That’s right–it’s Saint Urho’s Day! Now, some of you may notice that Finland is a traditionally Lutheran country and that there is no Saint Urho in the Church, anyway. Saint Urho’s day is indeed made up–Finnish immigrants wanted their own day to get drunk at the start of Spring (this was back when only Irish people celebrated St. Patrick).
So they made up their own holiday. And why not? All holidays are basically made up and/or have changed incredibly over the centuries. Why not celebrate that which is fake?
Reasons why St. Urho’s Day is superior to Saint Patrick’s day: it’s the day before. St. Patrick was a dick. It wasn’t “snakes” he drove out of Ireland–it was Norwegians. St. Patrick is famous for being anti-immigrant.
If Patrick drove out the snakes, the Finns decided that Urho drove out the grasshoppers and saved the wine crop. So put on some green and purple and drink some wine. And when people try to hand you a green beer tomorrow, tell them you’ve already celebrated (unless you’d still like to drink–in which case, you should have some decent beer or another bottle of wine).
