Today, I changed my FB profile pic to a handmaid. An acquaintance accused me of “fear mongering.”

Fear mongering is when you’re using fear to manipulate people, often by exaggerating or completely making up a threat.

Some recent political examples include Trump saying legal Haitian migrants are eating people’s pets and claiming that Democrats are aborting babies after they’re born.

I’m in shambles today. Crying gives me a terrible headache, and course I’ve been crying, so I’m in more physical pain than usual, and I’m anxious and depressed, and I don’t know how I’m going to get through today, much less tomorrow.

I’m an Atwood scholar, so it felt right to put up my little handmaid, both as a symbol of the weight of fear I have and as a symbol of resistance.

I don’t think that Trump being elected = Gilead in all its forms, and that’s not what a handmaid avatar means to me.

However, I reject the claim of fear mongering because I’m not making up fears to manipulate anyone. I’m expressing the very real fears that I have, because of what Trump has said and because of what Project 2025 states. (Note that some Trump fans are exclaiming today that (d’uh) Project 2025 is the new regime’s plan).

On this day eight years ago, people told me to relax, that it wasn’t going to be that bad. It was worse, so I am afraid.

Trump disbanded the Pandemic team before Covid, and he says he’ll kill it again on his first day in office, so I am afraid.

When Covid happened, Trump knew it was serious; he told Woodward so, but he lied to the rest of us, so I am afraid.

Trump could have pulled the country together during Covid, but instead he claimed it was a Democrat hoax, using a deadly virus to score political points, so I am afraid.

Trump’s lies killed people, so I am afraid.

Trump constantly insults the military, especially those wounded or shot down (like my Daddy), so I am afraid.

Project 2024 would take resources from disabled veterans like my husband, so I am afraid.

I am a top scholar in my field & an award-winning teacher, but the only reason I still have my job, when UCD would love to replace me with a cheap grad student, is my union. Project 2025 will undermine unions, so I am afraid.

Speaking of unions, I couldn’t get healthcare due to pre-existing conditions, until I moved to California for a union job. Repealing the ACA would allow insurance to deny coverage for people like me once again, so I am afraid.

My child is nonbinary, so I am afraid. Many of my students and loved ones are LGBTQA+, so I am afraid.

Many of my students are DACA, so I am afraid.

Project 2025 says the only real families are those with stay at home mommies, so I am afraid.

Climate change is real and deadly, so I am afraid.

Elected Republicans, unlike the majority of Americans (including unelected Republicans), resist any common sense changes to gun laws. I teach at a university, where any disgruntled white boy could open fire at any time, so I am afraid.

US agencies agree that White Supremacist Terrorism is the greatest terrorist threat. White supremacists love Trump, and he loves them back, so I am afraid.

Trump, hereinafter referred to as Ofputin, will definitely help Russia conquer Ukraine and whatever other countries he’s after, so I am afraid.

Ofputin gave Putin classified information, Covid testing supplies, etc. At one point after the former, our undercover agents started being killed, so I am afraid.

What Ofputin says is just not how tariffs work, so I am afraid.

The economists say Ofputin will wreck the economy, so I am afraid.

Project 2025 would continue to attack public education and our ability to teach facts instead of right-wing propaganda, so I am afraid.

I was once in an emotionally abusive marriage; I prayed that God would kill me to free me from it. Thankfully, after deciding divorce was holier than my child being raised without me, no fault divorce meant I could leave. Project 2025 will make it harder for women like me, so I am afraid.

Many of my loved ones and students are at risk of an unintended pregnancy. Not being able to access abortion services leads to more poverty, more domestic violence, more infanticide, more mental and physical illness, and more women’s murders. In fact, the number one way that pregnant women die in this country is by the hands of the man who impregnated them, so I am afraid.

Many of my loved ones and students need birth control. The Supreme Court and Project 2025 are coming after it (and gay marriage), not to mention comprehensive sex ed. These things are what actually get abortion numbers down, and I am afraid.

Many of my loved ones and students will have problems with their wanted pregnancies. The legacy of the last administration and its policies are already letting women bleed out, so I am afraid.

Project 2025 wants more religious freedom laws, and many current states have them. When I visit my family this December in Florida, for example, if I need critical care, an ER doctor could literally refuse to help me if he or she thought I was a sinner, which I obviously am, as we all are, so I am afraid.

