Florida, I’ve known you since I was a kid. I grew up in your underfunded schools. I started working at age twelve, serving your sunburned tourists. I’ve let you try to blow me away in your hurricanes.
In 2000, I said we should start seeing other people, so I moved to California. You see, when I lived in you, I couldn’t have health insurance for two reasons. First, you abhor unions, so even though I had a job that was unionized in most every other state, you wouldn’t let me. Second, since I didn’t have job-related insurance, you allowed insurers to turn me away due to my pre-existing conditions.
(Also, you were covered in hicks, and they kept trying to touch me.)
Right after I left, there was an election, and I voted absentee. You decided that my vote shouldn’t be counted.
I’ve come back to see you, though–to have your glorious fish and to marvel at your inhabitants, who see absolutely crazy weather changes and somehow deduce that this is proof that there is no global climate change.
Now you’re trying to use the court system to veto something that the majority of Americans still support–the health care bill.
Don’t you want people to live long enough to retire to you? Well, I guess just the rich people–you don’t want any poor people moving there since you have so many of your own poor people already.
Florida, I think it’s time for us to truly part.
Send us your homeless children, so they can be adopted by gay couples, since you would rather they stay homeless.
Tell all those rednecks with confederate flags on their trucks that they’re right–the South will rise again–right now. (In fact, import more of those people from the surrounding states before you go.) And then let them have you.
I might even get a visa so I can visit my family in the “Republic of Republicans-Only Florida,” as long as you can guarantee my safety from political persecution.
Goodbye, Florida. (If you’re wondering, it’s not me, it’s you.)
