look at is body type. Then determine how old the pictures could be. If the profile is too long, I just skip it. I have no desire to be a therapist.

I’ve never seen a long profile and thought a guy wanted free therapy, but then again, I have read more than one blog post in its entirety.

This only strengthens my prejudice against those lazy messages. And now this guy’s conversation with me is over. Sigh.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 46

dating

Back in the saddle.

So I disabled my profile for Fall quarter, due to a combination of being crazy busy, continually leaving the country, and thinking I might have found someone (I did–someone great, just not someone who could work out long term).

My profile is back up, and the adventure continues.

A guy: How’s your week going? Did you recover from the holidays?
Those eyes and smile are stunning

Me: Your profile says you’re seeing someone, your picture has a wedding ring in it, and you aren’t showing your face.
So you’re not single, right?

A guy: I am not single but not marrie[d]

Me: I’m looking for a long-term partner, not to be someone’s secret.

A guy: Ok. Hope you have a good day

 

And that’s been about the best of it . . . Sigh.

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 45

dating, Misc–karmic mistakes?

Every day, I get an email about who’s been trying to hack this site. Specifically, I am alerted when a distinct IP gets blocked after 20 failed attempts to log on. Usually, these IPs are registered in other countries, but someone in Kansas wants in too.

There are also a lot of spam comments. Hundreds are blocked every day. Some are just ads. Some are in completely different languages. And some pose as real comments, with compliments on content (though never specific)–I think they’re hoping that if a comment gets approved, they’ll have unrestricted access to the comment section from then on.

I’m not alerted to all this spam–my program only shows me actual comments and what might be actual comments so I can choose to approve them.

This week, this spam comment came through for approval on this entry:

What i do not understood is if truth be told how you’re no longer actually much more well-favored than you may be right now.

You are very intelligent. You know thus considerably relating to this subject, produced me individually consider it from
a lot of numerous angles. Its like men and women aren’t involved until it’s
something to do with Lady gaga! Your individual stuffs nice.
All the time handle it up!

Obviously spam, right?

Actually, I can’t blame the program. Have you seen what real guys write to me on dating sites? The readability level is basically the same. 😉

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The Continuing Adventures of Karma’s OnLine Dating: Entry 44: Poly

dating

Last summer, before I headed to Iceland, I went on a lot of dates with a poly guy. Let’s call him P.

I have many poly friends, and I’ve been curious about it before–most notably, though, when certain important needs aren’t being met with a partner.

When I first went on OKC again, in early 2015, I decided to be open to the possiblity. I had three dates with one guy (not P) pretty early–but his wife didn’t like me–and something kept nagging at me about him. I realized, on that third date, what it was–I had never heard him actually laugh. Instead, he made another sound–that derisive snort about people he didn’t like.

So that wasn’t going to work, but I was still open to poly.

And, thus, I agreed to a date with P last summer. He was charismatic. He explained his situation: after his wife’s successful cancer treatment, her sex drive died. She refused to go to the doctor, and told him to get used to it. He proposed a compromise: that he could have a girlfriend or two. They spent a couple of years building trust that he wouldn’t leave her for one of them.

It was perfectly understandable. It also sounded functional.

It only took another couple of dates, however, for problems to arise. Our conversations were always about these relationships–and I didn’t like what was happening with the other girlfriend–she was younger, only dating him, wanting, desperately, to marry him and have children with him. He knew this. At one point, while he and I were dating (I think this was the catalyst–him trying to have a relationship with me proved he wasn’t going to leave his wife and become monogamous), she decided she wanted something more traditional. So she started an online profile. However, she posed as single while she was still in a relationship with P. And she could thus decide that each guy who messaged her was nothing compared to P. I told P she just wanted him to get jealous–to whisk her away to normality–that he was standing in her way. He agreed, but wouldn’t do what she couldn’t: end it.

The larger problem, though, was the almost immediate pressure to redefine myself.

After about a week, he thought I should change my status from single to “open relationship,” to announce to every other man I was talking to that I had a boyfriend.

I told him to slow down–that even if it were just the two of us, I wouldn’t want to stop everything and commit after a week.

And then I had to keep begging him to slow down, because that pressure never let up.

In additional to pushing me away, it made me think–fast–about what I wanted, and ultimately to decide that poly–at least his kind–isn’t for me, for several reasons.

  1. Time. In my last LTR, I spent three nights a week with my partner. It worked well, giving me a couple of nights a week with friends and a couple of nights a week on my own. If I were to spend two or three nights a week with one partner, when would I find the time for another partner?
  2. All this guy could talk about–after the first date–was his wife, his girlfriend, and the future he wanted with me. It didn’t seem like he had friends or hobbies other than us–and that scared me off.
  3. Relationship talking in general isn’t something I like to do. On our first day in Iceland, Melissa and I sat in a natural hot-tub and discussed whether I was going to stay in a relationship with P. I was explaining how difficult I found it, as he wanted to talk about relationships all the damn time. Melissa leaned in close and said, “Karma, I’ve known you for 15 years, and you don’t even like to talk about relationships with me. You don’t want this.”
  4. I need to be a primary. Most poly relationships seem to be set up in a hierarchy–you have a primary partner and then one or more secondaries (or a primary partner and one-offs). If I entered into a relationship as a secondary–but it was my main relationship–it wouldn’t be what I wanted or needed. Secondaries are–by definition–interchangeable. Most people will fight to maintain a relationship, but, if life goes wrong, the secondary relationship will be sacrificed for the primary one. I want a my person–and, while that’s possible in poly–it’s excessively difficult to find a primary relationship if you’re starting as someone else’s secondary.

The nail in the coffin, though, was a conversation P and I had before I left for Iceland.

Me: What if I meet a guy named Sven, and I want to fuck him?

P: You wouldn’t, would you?

Me: I’m not going to go looking for someone, but say I did.

P: But you can’t!

Me: Why not?

P: Because that’s not how this works–you can have boyfriends, but you can’t just fuck around!

Me: Why not?

[We argue about safety–he wants a “closed system,” which I argue is never really closed, because it counts too much on other people. He had once dated a woman who had 8 boyfriends–did he really think no one in the extended circle had one-offs?]

Me: So I’m supposed to tell a guy that I want to fuck that I’m not allowed to, because I’ve been dating another guy for two weeks? Even though I haven’t made a commitment to him? And even though that guy is probably fucking someone else in that moment?

Him: It has to be closed–that’s the kind of poly I am.

Me: Well, I’m not poly yet. And how do we know what kind of poly I would be?

 

 

 

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