I know many people who didn’t vote for Harris because she isn’t anti-Israel enough for them, but the President-elect won’t advocate for a two country solution, won’t try to stop the disproportional retaliation against Gaza, and has a chief sycophant who argues that ALL Palestinians, from toddler age, are terrorists, so I am afraid.

I want a functional Department of Education, Department of Energy (it oversees our nuclear weapons, FFS), FDA, IRS, HHS, etc, but Republicans don’t want any of these things (and I’m not going to list all the sources below cause there are too many), and I am afraid.

I don’t want RFK Jr in charge of anything, much less “everything,” so I am afraid.

Ofputin thought he could nuke hurricanes, so I am afraid.

Ofputin wanted to shoot BLM protestors, so I am afraid.

The Supreme Court heard arguments that Ofputin could kill a political opponent and not be in any legal trouble and they sided with that argument, so I am afraid.

Ofputin bragged about grabbing women by the pussy and then slandered a woman who said he grabbed her by the pussy, but was found liable for grabbing her by the pussy, and now his supporters wear shirts encouraging him to grab them by the pussy, and his main defense against rape allegations is that the women who accuse him aren’t hot enough to be “the chosen one[s]”–you know, chosen for him to rape, but he also thought a picture of E. Jean Carroll was of his wife, and he’s bragged about being able to see naked teenagers at pageants, and even if I hadn’t been a naked teenager at a pageant once, I would think that was gross, and Epstein said he was Ofputin’s best friend, but also that Ofputin, again: in Epstein’s opinion, was a bad person, and again, I’m not going to source all of this, but you know how to use Google, and I am afraid.

I could keep writing, and I am afraid.

But I’ll end with this.

On January 6th, 2021, I was trying to work–to distract myself from the political coup unfolding on my screen. My work that day, though, was editing an essay for Margaret Atwood Studies on the coup pulled off by the Sons of Jacob in The Handmaid’s Tale. As I was editing an essay on a right-wing, white supremacist coup of the U.S., there was a right-wing, white supremacist attempted coup in the U.S.

Now, how can I think of Ofputin and the existential threat he represents to this nation (a threat verified by those who served under him last time) without thinking of The Handmaid’s Tale?

If fears are real, it’s not fear mongering.

Sources:

Haitian claim

Abortion claim

Project 2025 fans today

Pandemic team

Covid Woodward

Covid hoax claim

Covid lie mortalities

military insults

2025 & vets

2025 & unions

pre-existing conditions

2025 & LBGT . . .

DACA

2025 & families

2025 & climate change

2025 & guns

Trump & white supremacists

Ofputin & ukraine

Ofputin & classified info; Ofputin & covid testing; Ofputin and American agents

Ofputin & tariffs

Ofputin & the economy

2025 & education

2025 & divorce

turnaway abortion study

2025 & birth control

the end of Roe

2025 & religious freedom

florida & religious freedom

Ofputin’s lawyer on Palestine

RFK

Ofputin & hurricanes

Ofputin & protestors

Ofputin ok to kill political rivals

This week in my Margaret Atwood seminar, while discussing a short story from 1983:

Student A: How old was she then?

Me: She was middle aged.

Student B: No, she wasn’t. She was born in 1939, so she was REALLY OLD then.

Me: She was over forty years younger than she is now, though . . .

Note: I’m currently five years older than Atwood was then.

I was really hoping to have a strong start to the quarter–I was especially hoping to have a deep-cleaned house, since this quarter will be so busy.

The universe, of course, had other plans. While in Vienna for a conference, my medicine bag was lost (stolen?) and my phone straight up died.

And I’m really sick from something I caught on the plane back, so today the classroom is my dirty home. I will greet classes 342, 343, and 344 on Zoom!

Our old couches are really old: they were used when I bought them in 2007. They bear cat scratches and have almost no support, so hubby wanted something more comfortable.

I suggested doing a curb search: it is move in/out season in Davis, after all.

He shot me down, but I didn’t really know where one gets new couches. Then I remembered hearing that some conservatives think a furniture company traffics children, so I went to that company’s site & looked at what was on sale, opting for a couch / chair combo.

(Not because I endorse child trafficking, but because that’s not happening & I figure this conspiracy theory might be hurting their bottom line.)

