Entry 10 (wherein I have dark fantasies):
Several times a week, a guy forgets (or shows he hasn’t read) the part of my profile in which I explain how to communicate with me:
“I answer basically every message I get, as long as it’s a real message–not just a ‘hi’ or ‘good morning.’ However, this site isn’t connected to my phone. I don’t tend to hang out to ‘chat’; instead, I come online a few times a day to read and answer messages. So tell me something about yourself or ask me a question or tell me a dating horror story–I love those. If we find we have things to talk about, we’ll set up a meet. (If you’re the type of guy who needs to text a girl every three minutes and have her text you back right away, I’m probably not the girl for you.)”
As you all know, I’m one of the busiest people ever and I need to focus throughout the day. Thus, I don’t want to be interrupted all the time. As those of you who have my phone number know, I often don’t hear my phone, forget that I’ve turned it off, etc., because I’m not on it all the time–I’m working or hanging out with you, my lovely friends.
Yet the following interaction happens all the time. I’ll check my messages in the morning. Guys can set up the site to alert them when someone they “like” is online, allowing them to jump into chat mode (let’s ignore the stalkeriness of that for now). Usually, though, by the time they get their “Hi wht r u up 2 2day” out, I’m off the site again.
Hours later, when I check messages again, I see the sad attempt at chatting.
Me: Hi. Thanks for the message. As noted on my profile, I don’t really chat on this site. I’m happy to answer a real message, though, when I check in periodically.
The guy: OK. What’s ur number? We can txt.
I then refrain from hitting my own head against my desk until the internal pain stops; I explain that giving my phone number to every stranger on a dating site who thinks I’m cute would be a) dangerous b) even MORE time consuming and distracting and annoying than the site chatting I’m refusing to do, since the whole point is that I don’t want to exchange “whats up?” with strangers instead of being present when I’m working/hanging out with friends/eating/binge watching/sitting in a theatre; then I fantasize about hitting the guy’s head against the enormous, hard mental wall blocking any form of empathy for it’s like to be a woman on a dating site until the wall comes crumbling down and he cries a little.
So, THAT’S why you don’t always answer my texts immediately!