Dear ___,
Thanks so much for your message! However, (circle all that apply) I don’t want a long distance relationship / I don’t date smokers / I don’t think we’d be a good fit since you want a “god fearing woman,” and I’m an atheist / you’re looking for someone to have children with / I don’t date married men / you indicated in your questions that you would have problems with me being friends with my exes / your profile says you’re looking for casual sex, but I’m looking for a relationship / you seem to be much more conservative than I am. I hope you find what you’re looking for!
Dear ___,
As I said in the previous email, I don’t want a long distance relationship. It’s really flattering that you’re willing to drive a couple of hours to have a date with me, but I don’t want to just see someone on the weekends, and I’m not going to drive a couple of hours for a date. I need a partner who’s closer.
Dear ___,
You live in (some far away country). While I agree that it’s possible to care about people from a long way away, I do not want a long distance relationship, as I said in the last email. And no, I don’t think I’m the perfect woman for you. You’ve only read my profile and a polite message telling you that I’m not interested–you don’t know me. Neither do the other guys who’ve told me that love can’t be conquered by distance this week.
Dear ___,
I’m not against dating a smoker because it’s a vice of some kind. And yes, I drink. However, drinking doesn’t give me asthma attacks. I think I’m within my rights to turn down a date with someone whose activities would hurt my lungs.
Dear ___,
It’s interesting that you say god is the most important thing in your life, but when I say I’m not interested in a date, you offer to be friends with benefits. I am looking for a relationship; it’s probably what Jesus would want me to do.
Dear ___,
Where did I get the idea that you wanted to have children? You said it on your profile. You also answered the question “Are you looking for someone to have children with?” with a “yes.” I tend to believe what people say in their answers, since they took the time to answer the question.
Dear ___,
I’m looking for a relationship–a real one. If we were friends, you would tell me not to settle for less than I want, less than I deserve. I’m no one’s second fiddle–I’m a stradivarius. Since you don’t know me, I’ll just give myself that advice and wish you a good day.
Dear ___,
What leads me to think that you would have a problem with me being friends with my exes are your answers to questions about letting your partner have dinner alone with an ex, letting your partner keep pictures of exes, letting your partner spend time with an ex, etc. You also said you think jealousy is “healthy” in a relationship.
Dear ____,
No, I’m not interested in being in a friends with benefits relationship with you. As I noted previously, I’m looking for a relationship, not casual sex (for which I wouldn’t need to resort to the internet). Also, we’re not friends. You’re a stranger, and I don’t want to have sex with a stranger.
Dear ___,
When I say you seem to be more conservative than I am, I’m referencing your answers to the questions in which you said (circle all that apply) that you don’t believe in dinosaurs / that you listen to conservative talk radio / that you think men should be the head of their households / that you don’t think evolution should be taught in science class / that you think homosexuality is a sin). Those are dealbreakers for me.
Dear___,
I already know what the Bible says about (circle all that apply) the creation story / women being subservient / gay people. I don’t need to date a conservative to better “understand” that point of view. I was raised in the South. I get it. However, I don’t respect it, and I don’t let people touch my pussy if I don’t respect them.