I knew we needed some pillows, and I remembered seeing some cat themed ones years ago, so I ordered the slips and shoved the old couch pillows into them.

At the same time, I have been undertaking an organizational clean up around here. I’m not going to post pictures of the closets and under sink cabinets, but I sometimes open the bathroom cupboard when I’m stressed just to remind myself that I am getting things done and that, for this brief time, things are actually where they should be.

(Why am I stressed? The usual health stuff, some less usual family health stuff, having been forcibly moved to an academic “unit” & not knowing what that means, and the oncoming storm that is five courses (four preps) for Fall.)

The reorganization has necessitated some accent shelves and a small spice rack.

As the hubby and I are both bad about putting things up straight, we contracted a task rabbit, who then didn’t show up cause they were sick. A week later, they were still sick and then a different task rabbit just didn’t show up at all, so I figured out how to do the straight and even thing, cussed a lot, because the drill and I are not friends, but got it all up!

My husband has what he describes as “man feet.” Last Friday, I went to a very overdue pedicure & insisted he go with me. When I told him he would get to sit in a massage chair, he agreed.

He proudly announced it was his first time, and the ladies who worked there made a big deal about him–telling him he was lucky to have a wife who cared about his feet, etc. They clapped when they learned he’s an AEMT.

He was enjoying his pedicure so much that he let them upsell him to a manicure. He didn’t go for any polish, but he got the works, including paraffin.

I let him pick out my toe color.

Today, he went back to buy the bottle, so I can do my hands to match. On the way, he picked up some thank you flowers for the women–one of his toes, which had chronic pain, no longer hurts.

They gave him the nail polish for free.

This morning, I was honored to be on a remote panel for World Con.

I logged in and went to the space where you check your camera and mic. I adjusted the lighting, talked to the cats, and then admonished myself: “You haven’t had diarrhea for a couple of days, so of course you’re going to do it this morning.”

I went to the bathroom, took some anti-diarrheal medicine, came back and hit “join.”

Only then could I see a private message sent from the poor tech person responsible for our panel:

When sick in Oxford on a rainy day, what’s an American to do but cuddle up with a cuppa and read a book set in Oxford?

I started The Moving Toyshop, by Edmund Crispin (1946). The series features an Oxford literature professor as the detective and lines like the ones below, so I thought I would love it:

“I am getting old and stale. I act with calculation. I take heed for the morrow. This morning I caught myself paying a bill as soon as it came in. This must all be stopped. In another age I should have devoured the living hearts of children to bring back my lost youth. As it is . . . I shall go to Oxford.”

“Oxford is the one place in Europe where a man can do anything, however eccentric, and arouse no interest or emotion at all.”

But then there was the first look at the murder victim:

“There was no ring on her left hand, and the flatness of her breasts had already suggested that she was unmarried.”

Later, we’re told that a picture of the victim is surprising: “it was not the face of an ineffectual spinster.”

In these instances, my brain threw up defenses: “hey, we’re not all . . .”

What’s weird here isn’t so much that a 1946 novel written by a man was sexist.

I’ve been married and divorced, and I’m married now. I’ve been a mother every single second I’ve been an adult.

What’s weird is that I’m not a spinster, but my brain decidedly thinks I am. It’s always had a “we” response to statements about us . . . I mean, them . . . ever since I was a little girl.

I guess I was always a black sheep enough to know that I was destined to be the maiden aunt, well, not the maiden aunt, but the eccentric aunt who was a “bad” influence on the children.

It’s been a difficult few months. Some of the household stress isn’t mine to share, but I’ve been ill, with three separate trips to the ER.

Luckily, I’m more or less stable now, and I’m leaving the country tomorrow. For the first time in five years, I’m returning to Oxford to teach. The class is new, though. Instead of fantasy literature, we’ll be doing a writing in film studies course.

We get to watch some lovely things together, visit the Wilton House (featured in Outlander, Bridgerton, the Crown, etc.), and have Dr. Liam Creighton do a guest spot. Vanessa is my on-site coordinator, and we get a few days in London before we head to Oxfordshire.

Fingers crossed for continued stability!

Wallie William Waltonen married Winca Jewreen Graves. They went on to raise four children (Kativa, Monty Ree, Marty Dee, and Mindy Lee) and a trouble-making granddaughter, Karma Jewreen.